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'AITA for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want to take care of his son anymore?'

'AITA for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want to take care of his son anymore?'


"AITA for telling my boyfriend that I don’t want to take care of his son anymore?"

My boyfriend (30) has a son (6), when we started our relationship he was 2. His mother didn’t want me to be involved in the care of their child, and she and I have never really seen eye-to-eye. In the beginning, it went really well and his son was here every other week, but the older he got the less time he was with his mom and he’s with us 100% now since his mom was arrested a year ago.

In the beginning, we divided the chores and child care equally. Four months ago my boyfriend got an opportunity to work on three projects, which could lead him to a big promotion. He’s always working late, either from home or in the office. I’ve been doing all the chores and childcare since then. I cook, clean, get his son ready in the morning, and drop him off at daycare.

The only thing my boyfriend has to do is get his son ready for bed. I told him last Friday that from Monday on I won’t be doing the childcare anymore. He got angry, he said that we’re a family and we need to support each other. He told me he needed me right now and that I just need to be patient. I replied saying that this is his son and he needed to do the majority of the childcare.

I’ve been doing all of it and it’s not fair since he is his father. He then went into the other room, got his son, and told his son that “Mommy says she doesn’t want to take care of you anymore” while pointing at me. I said to not call me that because I’m not his mother and his son started crying. I of course comforted and apologized to his son, because it wasn’t my intention to upset him.

My boyfriend is still mad and has been taking care of his son, but won’t speak to me. I didn’t think this was unreasonable, he is the parent and needs to do more of the child care. And also the mom doesn’t even want me to be involved in child care, so I’m already overstepping her wishes. My sister is on his side and says I’m at fault since he and I are a family now, and he needs my support right now.

And that the mother’s wishes don’t matter at all right now. Like I don't think this was at all unreasonable, but I’m not sure if I was unreasonable here, AITA?

I see a lot of you asking if I work. I do, I'm giving at-home care to the elderly and disabled. I've lowered the number of hours that I work to 20-28 hours per week. How demanding my work is, truly depends on the day, and which client I have on my schedule.

Sometimes I have clients on my schedule that don't require a lot of time and I'm finished by 12 PM and the other times I have to work until 8 pm. It really varies per day.

The jury of the internet gathered to come up with a verdict.

MonkeyPawWishes wrote:

NTA. “Mommy says she doesn’t want to take care of you anymore.” WTF. You need to break up with this man yesterday.

KronkLaSworda wrote:

'He then went into the other room, got his son, and told his son that 'Mommy says she doesn’t want to take care of you anymore.''

Wow, he IMMEDIATELY went to emotional manipulation. WOW.
Anyway, NTA. He's dumped all childcare and house work on you for his projects, and you didn't agree to that. Probably best to move out.

Hot_Win_6062 wrote:

NTA. He is the child's parent and he needs to step up. Additionally, the fact he emotionally manipulated you and used the kid against you is a BIG red flag.

metalmorian wrote:

NTA. Don't hide behind 'what the mom would want'. Whether you are the stepmom or not is irrelevant here. He's dumping all of the domestic work on you and that is unfair, whether you are stepmom or bio mom or whatever.

If that is not the life you want, you need to break up and leave, because he's obviously benefiting from you providing full-time childcare and domestic labour and won't want to give it up, because it has value and he's extracting that value from you and doesn't want to start paying someone to do what you do for free.

What he did to the child is such a f@#king abusive thing to do, too. He doesn't care about the kid at all, just about using the child to beat you into submission. This relationship is over. If you stay, this is the life you'll have.

bloomingbrandi wrote:

I think you need to ask yourself if you’re ready to step up and take on the commitment of being this boy's mom. When dating someone who has kids and living together in this fashion, you are the mom and you guys are a family. I can see why you’re frustrated and any women (or mom) in that situation would be frustrated. Biological kid or not.

Taking care of a child is tough. But it sounds like now that this boy's mom isn’t around anymore, you’re stepping into that role whether you want to or not. Bc that’s what comes with not just dating people with kids, but having this kind of partnership. If this is something that you don’t want, you need to rethink your relationship with your boyfriend.

I will say tho, his reaction to it by telling his son his mommy doesn’t want him anymore was highly manipulative and a huge red flag. Honestly from the outside looking in, I’d run far away from this situation but I know you’re in a relationship for a reason bc you love this person so just my thoughts.

This poor boy deserves way better all around.

Sources: Reddit
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