Someecards Logo
AITA for not allowing my 12yo stepson to live with us? I have 2 sons. UPDATED

AITA for not allowing my 12yo stepson to live with us? I have 2 sons. UPDATED


"AITA for not allowing my stepson (12M) to live with us?"

I have two boys (10M and 5M), and I'm getting married in the next few weeks to my boyfriend who has a 12 son from a previous relationship. My future husband's son asked his dad if he could come live with us after we get married because he wants to experience a genuine family dynamic with parents and siblings, given that his biological parents never married anyone else.

My husband is on board with this idea, believing it would contribute positively to the boy's personal growth. I expressed to my husband that I have reservations about having him live with us, based on observations during the weekends he spends at our place: Firstly, he appears to have a strained relationship with my younger son.

He rarely includes him in activities unless I specifically prompt him to do so. When I ask him to assist the younger boy, such as accompanying him to the bathroom, he does so with obvious reluctance. Secondly, he displays an excessive competitive streak toward my older son. He consistently aims to outperform him and even taunts him when he succeeds.

I find this overly competitive atmosphere uncomfortable. I desire my children to grow up in a nurturing and supportive environment. The third and most significant concern is his academic and behavioral performance. My boyfriend has informed me that his son has been struggling academically and has faced minor behavioral challenges.

I am concerned about his potential negative influence on my children, particularly my older son. My husband dismisses these concerns as typical for his age, believing that with our guidance, he could improve. I sought advice from my mother, and she disagrees with me, asserting that providing a united family environment could greatly benefit my stepson. Both of them label my reasons as unreasonable. AITA?

People had a lot to say about the dynamic.

PandaFrankOpinions wrote:

YTA - You're marrying his father so you should start considering him as your son as well. If your eldest son (10M) started displaying all these behaviours then surely you wouldn't just kick him out and give up on him. I would get your BF onboard with ways to deal with the behaviours that you're not happy with.

engie945 wrote:

YTA. He is your soon-to-be husband's son. He is as entitled to live under the roof as your children are. End of story. I cannot believe this is real.

OrangeCubit wrote:

YTA. You are marrying a family. If you can’t accept your boyfriend’s children into your home then don’t get married. He is not “less than” your sons.

sheramom4 wrote:

YTA. Future stepson sounds like a typical 12-year-old. You seem to think he is a free mother's helper for you with your younger child and that he should treat your older child like he is made of glass. He doesn't need to take your five-year-old to the bathroom and invite him to play. They have different interests given their 7-year age gap. Your son won't melt or break from the competition.

And lastly, a lot of kids that age go through some academic and minor behavioral struggles. Your own kids will as well. I will say that if you continue this your partner should refuse to marry you and should end the relationship. Your kids are not the only kids in your blended family and they should not be your boyfriend's priority.

And after receiving a good deal of feedback, OP jumped on with a response.

EDIT: Many people didn't quite catch the bathroom example I provided. Let's say we're at a park, I can't let my 5-year-old go to the bathroom alone. So, I might have my stepson accompany him for safety reasons. It's the kind of thing an older child should do for a younger one.

Edit2: I'm reading the responses. And some of you bring something that I have never realized that he likes my sons and that is one of the reasons that he wants to live with us. I'm thinking and I appreciate your opinions because it is helping me.

In a wholesome turn of events, it sounds like OP is genuinely taking everything people have said on board.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

Featured Content