Drunk actions are sober thoughts. One man found out the hard way on a popular Reddit thread in the Today I F*cked Up Subreddit.
TIFU by banging my first cousin.
I went out for drinks with my girlfriend and met up with my younger cousin at the bar. We'd all hung out once before and had a great time. My cousin invited a couple of her friends to the bar, too; we did some bar hopping. I got sh*tfaced pretty unintentionally (The last bar was, I swear, not putting any mixers in my cocktails, they were straight alcohol).
So we're about to leave, and my cousin's friends are trying to get her home because she's sh*tfaced too. My GF was our DD, so we offered to let her stay in our spare room. Everyone was cool with that because who's safer than family, right?
Wrong. We get home, and (I had to piece together some of this later because I blacked out for most of it), initially, everything was excellent. My cousin went to the spare room, and my GF got her situated. The problems started a little later when I, in my infinite wisdom, decided to walk straight out of my bedroom with my girlfriend in it and into my cousin's room.
I don't particularly remember much except for two details that are unimportant to the story. Well, okay, so one might be. I remember her giving me a very enthusiastic BJ, which, as you can imagine, makes a lot of noise. Apparently, after a while, my GF came out of the room wondering where I was because I had just f*cking disappeared.
My GF didn't barge into the room or anything, but she heard the noises, which is pretty obvious. So at that point, she left. She left me, and I don't blame her.
That means I wake up the following day, having blacked out, oblivious that my GF was gone already, but I'm naked next to my naked cousin. There were leftovers from lovemaking all over the bed where her face was; she didn't even sleep with a pillow. There's no hiding this, but I'm still half-drunk, and I went to try to sneak back into my room, which I found empty.
I haven't heard from my GF all week, and I'm sure we're done, and I don't blame her. All I can hope for now is that this sh*t doesn't get out to my family because I would probably implode. No, my cousin and I will not start hooking up regularly. It's super awkward, and she has hardly said a word to me. Again, I don't blame her.
Have you considered joining légion étrangère? Or some other military group that will throw you to fight some unknown conflict in the middle of nowhere for several years, teach you a new language, and give you citizenship for another country? That's probably your best option right now.
She is a savage for not sleeping with a pillow who does that
Just start saving up to move far away from anyone who ever knew you