Towards the end of last year, I started talking to a girl I went to high school with. We didn't really stay in touch and are both now. (35). She had always had this very outgoing bubbly personality and a strong faith since I knew her. I was brought up religious, but fell away from it.
When we started hanging out, we talked one night about past relationships and how we had both always had bad relationships that ended with the other party cheating/lying and in her case she talked about how she was always abused. She actually dated one of my friends' buddies and told me a little bit about that relationship etc. (This will be important later)
I, for once, felt like I found a woman who understood me and that we had been through similar pain. She was nothing but nice and caring our whole relationship. Always asking about my day, cooking me dinner, running me a bath, giving me massages and never once putting me down. She was always trying to build me up anytime I was hard on myself. I honestly thought she was too good of a girl for me.
In order to not make this super long we'll fast forward to last month where, for a week she suddenly became distant. At first, she was sick, and I was just giving her space. I had sent her some flowers on a Friday, which she was happy to get but over the weekend and into the next she wasn't really answering my texts or calls.
As I said at the time, I thought she just needed space but in the back of my mind I did have some thoughts of what if she's seeing someone else or we're about to breakup. Now during our whole relationship, I had full trust in this woman more than I'd ever had in any other.
She finally called me the following Friday and I could tell where it was headed. She said she wanted to find a man of faith etc. To which I told her that if that's what she wants then that's what she deserves. We talked for about an hour and after hanging up I really wasn't all that upset over it.
For me, I felt for once I had an honest and respectful relationship and felt I could finally find that moving forward. Me and her just weren't for each other but at least I had seen that I could find someone who would treat me right in the future. Then, that all turned upside down.
However, not more than a week later I see her post a picture on Facebook with another guy. At first, I'm like, this has to be an old Facebook account etc. Well not only was it not, she was also ENGAGED to this guy.
At this point I'm feeling all kinds of emotions. I texted her basically saying that she could have just been upfront with me. She responds saying she's sorry and that she knows this seems crazy, but they had hung out after we broke up and he confessed his feelings towards her.
I couldn't wrap my head around any of this and she apologized another time or two and then basically said she wasn't going to keep apologizing etc. Telling me how I should go to Church and find God etc.
In one of my heated moments, I decide to leave a comment on her new fiancé post about them getting engaged saying "funny we were just in a relationship less than a week ago."
She called me the following morning mad that I had posted that, saying I had no right and that we were broken up etc. She was still claiming she had never cheated on me or anything.
She finally admitted that they were talking while we were together, but she'd known him 10 years and wasn't going to stop talking to a friend and that it was never anything "bad." I told her she emotionally cheated on me and she denied it over and over. I was losing my mind and was a danger to myself for several days as I couldn't understand this at all.
THEN, two days later, I get a message from her fiancé asking if I was in a relationship with X, and that "she claims you two never dated and had talked a long time ago and that was it."
At this point I'm like WTH is this serious? She's completely denying my existence at this point. Not to mention one of her old best friends literally dates my brother who we'd hung out with while dating. Plus, we have mutual friends from high school etc.
He asked for proof, so I provide him text messages, pictures etc. He was taken aback. He had no idea she was seeing me. He told me he'd already caught her in a couple of lies and brushed it off but he didn't feel he could marry someone who had lied and cheated on the both of us.
I felt bad for the guy as he seems like a really good guy himself. He told me they had started talking on August 7th, we broke up on August 25th. I also found a picture of them both hanging out on her couch, embraced in a hug, on August 16th.
At this point I'm still trying to put everything together, trying to figure out how this woman who did nothing but treat me well our entire relationship could turn around and deny my existence and basically not even care.
The fact that she told me lies and talked about God in the same paragraph just blew me away. Even when confronted with the evidence, she continued claiming she never cheated on me. They're both still moving forward with the engagement and wedding.
You were taken advantage of; this new guy just seems to be asking for hurt - he knows full well going in she’s a cheater. You’ll recover OP, and one day you’ll look back and laugh at that poor sucker who knowingly married a lying, cheating woman.
Yeah, I don't get it. Even when he messaged me he'd already caught her in a few lies before knowing this. I think he's just in denial and feels trapped since their already engaged and doesn't want to call it off due to the fallout between families.
Plus, they've already had their wedding shower and the honeymoon and wedding are set in like the next month or two. I mean the dude even saw graphic images of me with her so I'm sure that'll always be stuck in the back of his head.
It sucks for you. But imagine being the soon to be husband. And if he goes ahead with it. It's on him. You did what you could. Time to move forward and find someone new.
You're right man. When he messaged me I wasn't even sure if I should respond but I did. At first he seemed crushed but then he went on talking about how he'd let God guide him. Then flipped on me and blocked me lol
I read your post and it kind of hit close to home for me. Something very similar happened to me when i was young. Man it was so long ago but i remember i had asked her mom for the blessing as i was working to get a ring and about a few weeks later she broke up with me.
Found out, she was cheating the whole time and she ended up being with him in a relationship for the next 5 years before they ultimately broke up.
Word of advice from my experience is that if a person is like this now they will be like this later. You are going to be grieving for a while but once you've ironed it all out with yourself emotionally you'll look back at it as a learning experience in regards to what is sincerely best for you and your life going forward.
You can treat this as a catalyst for good or bad. Most people end up letting a situation like this ruin them but this is just a sign that the universe is looking out for you in the long run. Take the hint and make the best out of this. Believe you me, you'll be more than ok.
Man you don't know how much it means when people can relate to me. This one totally blindsided me as I had 100% trust in her as my perception of her was totally off from who she truly was.
My worst trait is letting go. I hold on and don't know how to let go and it takes me a long time to recover. I get wrapped up in wanting revenge which isn't right but my mind leads me there at times and I don't realize it in the moment.
Psychopath. They have a vague idea of how they're supposed to behave and learn to do it quite well. Unfortunately, emotions such as love and loyalty have a varying degree of availability. Most feel things, just not as intensely.
Narcissist. A narcissist will be the model partner if it makes them look good, but it doesn't mean they really care for you. They care for how you make them look and feel. Either condition would explain devoted attentiveness that abruptly changes. She tried to do just enough to look good in doing it.
It may hurt now, but when the shock wears off, you'll realize you dodged a bullet. If this other guy goes through with marrying her, he's either also cheating or delusional. Either way, be glad you got out. The best petty revenge, is to live your best life. Let these two take care of themselves. As the wedding toast goes: 🥂May they both get, what they so richly deserve 🥂!