Golden child sis promises to go NC with parents, calls OP 'spiteful' when she doesn't.
"AITA for refusing to help my sister with her kids and telling her she can ask our parents since I'm so ungrateful, childish and spiteful?"
SubstanceFuzzy7242
I (24f) am the youngest of two. My sister Elizabeth is 28. Growing up she was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. While she could do no wrong, I could never do anything right where our parents were concerned. Her opinion and feelings held all the weight while mine held none at all.
My parents have described Elizabeth as the perfect daughter and their dream come true. They also lived in a country with no abortion access when mom got pregnant with me. I believe because they didn't want another child or because I look like my mom's deadbeat father that I was treated differently.
Elizabeth and I were not close growing up. Sometimes she would throw the favoritism in my face with questions "Why don't mom and dad ask what your favorite food is? Why do they never take you on special trips? Why do you have to do chores to earn birthday and Christmas gifts?"
I was 12 when I spoke to a trusted adult who said golden kids sometimes don't realize how wrong it is and can be really messed up by the favoritism but can grow to be better people. I was encouraged to keep the door open and told she might be my biggest ally. So, even though I often got punished for crap she'd do, like sneaking out, I hoped.
Three years ago, Elizabeth came to me and said she hated how our parents treated me and she was sorry for being insensitive as a kid. We got close which I loved. She told me she basically had no contact with our parents.
I found out a few months ago that it was a lie and she was always in contact with our parents and I found this out thanks to her throwing a party to celebrate the birth of her second child. My parents were there and commented that they were glad they had a child to give them grandkids and since they would only ever have two grandkids, they could spoil them rotten.
Elizabeth beamed. Elizabeth's MIL asked about me and Elizabeth scowled at her for asking. It really hurt to see her react like that.
Elizabeth asked for my help a lot. Babysitting, picking up groceries, coming to help with the kids, etc. She would mention mom and dad and how great they were as parents and how they'd be even better grandparents.
I reminded her they were terrible parents to me. She rolled her eyes the first couple of times. But then she said I was ungrateful and childish considering all they had done for her and she said it was spiteful to be angry at them after all this time.
I told her I had every right to be and she said I hold onto petty sh*t because I'm spiteful. I brought up the fact she lied about having no contact with mom and dad and she called me childish again.
My sister's husband was injured and she started to struggle with the kids on top of caring for him. She asked me for help with the kids and I found out she only asked me because our parents were busy and she didn't want to inconvenience them.
I refused to help her and told her she should ask our parents since I'm so ungrateful, childish and spiteful. She said I was an a**hole for my response and lack of help. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
FatSingleM0M
NTA and OP I hope you see this. Going NC with my family was the hardest thing I had to do, but what they did was unforgivable. I wouldn't talk to them for 2.5 years and I was told how much it hurt them to lose me. It hurt me too, but I was so much happier without them in my life.
When I finally agreed to forgive but not forget, things got better. My parents now respect my boundaries because they know if they don't, they lose me again. We have the best relationship I think we've ever had. Now this may not work for you, there's a chance it might.
If losing you doesn't make them finally admit that they need to change, you just go permanent NC. It's hard because that is your family and you want to love them. Right now in their state, they don't deserve you. I'm so sorry for you.
miriboheme
are you serious? wtf are you putting yourself through that for? they're all disgusting. get away from them. NTA.
martintoconnell
Justifiable, so I would say NTA, but you could have taken the high road.
Ironmike11B
NTA. If there was ever a clear and perfect case for going total No Contact with family, this is it. I have said it many times: Toxic people do not get a pass just because they are family!
GirlDad2023_
You're complaining about her early on yet you ran errands for her and babysat her kids? I'm glad you came around and stopped, she's a toxic narcissist and you don't need to feed her ego. Good for you! NTAH.
njtex99
NTA I don’t know who’s more evil your parents or your sister. She played you so she’d have more help with the kids. She was never on your side about the horrendous treatment your parents put you through.
You’re not holding on to petty sh*t after being emotionally abused your whole childhood. Please go NC with her. And I just want to say you are worthy of love and it doesn’t always come by blood.