Vegetarian skips BBQ for 'moral reasons,' so friend uses same to bail on baby shower.
'AITA for turning down an invite to a baby shower using the same reasons she sent for turning down a BBQ'
I became friends with some co-workers before covid job losses. We kept in touch because we seemed to have interests in common, like saving money and living more sustainably.
Last year Anna had a milestone birthday and threw a BBQ.
I arrived early to help set up but Anna was quite upset. Apparently our other friend Betty had sent a text early in the morning saying she wouldn't be coming because of moral reasons.
Betty had gone vegetarian again and didn't want to be around people eating meat. I cheered Anna up and we moved on.
Turns out the meat was mostly fish and squid because several people attending were fishermen, and there were plenty of veggie options because many vegetarians and vegans attended.
Just over a week ago I received a baby shower/gender reveal party invite from Betty.
Personally I really dislike gender reveals but we also hadn't talked much for over 8 months so I was a bit surprised she wanted me there. I knew I would be uncomfortable so I replied quickly that I would not be coming.
A few days later Betty messaged me again asking me to come to the party as she would have my favourite tarts. I admit I don't care that much about Betty, we were never really close, and I cynically though she was out to get a bunch of stuff (the original invite even said 'Don't come empty handed').
I decided on impulse to text back a version of what she sent to Anna last year.
The Text:
'Sorry, I won't be able to come to your baby shower. I don't agree morally or ethically with the choices you are making. I cannot be around people right now who are doing things that are leading to the destruction of our planet.'
Betty blew up my phone calling me names. I thought it was good to give Betty a taste of her own medicine. Anna thinks I'm an AH because she said getting the original text from Betty was horrible and two wrongs don't make a right. So am I an AH?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA - she hasn't seen you for over eight months, yet suddenly gets in touch to invite you to a gift grab? That's so transparent it's offensive, so I can't condemn your response.
ESH weird triangulations . Anne is the only one in the clear.
NTA.
Two wrongs doesn’t make a right, but your response was HILARIOUS. It’s also like super trashy to put “don’t come empty handed” on invites, especially when sent to people you’re not in touch with.
YTA. None of y’all are friends. Just let it go, no reason to play games here.
YTA.
You should not respond to rudeness with rudeness; it brings you down to their level.
It was gratuitous. You never needed an excuse. A simple 'That doesn't work for me' suffices.
You both sound f*cking exhausting, stay away from each other.
NTA and also, I think I love your petty petty brain.