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Trans man storms out of Thanksgiving after being sat at kid's table and misgendered.

Trans man storms out of Thanksgiving after being sat at kid's table and misgendered.


There are times when the best thing you can do is walk right out the door.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a young man asked if he was wrong for walking out of Thanksgiving dinner after being forced to sit at the kid's table. He wrote:

"AITA for walking out of Thanksgiving dinner for having to sit at the kid's table?"

I (24M) walked out in the middle of my dad/step-family's Thanksgiving last week. I was not raised religious, but my father married into an extremely Mormon family when I was about 14. My step-mom isn't actively LDS anymore, but she still is very close with her family. I'm not close to any of them, but I'll still attend family gatherings and act civil because it makes my dad happy.

This year, I stormed out in the middle of dinner and nobody has spoken to me since. These family gatherings are extremely overwhelming for me. When I say they're extremely Mormon, I mean EXTREMELY Mormon. My step-grandfather was a bishop for many years and already has 6 great-grandkids at the age of 75. Every year it seems like there are 3 or 4 new babies. All of my cousins married before the age of 20.

I have been sitting at the kid's table with said cousins for a while but this year I noticed something different. I noticed that all the cousins my age got to sit at the adult's table after they returned from their mission or got married. I am the oldest of the cousins but have not been invited. I was stuck sitting with a group of 10-15-year-olds I only saw once a year.

I don't do well with kids and was pretty much forced to babysit them. After a few minutes of tolerating baby talk, I went to move my plate to the adult's table, I was told that there wasn't room. I jokingly asked if I needed to get married to sit at the adult table. My step-grandmother then told me that marriage is how women become real adults so usually yes. This comment blew me away for a few reasons.

Misogyny aside, I came out to them as transgender a few months ago and have been on testosterone to the point where I am obviously not a woman to anyone with eyes. My dad took it poorly at first but has been making an effort to try harder and accept me. It's really hard for both of us but I appreciate that he's trying so I try to meet him halfway (ie going to Thanksgiving).

The Mormon family has taken it extremely poorly. They have made no effort to learn more about me and respect who I am. They've never liked that I'm the opposite of a good LDS girl. They photoshop all my piercings and tattoos out of family photos. They used to be polite to me, but this comment from step-grandma was extremely intentional and pointed. I put my plate in the sink and left without saying a word.

I called my dad later in the evening to apologize for leaving without saying goodbye and he declined my call. I tried again and he declined it again. I have not heard from anyone in the family since Thursday. AITA?

EDIT: It was extremely obvious when I left. I wasn't exactly subtle when...closing...doors and leaving my plate.

The internet had OP's back.

LadyCass79 wrote:

NTA. You aren't the problem here. I am sorry this is the family you have. It's funny how really nasty these "moral" religious folks are. Goes to show that morality, human dignity, kindness, and respect aren't really religious traits as much as they like to claim them. I bet you anything you display more respect and tolerance for their views than they ever will for yours.

Successful_Bath1200 wrote:

NTA. You really do not need this in your life. They are being very disrespectful. Regardless of your life choices, you deserve to be treated as an adult. You do not need them in your life. if they want to apologise, let them come to you.

Subme-sweetly wrote:

Dude. You messed up! You could have radicalized those preteens while the “adults” were busy. Get them excited about tattoos and body piercings while the grownups discuss biblical purity and how to best press their khakis. Destroy the next generation while the old coots congratulate themselves on ruling the universe!

TheRealPaj wrote:

NTA, but, that got a little confusing for a minute - might be worth putting the trans point a little higher in the post 😅 Seriously, NTA, though. It sounds like you're better off away from them, and like your dad is now using it as an excuse to let his bigotry re: your transition go full tilt. Or, he's decided they're more important to him, which is just as bad.

Keksdepression wrote:

TBH, if I had been in your situation I'd have said something along the lines of "Well, if I'm not an adult yet, you will excuse me for doing something as immature as this..." and then proceeds to smack my food in their face. NTA.

OP is NTA at all, if anything, he missed an opportunity to go hard on the family.

Sources: Reddit
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