'AITA for making my sister pay for my kids' babysitter when she won't watch them?'
"AITA for making my sister pay for my kids' babysitter when she won't watch them?"
I (F28) let my sister (20) live with us while she goes to university. In return, she pays us $500 a month. This covers her room, the extra water and power, and her food. I think it's very fair. She also does chores and helps with the kids. That was our agreement. We wrote everything down so there was no confusion.
My understanding is that room and board at her school is $1,200 a month for shared accommodation. And it is only available during the eight months of school. So living here is $6,000 a year as opposed to $9,600 for eight months and then four months living with our mom and stepdad. All was well for two years. She is a good student and a good kid.
But she has a boyfriend now and she has started complaining about watching the kids every other Saturday night so my husband and I can have a date night. So I told her that I would find a sitter but that she was responsible for paying them since she was supposed to watch the kids. Now she is complaining that with her paying the sitter it is using up all of her disposable income.
She said she may as well stay on campus next year. I agreed and told her that was a great idea. She gets her freedom and I get my hobby room back. My mom called me and said that my sister wasn't my unpaid nanny. I told her that I had already agreed that she could live on campus next semester.
Then she said I was being a b@#$h because that would increase the amount they are paying for her and that four months away from her job and boyfriend was cruel. I'm kind of torn. We had a deal and I think it was fair. AITA?
People had a lot of thoughts about OP's family dynamic.
RedditDK2 wrote:
Your mother is right - your sister is not an unpaid nanny. What she doesn't understand is that she is being paid in subsidized room and board. Having to babysit every other Saturday night is not unreasonable. If your sister worked elsewhere she might have to work evenings and weekends as well. NTA.
No_Scarcity8249 wrote:
You do not calculate the cost of a room in your house based on what she’d pay at university, that’s number one. You calculate based on what you could get from a stranger. She is absolutely not responsible for paying for your sitter. Calculate what you’d get for renting the room…subtract the fact that you would never rent to a stranger because you have kids.
Slight discount for her bonus for you because you have help. Calculate what you’d pay a sitter...etc. That’s how it works. She doesn’t pay for your sitter, her babysitting comes off what her rent is. She’s also only responsible for cleaning up after herself not you and spouse and children...that’s extra.
Where I live a student can get a studio w utilities for 500 a month so working two days a month...at 20 an hour plus. It’s actually more expensive to live with you so it depends on cost of living and what sitters charge. Where I am you can get a crappy sitter that’s not reliable or trustworthy for 15-17 an hour, in high-cost cities it’s over 20.
vt2022cam wrote:
YTA. It sounds like you have a maid and a babysitter paying you $500/month to live with you. You are quick to compare her rent to what she would pay on campus (not even off campus with 3 roommates or something).
If she charged you hourly for children care, not to mention the cooking, you’d owe her at least $25k in wages, maybe more depending on how many kids you have and what the rates are in your area. You’re being cheap and taking advantage of her. You take what you pay the babysitter you hired per hour and multiply it by the number of hours your sister works for you, deduct the $500, and that might be fair.
Edit: It isn’t just two nights a month. Every other Saturday is a part of it but it sounds like she does a lot more than that since the agreement was “helps out with the kids”. If the sister worked as a babysitter, OP should use those rates as compensation and deduct the $500 from it.
dedxxl wrote:
YTA. She pays rent (500$ isn't cheap either) and studies and works. It's not like you're letting her crash out of compassion and she's some bum that doesn't do anything all day. I say, she already pays and does enough for you. These are your kids and your responsibility, not hers, +she's a college student so I imagine she is definitely in a worse financial situation than you. Pay for your own nanny.
EDIT: Also, holding what she said in a heated discussion (regarding preferring to leave) against her to keep her out is an incredibly petty move.
EDIT 2: Maybe I shouldn't have talked about the rent money as I'm not really that familiar with the US real estate economy, but regardless, she's her sister, not some stranger you kick out like that.
Wild-Home-4337 wrote:
YTA. She is already paying $500, and while you have had an agreement I think it’s horrible of you to expect her to pay a babysitter for YOUR kids.
Carolann0308 wrote:
YTA. 500 a month plus she did childcare? I think you and your husband really made out on that deal. Did you need the money? I find it hard to believe a university student sleeping in your home raised your bills by that extent. Most stay around as little as possible and eat home only when necessary. Every Saturday night? I don’t know one couple with little ones that go out that often.
You were unrealistic in your expectations, she was too young to understand the commitment and good for her for getting out of there. I have friends with foreign college-age nannies that don’t get away this cheap. They cannot work after so many hours, require access to a university and ready transportation. Getting Saturday night off is pretty standard.
OP is most definitely TA in this situation, and doesn't seem to have much empathy for what her sister is carrying on her plate.