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Woman is told off for refusing to be 'peer pressured' into tipping 'b*tchy' waitress.

Woman is told off for refusing to be 'peer pressured' into tipping 'b*tchy' waitress.


'AITA for not letting a waitress peer pressure me like she did my friends?'

A group of friends and I (20F) spontaneously decided to go to a sushi restaurant, the six of us all paying separately. The waitress was weirdly cold and bitchy the whole time. At the end, she came around to each person so we could pay individually. She brought the payment screen around to the first two people (20M and 20F).

They paid for their initial meal costs. Then each time the tipping screen came up, the waitress deliberately turned the screen around to face the entire table, so that all six of us could see what the others were tipping.

It was totally an attempt to peer pressure everyone to tip high, so we wouldn’t look stingy or poor in front of our friends. The choices were 25%, 30%, and 35%. Both our first two friends seemed taken aback at how it was handled and my one friend muttered “oh wow,” and both selected 35% definitely out of peer pressure.

Now, I recently had a talk with my parents, who told me I need to grow a spine and stop wasting money tipping people when I don’t have to. I have a bad habit of tipping cashier workers at takeout places when I don’t need to, because I get anxiety when the screen comes up and they stare me down daring me not to tip.

I go to a local coffee shop every day for a coffee, and the tip options are “$1, $2, and $3” so I often end up doubling the cost of coffee. My parents told me to knock it off and stop being pressured.

When the sushi waitress got to me, I was pissed that she was showing off the screen to the whole restaurant, and I started thinking how much money I waste every day tipping. I clicked “custom amount” (the only option below 25%) and typed $0.

Her eyes like flashed with anger, and she looked threatening, and she snarled “not feeling very generous today, honey?” at me. I said no. She stormed by me, knocking into my chair, and showed the screen in my friend’s face.

I guess me not tipping gave them confidence, because our remaining three friends (21M, 20F, 21F) all clicked “custom amount” and tipped like 15%, 10%, and $0. The waitress was enraged and walked to the back aggressively, and we heard her slam something down.

My three friends who custom-tipped thanked me for what I did because they said they would’ve wasted a lot of money tipping 35% out of fear of looking broke in front of everyone.

The first two who tipped 35% are pissed off because they said they tipped high out of anxiety, and it’s not fair the rest of us got out of tipping high when they had to. I said they could’ve broken the chain if they had the confidence, but they fell to peer pressure and lost their money. AITA?

Here's what people had to say:

find_my_soul writes:

YTA. Doesn't sound like the waitress is doing a great job 'earning' her tips, and for the way she handled the checks, she sucks. In her defense, she literally works for tips, so even though it's not mandatory to tip, it is expected. Which brings me to you and your parents.

I can't believe your parents are trying to teach you that tipping is 'wasting money'. It's because of people like you that the waitress did what she did and probably why she has a bad attitude. You guys all suck. Tip your waitress or don't go out to eat.

I'll continue to feel this way until/unless society changes and the service industry gets paid a living wage without tips. It's not an easy job.

uivesokn OP responded:

I have the right to go out to eat. And waitstaff actually earn minimum wage like everyone else if no one tips, as I learned from a waiter friend. The myth that they don’t get minimum wage isn’t correct.

shezza314 writes:

Lmao unless you're not in america that just is not true.

uivesokn OP responded:

Yes, it is.

WVildandWVonderful writes:

YTA for paying 0 and encouraging others to as well. Takeout orders take up servers’ time away from table orders. Take out orders require work to organize. Some restaurants also have servers put together cold items like salads.

Traditionally, 10-15% was standard for takeout/to-go orders while at least 15-20% was standard for dining in.

uivesokn OP responded:

Takeout restaurant means a restaurant where you only pick up your food, not dine in. All they do is stand at the counter and ring up the total. Traditionally, you never tip, but they just recently started adding the tip option to get more money.

antonator612 writes:

Maybe it's a European thing, but I would say NTA. If the service was bad, you don't tip. Simple as that.

moza_jf writes:

We went out for dinner in NYC, the server clocked our British accents and basically sat down to get chummy and give us a crash course in US Tipping 101. Unfortunately for him, we'd both been to the US before, and knew about the tipping culture there - but his attitude left us feeling justified in giving him the minimum possible rather than the top level he'd been angling for.

bootlegenergy writes:

Server here and I cringed just reading this, I avoid talking about my tip with guests at all costs. To do so is in bad taste. This waitress was horrid.

oldwhitebitch writes:

Just going to say, as a former server and bartender, ty for tipping the minimum. You don’t get paid minimum wage. You rely on tips. Even with not great service I leave 15%.

feuilletoniste573 writes:

ESH. It sounds like the waitress was rude and pushy, but if you're in the US where waitstaff make less than minimum wage, it should be a point of principle to tip the standard amount for even basic service (did she take your order correctly, and deliver the right food to you?).

You weren't under any obligation to go for the full 35%, but 18% minimum (and more if you're in an expensive city like NYC) should just be regarded as part of the cost of going out to eat.

She may have been having a bad day or simply have a grumpy disposition, but it's not her fault that you routinely over-tip at other establishments, so there was no reason to over-correct when it came to paying for this particular meal.

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