Here's the original post:
Names have been changed just in case. I've been sitting on this all day and would really love some help here.
My older sister "June" has been living with me, my husband "Daniel" (39m), and our daughter "Lea" (1.5f) since before Lea was born. She had to move in with us around March 2019 because she lost her job after a fight with her boss and couldn't find new work in her field (not many openings in our area).
She'd been living with her long term boyfriend before that but they'd gotten into an argument of some sort (I don't know the details) and he ended up kicking her out. She'd had nowhere to go since we didn't have any family near by.
So I talked with Daniel and asked if she could stay with us until she got back on her feet. She could help me around the house since I was pregnant at the time. My husband works long hours and didn't like the idea of me being home alone, especially while pregnant so agreed saying it was a good idea.
June had been very thankful for the place to stay and was a great help around the house. And an even bigger help after Lea was born. I still did/do the bulk of the child care with Daniel right there to help when he's home. But it's nice to have someone else at home during the day to share the workload with. And Lea loves her Aunt Junie.
The problem came today when I was looking up matching 'mommy and baby' princess dresses since I was hoping for Lea and I to be matching queen and princess for Halloween this year (yes I'm one of those people who plans costumes way ahead). Well I got sucked down the mommy blog rabbit hole and spent almost an hour looking through blogs and stuff until I saw a familiar kitchen.
It was familiar because it was MY kitchen. I know because I decorated my kitchen myself and it's a rustic sorta country theme and I have three antique copper jello molds my grandma gave me hanging on the wall next to the fridge. Plus I could see the 'treat bell' I'd made for our kitty hanging on the fridge handle (she rings it when she wants a treat/attention).
I clicked on the picture and it took me to a mommy blog run by 'Mommy [name super similar to mine]'. The more I scrolled through the blog the more disturbed I got. She had pictures of herself up in my house like it was hers. In one she was even wearing one of my blouses.
Pictures of her and Lea all tagged 'mommy and daughter' and even a couple pictures of her, Lea, and Daniel that I recognized. I'd been in the photos but she'd apparently cropped me out of them.
What do I do? How the hell do I even broach this?? Hey Sis, what's up with this blog of yours? Why are you pretending to be me? Why are you saying you're my daughter's mother??? When did you have time to wear my clothes and pose for pictures with my child??? What the F is going ON??? I put down all the info I could think of in my scrambled state right now. I don't think I missed anything.
Speak to your husband before you speak to her, you should put up a united front and you want this to be a consistent message. She’s massively crossed so many lines. It’s time for Aunt Junie to move out and this blog to be deleted.
(This really sounds like a horror film!)
living in your house for free whilst lying to your face - that’s enough to warrant telling her to stay elsewhere minimum
photos of your child online without your permission - this is risky at best and seriously dangerous at worst
pretending to be married to your husband and to be your baby’s mother online - she’s lying to you, your husband, your child and all her followers
potentially monetising / building a career using your life and resources
Yeah, I think you need to tell your husband and ask her to leave together. She’s putting your child at risk if nothing else.
And Ryder_Juxta said:
In her blog she replaced you in your family... that is creepy AF. Share it with your husband and get his honest reaction on how she has been behaving around him when you are no there. Is it just a thing she does to anonymous Internet users for clout or does she actually want your place in your family.
I would sit her down and talk about how she broke your trust and that you want her to take it down and find somewhere else to live. And depending on how the talk with your husband went maybe push for her to get therapy and/or restrict contact with her.
Well the last almost year has been a LOT to process and work through but a bunch of you nice redditors have been begging for an update, though I didn't want to do one until things calmed down. But now things have settled enough for me to do so, so here I am. This is a SUPER long one so please bear with me.
To start, June is no longer living with me and my family. First off, I sat Daniel down the next day and told him everything. I showed him the blog and he was incredibly disturbed by it and upset too. He didn't like how many photos of Lea were up online (we don't post many pictures of her and the ones we do are on our FBs, which are private) without our knowledge.
He was worried if June was mentally okay because this was nuts to him and I said I wasn't sure but I was worried about her too. We agreed we needed to talk to her asap. So he took Lea to his parents house to stay the night before coming back home.
Then I contacted our parents for a video call and told them about June's blog I found. I felt like they needed to know what was going on. Our mom was shocked but our dad didn't believe it so I sent them a link to the blog.
They were quiet while they looked through it, and I talked to them about how we, Daniel and I, were understandably weirded out and concerned for June. Out of them both Dad looked the most disappointed while Mom just looked stunned. I told them June couldn't stay here anymore because of this but we didn't want her out on the street, and they said she could come stay with them.
They wanted to be there on call while we confronted June but I said all of us together would probably make her feel like she was being attacked so I said we'd call them afterwards but do the confronting alone. But they'd probably have to help her move her stuff afterwards. Then after hanging up with them I made sure I had my laptop there half shut with the blog open in case she tried to deny it.
And I'd screenshotted/recorded countless pages of the blog in case she tried deleting to rug sweep like some people warned me she might do. Which ended up being a good idea.
When June sat down she asked what was wrong and I asked her if she had anything she'd like to come clean to us about. She's still my big sister and I love her, so I wanted to give her a chance to own up to this on her own. But sadly she said no so I told her I found her 'mommy blog'. She was silent before saying she didn't know what I was talking about.
