'AITA for refusing to bring my daughter to her grandparents’ house on Thanksgiving?' UPDATED 2X
"AITA for refusing to bring my daughter to her grandparents’ house on Thanksgiving?"
My sister in law (SIL) has a chihuahua that is basically her child. He has growled at my daughter since birth, with my SIL saying “he hates babies but is good with toddlers.”
My daughter wasn’t mobile so it was easy enough to keep them separate for a while. So now my child is a toddler (16 months) and last time we were all over together was one of the scariest moments of my life. The dog lunged at her face, growling and snapping. Luckily my daughter wasn’t harmed but that was the last straw for my husband and I.
We let them all know that was the last time she will be around that dog and they need to be separated from now on. My SIL wasn’t in the room when it happened but apologized and agreed and said she would get her dog training.
Fast forward a few months to today - we will all be getting together for Thanksgiving and my SIL travels out of town and has to bring her dogs. We texted saying fyi - the dog needs to be in another room away from our daughter while we are there. She didn’t answer.
We call my mother in law (MIL) who was extremely defensive, saying the dog does not need to be secluded in another room if someone is holding him. To us, that is not good enough assurance. What if the dog jumps down, someone sits with him and our daughter walks up to them, etc.
We talked to my father in law and he was wishy-washy with trying to smooth things over but also not confirm the dog would be in another room. We are letting them know this is non negotiable and we will not be coming to Thanksgiving if the dog is not secluded in another room.
Holding him while she is running around is not good enough. They are making us feel guilty and unreasonable, and guaranteeing that he can’t harm her while someone holds him, but the last time he lunged he was inches away from biting her face. AITAH?
Here's what people had to say before the update:
These family members are massive AHs. Op - DO NOT GO. They are not taking the safety of your child seriously. The dog already tried to hurt your child. They’re picking an animal over their grandchild. Please do not let them bully you into putting your child in harm’s way. You would never forgive yourself if your child was injured.
Gypsyheartwanderer writes:
Smart dog owners know that even well trained dogs shouldn’t be left unsupervised with children. It’s an unpredictable and volatile mix. It’s simply not worth the risk. NTA
TXCRH67 writes:
You are NTA, your whole family is! Put the dog in a crate in another room of the house and you're good to go.
Update from OP:
So my SIL texted back this evening with a vague one-line response saying they will keep my daughter safe. I responded and told her I’m glad we’re in the same page, but unless he is put behind a shut door away from our daughter (gating isn’t an option with the house layout) we aren’t coming.
She responded that obviously her parents are not okay with that plan and they will be kept separated, and if he shows any aggression her dogs would be shut in her room.
So we are officially doing our first Thanksgiving as a solo family tomorrow. My husband and I are understandably pissed and heartbroken with his family but we will make the best of it.
We are sure we’re going to get calls from his parents tomorrow to guilt us and make us feel like we are being unreasonable. But our mind is made and luckily we have a lot of food because we were going to bring like half the thanksgiving meal. ?
Here's what people had to say to OP after the update:
ThereTheDogIsBuried asks:
INFO: I keep reading the update, and I'm confused. The SIL says that it's her parents who are not ok with the separation plan. But the SIL also says she'll sit the dog in another room (if aggressive), and previously agreed to the separation plan.
It did like it's the parents as the driving force here, not the SIL. My question is... why? Why do the in-laws care what's happening with someone else's dog?
Jass_the_Yass OP responded:
I honestly have no idea and I thought it was really strange that she phrased it that way as well. My MIL does love that dog a lot though and is super close with my SIL. So either way it sounds like she and her parents are a united front on it and we got the answer we needed to make the final decision to stay home.
Azm029A writes:
NTA. On top of everything else, your SIL does not love that dog. Were it to bite your child, the likely result would be that SIL would be responsible for damages and the dog would be put down. The in-laws just want comfort and convenience over safety. Locking a dog up in a room for a bit is not abusive.
my-kind-of-crazy writes:
NTA. At this point even if they said they would separate the dog away I wouldn’t believe them. “Oops dog got out! See it’s fine! Let’s leave it out!”
Later OP came back with a second update:
First of all, I had no idea this post was going to blow up like it did, but thank you all so much for sharing all of your stories and comments. It honestly helped validate our stance.
And people are asking if we ended up going over today… no we did not. We had a great thanksgiving as a trio. We’re not caving to their flawed logic for future events, so we might have more nuclear-family holidays in the future. The most important thing is my daughter is unharmed and safely sleeping in her crib. ? Thanks again and happy thanksgiving everyone! ?❤️