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Woman decides to spend the day at the beach instead of cooking Thanksgiving dinner. AITA?

Woman decides to spend the day at the beach instead of cooking Thanksgiving dinner. AITA?


There's nothing quite like a breakup to "break up" all of the activities you normally love participating in. What once brought you joy can now make you feel sadder and more stressed than ever. Which is why stepping back is sometimes the best medicine.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for refusing to cook Thanksgiving dinner this year despite her family's protests. She wrote:

"AITA for not cooking Thanksgiving dinner and spending the day at the beach instead?"

I (27f) have solely been responsible for cooking Thanksgiving dinner for 20+ people for the last 8 years. I do all the shopping, cooking, and setting up. Months before Thanksgiving I start looking at grocery prices and tweaking recipes to fit dietary restrictions (Caribbean family, vegans and pescatarians, meat eaters). I also make enough for the college-aged kids to have leftovers.

I usually make 3 turkeys, 2 party pans of mac and cheese and a party pan of mashed potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole, collard greens, yams, mini seafood quiches, stuffed mushrooms, rolls, and a salad from scratch. Plus all the desserts apple pie, sweet potato pie, cheesecake, homemade ice cream, and breads also from scratch. I start making stocks and doughs Tuesday night.

I bake my bread for stuffing and make my cheesecake and pies Wednesday after work. Cook all day Thursday so we can sit down and start eating at by 4 so my aunts who work the nights shift as nurses can enjoy. Every year people invite unexpected guests and it becomes 30+. I would be ok if it were plus ones but my mom invites her friends and their kids.

My mom and aunt asked me to make additional turkeys and some sides for their units. I never feel appreciated for everything I do to make it special and accommodate everyone. This year I’m separated from my husband and I really don’t feel like bending over backwards cooking for people who don’t even leave me leftovers to make a sandwich the next day.

This year I’ve decided not to cook and just spend my day at the beach, the only bonus to living in. Florida. I was asked how much the adults should Zelle me for Thanksgiving groceries at the beginning of the month and I told them I’m not cooking. Today I received a zelle from my uncle and when I returned it he asked why, I reminded him and the family group chat I wasn’t cooking.

Now they want me to cancel my plans and cook. Am I the AH for not wanting to?

EDIT: This is my favorite holiday but my separation has left me emotionally exhausted and without any passion to cook.

The internet had a lot to say about it.

FatChance68 wrote:

NTA You are going through something right now with the separation and the fact that all of these people have somehow started relying on only you to provide the meal is insane. My family has always done assigned dishes for each branch of the family.

Expecting one person to do ALL of the planning and cooking is too much. Someone else can step up, or they can skip Thanksgiving this year. Either way, have fun at the beach.

Antique_Ad_4413 wrote:

NTA. I'm a professional chef and that is a tremendous amount of food you were cooking, with basically no help. Enjoy the beach stick your feet in the sand dip a toe in the water and eat a turkey sandwich from a deli. If anyone complains tell them this is their year to cook.

Let them deal with uninvited guests dietary restrictions all those desserts and then have everybody eat their food and walk away and leave the cook no leftovers.

HypersomnicHysteric wrote:

NTA. So you don't want to play the free maid for everybody anymore? Good for you!

ymmudgnillorty wrote:

NTA for not wanting to cook for 20-30 people by yourself, that’s an insane amount of work. Are you a professional chef or something? I can’t imagine why you’d ever agree to that and make it the norm in your family.

On the other hand, you probably should have had a conversation with some of your family members that you felt burnt out this year and would like help cooking since everyone was anticipating you cooking. Just saying “I’m not cooking” is cold af, but I get it and I also get why your family’s mad at it. Y’all gotta talk to each other and they should offer you help.

JTBoom1 wrote:

NTA, enjoy yourself, you deserve it! Let someone else shoulder the burden this year. Something like this should be a rotating event and not rest on the shoulders of one person.

And OP responded:

We rotate holidays. New Years and at aunt #1 house, Easter and Christmas Eve at aunt #2’s house, 4th of July at aunt 3’s and Thanksgiving at mine.

OP is clearly NTA, she's overdue for a break.

Sources: Reddit
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