Man refuses to pick up stepdaughter after she screams he's a 'creep' in public.
AITA for not picking my girlfriend's daughter up from an event?
I'm 37, and I've been in a relationship with a mid-40s woman (Amy, she doesn't want to tell me her specific age, which I don't mind) for about a year. She has a 17-year-old daughter I'll call Jess.
Over the weekend, Jess had a school event and had asked me for a ride in advance. I didn't mind in the slightest. I drove her over to the school and we had a nice chat in the car. When she got out though, a bunch of her friends were there, and she waved to me and shouted 'Later creepy stepdad!' with a huge smile.
I think it was a joke to her friends? They laughed and I stared awkwardly for a few seconds. Then Jess said 'Go, go!' literally shooing me away.
I drove home thinking whatever, but over time it started to really grate on me. I know that she wanted to just show off for them, but I didn't want to be stuck in a car with a girl who considered me creepy in any way. I shot her a text around that time that she would have to find another way to get home.
She didn't see my text for some time, but a few hours later she called me asking for a ride. I told her that I couldn't do that as I had had a couple of drinks (which was true). Then she half hung up on me and apparently called her mother.
Amy was busy working on something at the time, and told me that I needed to get over there and pick her up. I responded that she could walk, get a ride from her friends, or take public transportation.
It was 8pm in one of the safest cities in our country and that she was going to be fine. Amy then walked away, grabbed my keys, and drove off in my car, despite having a suspended license.
About 15 minutes later Amy came home and shrieked at me about my treatment of Jess while Jess evacuated to her room. I told her that she really shouldn't be driving without a suspended license, and Amy said she wouldn't have to if I were more responsible.
When I reminded her of why her license was suspended she got furious (it's a pretty touchy subject) and told me she'd leave if she had anywhere else to go. I brushed her off with a lame 'that sounds like a you problem' and we haven't talked since.
Was I being an asshole here?
Comments varied in opinion.
Esh. 17 is old enough to not insult the person doing her a favor, call an Uber, and apologize when she messes up. 37 is old enough to understand teenagers are childish, be the bigger person and not break your promise to them.
40s is old enough actually parent her child by both teaching her manners and using Uber instead of breaking the law. None of you get a pass.
If I were a man there is nothing that would compel me to be alone in a car with child who called me creepy in front of other children. Nope.
I however would have texted her AND her mom and let them both know that I would not be picking her up and also let her mom know they needed to get out of my house immediately. This is not an accusation I would deal with at all in this stage of the relationship.
No, that’s not how this works. He dropped someone off knowing he was their ride. If he had told her before they left that’d be different, they could make round-trip plans or stay home but he didn’t.
He texted her instead of calling, knowing that texts aren’t always read right away and it doesn’t sound as if he told Amy he wouldn’t be going to get Jess, allowing them to plan ahead. He also knows Amy has a suspended license.
He didn’t just not give her a ride home, he intentionally did everything he could to leave her stranded and scrambling.
YTA. You left a minor when you had pre-agreed responsibility for her. Sending her a text does not absolve you of blame or responsibility, regardless of whether or not she read it.
Yes, she's nearly an adult but, right now, it's on you. Yes, she upset you, so you talk to her afterwards and warn her that if it happens again you won't give her rides anywhere.
At worst, you should have updated her mum and ask her to sort out alternative collection (maybe by a family member) before you had a drink and clocked out.
ESH. You suck because you're an adult, and instead of retaliating and acting immature, you should have just spoken with her immediately when she did what she did, when you felt it, or after she got home.
The 17 year old sucks because she's disrespectful and immature. I don't care if you're trying to act chill in front of your friends. You stop that, or she needs to get shut down quickly. Mom sucks because driving without a license and taking your keys and shouting her anger out at you.
Y'all all need counseling and coaching on how to better communicate. Raise your emotional intelligence as well. And for the love of all, the only one acting their age is the 17 year old but everyone needs some maturing.
Honestly, that's making me wonder if there's truth to the daughter's comment. He seems to want to punish her for saying it without actually mentioning what she said. I can see a teenager thinking that calling him creepy in front of her friends might be a 'sneaky' way to get him to leave her alone.
And if she and her mom are dependent on him for rides and housing, she might not feel like she can do more than that.
He knew he would be on the line for picking her up lately. It sounds like he grabbed a beer or two as an excuse to not pick her up, instead of communicating how her comment made him feel.
It’s a pretty shitty thing to have a couple of drinks at night when you know you were going to be responsible for driving later.