Is it toxic to go through your partner's DMs without their consent? Yes, but only if you find nothing. On a popular Reddit thread in the Today I F*cked Up Subreddit, a woman digs through her partner's DMs and actually finds some suspect messages.
TIFU by opening my fiancé's dms
The wound is still fresh, so bear with me.
I had a rough day, and my fiancé's algorithms are top-notch, so I was scrolling through his apps to entertain myself,f hoping for a pick-me-up. He went to take a shower. I opened his Instagram and noticed he had a couple of new DMs. We don't snoop through each other's phones, but we don't hide anything either (or so I thought), so I clicked on them to see if they were important because he doesn't check Insta that often.
WELL. I see the DMs are from a deleted account???, thus sparking my interest. So I click, and I scroll. Messages go years back--maybe twenty to thirty messages total. Some winky faces, some slightly sexual memes, and a few lingerie photos. Nothing outright incriminating but... who is this b*tch? My heart dropped. We're getting married in less than five months. These messages aren't okay. I started to see red.
I put on my big girl pants, wiped my tears, and stormed into the bathroom. Rip open the shower curtain, revealing this idiot's (albeit glorious) naked body. He, though quite startled, raises his eyebrows and smirks. He says, 'Looking to join?' Wrong move, buddy.
I go off. You know, like a bada**. My fiance denies it. You know, like a liar. I hold his towel hostage and toss his phone, so he can see for himself. He scrolls and pulls off this wildly confused demeanor. I see the blood leave his face. He kinda says, stuttering, '...baby, I don't know?'
We go back and forth. He swears up and down. He has no idea who this could be. 'I'm just as surprised as you are!!!' He claims, criminally. So, I take his phone to quote this 'other woman' for emphasis.
The Reveal
I ready my best valley girl voice and scroll to the most recently received messages. I noticed for the first time a picture she sent of a Guinea pig. I think, 'Aw hell, I love Guinea pigs.' Then I remember I have seen this Guinea pig before.
Then I realize. This girl is me.
I deleted all my social media almost a year ago. Neither of us remembered any of the messages we sent. I start laughing and happy crying. My fiancé looks like he just won the lottery and received the death penalty simultaneously.
The Aftermath
Now we sit, both recently showered, debating whether or not we should welcome a Guinea pig into our family. I am so embarrassed. He is so relieved. We are crazy, stupid, and so in love.
If you like pina coladas...
My wife found a woman's silver bracelet in the back seat of my car. She didn't outright accuse me of cheating, but it was very suspect. I also had no idea where this bracelet could have come from so I was also confused about it.
A couple of years later we were looking at pictures of a wedding we had gone to years before. In one of the photos, clear as day, there's my wife wearing the bracelet. It was a gift from the bride to my wife for being a bridesmaid.
Get two Guinea pigs - they need company.