"AITA for refusing to change someone's baby's diaper?"
My wife and I have been married 10+ years and have a few kids. My SIL and her husband had a baby 2 years ago. No major complaints - they just tend to ask for people to do stuff that I would think they'd do themselves.
They'll come over our house (they live an hour away) and they'll ask ahead of time if we have their kid's favorite crackers on hand. Why they don't just pack the crackers, I don't know (they are well off, money not an issue).
If one of them leaves the room, they'll ask one of us (my wife or kids) to be "in charge" of the baby - even if the other parent is right there, just scrolling on their phone or something.
But whenever I say something to my wife, she says I'm being too much. The other day, we're having a dinner at MIL's house when the baby had a poopy diaper. My SIL looks at me and say in the sweetest voice "Uncle (my name), can you change the diaper?"
She frequently does this when we're there but this was the first time I was asked. I answered, politely:
"No, I'm sorry, I don't do that."
"You....don't do diapers??"
"No, I don't do other people's kid's diapers if their mom or dad is around. I mean if I'm babysitting, sure thing, but yea - if the parents are around - I just feel like its their job."
SIL looks like she's ready to cry "Well...I feel selfish."
I smiled to try and set her at ease, "Not trying to make you feel any way, just telling you a boundary is all."
The table got really awkward as she got up and did the diaper. Afterwards my wife blamed me for making SIL feel bad and said I could've just changed the diaper.
Not trying to make anyone feel bad - but I've had 3 kids and I always took responsibility -I watched them, I packed for them, and I changed them. I'm not looking to be a secondary parent for this kid.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Your SIL only felt bad because the obvious was pointed out to her. You said no when she asked you, then she pressed you further trying to either guilt you into changing the diaper or make you look bad because you didn’t want to change a poopy diaper.
NTA. The parents were there and capable of changing the diaper. That is their responsibility. Anyone else that does it is a kind gesture. I would set the exact same boundary.
NTA i’m a parent and no way would i expect someone else to change my kids nappies when i’m right there. If they offer that’s a different story but it’s so tacky to ask.
NTA, but then why didn't your wife step in and offer to change the diaper? That's right, because she doesn't want to do it either. You have a massive wife problem. She needs to shut this down with her family, not encourage it.
NTA - making sure the baby doesn't come to harm by say rolling off a couch is the responsibility of any adult who sees an issue. Basic hygiene and feeding needs are the problem of the parent. If someone volunteers, then well and good. Otherwise no, that is a fair boundary.
NTA. You were polite, clear, and honest. Changing someone else's kid's diaper when the parents are right there? That’s a hard no. Setting boundaries isn’t rude — expecting you to parent their kid is.
NTA. It's a reasonable boundary, (and if your wife was there, there was nothing to stop her from offering to change the baby, if she didn't want SIL to feel bad.)
NTA. You're not wrong for setting a clear, respectful boundary. What you said wasn’t rude, dismissive, or cruel. You were polite, calm, and firm. That’s exactly how boundaries should be communicated.
I think you handled that amazingly well. She sounds like she's not used to anyone saying no to her and setting boundaries. Putting on the tears and "being selfish" act is manipulation and it sounds like that worked on your wife, not you. Nothing to feel bad about. She sounds like a wanna be princess.
NTA. I gag just cleaning cat vomit. If someone asked me to change their babies dirty diaper at the dinner table in a cutesy "sweet" voice, I'd probably barf at the table just thinking about it and the sweet voice wouldn't help (I hate when people do that ish, especially for favors).
NTA- I’m a mom to one year old identical twins I do a LOT of diapers so does my husband, never once have we asked a dinner guest, or anyone for that matter, to change a poop for us or a wee for that matter. Ridiculous.
NTA - As a Mum, if I'm in the room, nobody else will be changing the nappy. If I'm not in the house (and my husband isn't either), that's different. SIL is being a selfish entitled brat. If her kids need crackers, she should be packing them herself (or go out and buy them).
Her kids are her problem. Nobody else's. I'm glad you put a stop to this and tell your wife to draw the same boundaries as well. Good luck. SIL sounds like a bit of a nightmare! Lol 😆
What strange requests. NTA. You are not obligated to change a diaper if the parents are present. SIL needs to have boundaries and I’m surprised no one has brought them up. She is very entitled.
I don’t think you’re the AH. I would change my sister and BIL’s baby diapers but that’s how our relationship is- there’s nothing wrong with you setting a boundary and even just not doing it because you don’t want to. Sounds kind of odd to ask an uncle to change a babies diaper anyways.
NTA ... sorry but if she wasn't ready for the responsibility of having a kid she should never have had one! And your wife and the family need to stop enabling the terrible entitlement of this woman.
Because she will only demand more and more from others for her kid when it's her and the father's responsibility. You set a perfectly appropriate boundary and if she has a problem with it then she needs to look in the damn mirror and learn how to be a proper parent!