So I opened my laptop and showed her the blog. She still tried to deny it and said it wasn't okay that I was blaming her for this when we didn't even know if it was her doing it. She said she'd never even seen this thing (the blog) before nor ever been to the site it was on.
Daniel told her to get her laptop and they'd start typing in the blog url and if no shortcuts appear then she was telling the truth, she'd never been to the site. But if one did come up? Well she was lying.
She said we were being ridiculous but I insisted she get her laptop and just prove us wrong. If we were wrong then we'd apologize. She hemmed and hawed for a bit before reluctantly getting her laptop. I noticed she was gripping it really tight and after she opened it and signed in I guess she realized she was backed into a corner, so she just broke down into loud sobs.
She started babbling out apologies and I asked her why she did this, why even fake being me and starting a blog? I asked if it was for money or something and she said no so I asked her to please explain to me why this was a thing she felt the need to do. She explained that she did it to feel happy and that she started it a little while after moving him with us.
She said it wasn't fair that I 'had it all' while she was 'old and unwanted'. I told her she wasn't old or unwanted, we love her and so do our parents and so does the rest of her friends and family.
She got angry and said it wasn't the same. And there was no way for me to understand what she's going through because I was 'everyone's favorite'. I didn't know what she was talking about and said I wasn't everyone's favorite and that's when she exploded and said I was a blind @$$hole if I didn't see how everyone in our lives always prefers me over her.
She claimed everyone loved me more and I 'always got what I wanted no matter what' and I'll admit hearing that set me off. I told her that was actually not true? She was the oldest, and if we're being honest she always got what she wanted before me.
Especially from our dad. I reminded her that he's bought her THREE CARS over her adult life, a $2000 laptop when she started college, and even paid off her first set of student loans for her. Meanwhile he never did any of that for me. I didn't get to attend college because I didn't have the money and didn't want loans because I wasn't sure I'd be able to pay them back on time.
The closest I got to what she got was when our dad offered to SELL ME his old car for cheap and gave me his old laptop after he upgraded with a brand new one. I said I loved her but told her she had to see how delusional she was being if she thought I was somehow the favorite. (I'll admit this was a sore spot for me.)
We got a little heated and argued back and forth so I told her she needed to pack her things because she couldn't stay here anymore. My trust in her was severely damaged and I didn't think her living with us any longer would be good for anyone. That's when she started bawling and begging me not to kick her out onto the streets.
I told her she wasn't going onto the streets and she could just go stay with our parents. They live a couple hours away so it's not like she was going to be homeless. She kept crying and said she'd delete the blog if we let her stay. I refused and said she needed to go to therapy, not stay here.
While we were talking, her trying to compromise and me rejecting it, she opened the blog and began deleting everything. She kept repeating through tears "I'll delete it, I'll delete it! I'll get rid of everything and won't post anything else!" as if to convince me to take back my decision.
I made it clear through all of this that she was not staying here anymore no matter what she did. Once she deleted it she said we were "all good now! it's gone!" but I told her it didn't matter, she wasn't staying here. That's when she got pissed and said "but I deleted it! there's no problem now!" like deleting it made it not happen.
We told her to get ready because our parents were on their way to pick her up and they knew the situation. THAT caused her to start really flipping out. She was furious that I'd told our parents about the blog and said she wouldn't be able to look at our parents now.
Things got messy and police were called by a neighbor because of just how loudly she was screaming. The cops arrived before our parents and she almost got taken into custody for being too aggressive and not settling down when the officer told her to calm herself the first time. So we had two cops there while she packed her stuff up. And then our parents arrived and it was just a very tense affair.
I told her I loved her as she was leaving but she practically spat at me that she hated me. That hurt a lot. But I tried not to take it to heart. A few months passed and our mom kept me updated on how June was doing. Our parents said she needed to go to therapy, it was a condition of them letting her stay there. She started going and seems to be doing a lot better, but she still won't talk to me.
Mom says she looks sad a lot but she also sounds remorseful when they talk about me/my family. So I think the therapy is helping her come to terms with how not okay what she did was. And a couple months ago she finally got in contact with me, called and apologized for what she did, how she'd acted, and for saying she hated me.
Talking with her felt nice. She sounded sad but happy too, much happier than she had when living with my family. Those who said she made the blog to cope were right. It turns out June was in a really not good place mentally after the breakup and being let go from her job, way more than she'd been letting on to anyone.
She also told me she'd been on medication for anxiety and depression before/during when she'd dated her ex but he'd shamed her for it and eventually he convinced her she didn't need them with him in her life, which was wrong. Turns out the argument that ended their relationship was him being mad at her for 'being such a downer' and making HIM sad...
Yeah. So after seeing her therapist she was put back on them and is doing much better she says. So things didn't end all happy sunshine but they didn't end as scarily as some people said they might. Which is more than good in my book. Thank you everyone for all your advice. It really helped.
I think commenter IRLDean speaks for all of us when they said:
I just read your first post. It was a lot to take in. But I’m glad your sister is getting the help she needs. It’s also a relief that this ends well.