Teen snaps at mom and stepdad for calling dad 'petty' for not caring about stepkids.

Being caught in the middle of your parent's divorce as a kid requires a completely unfair level of emotional gymnastics. And it's olympic level when step-parents and stepsiblings are thrown into the mix, particularly if they add shady and loaded emotions to the pile of separation.

While grinning and bearing it can be a functional coping mechanism for awhile, there are times when you have to pull the mask off and tell people exactly what time it is.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a teen asked if he's wrong for snapping at his mom and stepdad about their treatment of his dad.

He wrote:

AITA for telling my mom and stepdad my dad doesn't owe them or their kids anything and they are teaching my half-siblings to be just as entitled as they are?

My mom left mine and my sister's dad when we were 2m and 1f for our stepdad. Our parents split custody of us but as you can imagine, it was not a beautiful, everyone is BFFs kind of blended family. Dad was hurt. Dad still probably is in some ways.

Mom is the one who told us what happened when we were still small (maybe when we were around 5 and 6) because she thought we were confused by the fact dad wasn't going to meet her and my stepdad's baby and the fact we weren't around the baby all the time, which is something she thought we were sad about.

We were never confused about dad not being around the baby. We knew why. Because the baby was not his kid like we were his kids. We also weren't exactly sad because babies are loud and we loved our dad's place. His house had him, we had more outdoor space and we had kids to play with in the neighborhood.

I think it did more harm than good the way mom talked about it because she came across to us, like she wanted us to dislike dad for being mad at her for leaving him for our stepdad. There was a point a year ago too where my sister said she felt like mom wanted us to say we were glad it happened or something. I kinda got that too. But my sister could put it into words where I couldn't before.

My parents don't really talk. I don't think dad is mad anymore but he's never going to go out of his way for mom or our stepdad. I don't think he's wrong for that either. They don't care about his feelings. And our half-siblings aren't any of his concern so it's never going to bother me. A couple of years ago my mom and stepdad got into a car accident while we were all in school.

My sister and I were at dad's that week so he picked us up from school like normal. I'm not sure who asked or how many different people asked him but at least one person asked if he could pick up my half-siblings from school when he picked us up (they were in different schools but they are right next to each other). My dad said no and he didn't take them.

But someone communicated badly because my half-siblings were left there and it became a whole ordeal. My dad ended up being painted as the bad guy. My half-siblings were made very aware of the fact my dad didn't pick them up and how wrong others thought that was. My dad is now spoken about like he owed something and didn't follow through. My stepdad has called him a petty a**hole.

I'm tired of it and when my mom and stepdad were b**ching about how cruel he was to my half siblings, I told them my dad didn't owe their kids anything and given how much my half siblings speak crap about my dad, they were making them just as entitled as the two of them are. That they should never have been told s**t and should not think my dad owes them something.

They tried to ground me for speaking to them that way and I told them they were ridiculous and I was so done with them. My mom said I am the oldest and should be more compassionate and understanding. She also accused me of being like my dad. AITA?

Reddit spilled the juice on what they would do in OP's shoes.

ilp456 wrote:

NTA. Your dad is under no obligation to care for your half siblings. I’ve lived in three different states (US) and schools have always required at least two emergency contacts. The school is at fault for not going to their emergency contact list and calling those people.

You simply spoke the truth. Your mom and stepdad don’t want to accept any accountability for their roles in what led up to your dad’s refusal so they lashed out at you.

msfinch87 wrote:

You’re NTA, not at all. First of all, your Dad was not obligated to pick up kids that weren’t his. He doesn’t even need a reason for that, but in this instance, he had a couple of very good reasons. Not only his personal distress and discomfort, but also that this is the kind of situation where accusations fly left and right if something goes wrong. Good on your Dad for having appropriate boundaries.

Your Dad should actually never have been asked in the first place. He was not the appropriate person and should not have been placed in that position. This is then entirely on the people who didn’t communicate properly and find an appropriate person. I think it is fantastic that you are standing up for your Dad.

Your Mum and stepdad are engaging in behaviours designed to drive a wedge between you and your Dad, which is both unfair and harmful to you. They’re trying to basically cover up their own poor behaviour by painting him as the bad guy whenever they can. They can’t accept responsibility.

idkme- wrote:

NTA. All you did was stand up for your dad. To be fair, there is a lot you could have said that would have been way worse.

Info: Does their school not require someone on the list to pick kids up? I know at our school you can have a list of approved people for pickups. If so, why was your dad even on it? He has never had anything to do with their kids.

NTA. Going to put this out there. My son is part of a blended family, his dad left me for his now wife. She had 2 kids before they met and they now have 2 together. The way she has spoken about me and the way they tried to destroy my life and relationship with my son was awful. Their (and her) kids have an opinion of me based off my ex and his wife.

I would never wish bad on them, but if anything were to happen his kids are NOT my problem. Our son is the priority, but their kids? Nah. They have other family that can look after them. Her parents, his parents. Either of their siblings etc.

My point, they have other people who would be better suited as carers for children in a distressing situation, family they are more familiar with, trust better, and have some relationship with.

They are basically asking a semi-stranger to care for their kids, how upsetting for those kids! A man they’ve been taught to dislike (possibly hate, or at least think very negatively of) why would you want your kids to be with such an ‘awful’ person.

subsailor1968 wrote:

NTA, neither is your father. Sucks for the younger step-siblings, but while it would have been nice for him to pick them up, it is in no way expected that a man would care for the kids his ex had with the person she left him for.

I don’t think I’d have done it. Maybe if it was “please pick them up and take them to X”, but I wouldn’t have kept them. These kids and their father, and your mother, seem to be really sh***y to your father. Sure can’t expect favors from him in that case.

75oharas wrote:

Would your Dad even be allowed to take your step-siblings? I'm not a parent but I've seen how reports of schools requiring lists of approved adults (I had to be added to my nephew's to pick him up from school) and he has no actual relationship to your step siblings so why would he be on 'their' list?

Clearly OP is NTA, and his mom and stepdad need to let go of their grudge and take responsibility for how they've slandered and hurt OP's dad.