Man demands wife stay awake while he drives; she calls him a 'toddler.' AITA?
'AITA for wanting my wife to stay up during a road trip and talk to me?'
I'm writing this right now at the hotel where I'm at because I'm genuinely at a loss of words. I don't think I'm in the wrong but at the same time, she looks really pissed at me.
My wife, me, and our 2 year old are going on our first family road trip to California.
We rotate driving in shifts, but the problem is that when I was driving, my shift fell during the night, and so I was feeling really lonely and bored as I was driving. I'm not someone who can be left to his own thoughts very well, and I need people around me. I thrive on energy and excitement.
My wife is a bit of the opposite. She's generally fine with being left alone and can sit quietly for hours and hours upon end.
The problem is that around 11:00 p.m., I was driving and my wife and our son were in the backseat. I was feeling isolated, so I shook her awake, but then our son woke up, and well, you can probably guess what happens next.
Once he quieted down, my wife began to quietly blow up at me, about how much of a d**k I was being. I told her that it wasn't fair for her to just sleep like that, and it made me feel like a driver.
She then said that she doesn't force me to stay awake or engage with her, but I told her that that's a cheap blow because we're not the same people, and I kept my mouth shut while she was driving because I know she doesn't like distractions even though it bothered me terribly, so the least she could do is to stop being selfish and help keep me sane.
Despite my perfectly logical answer, she apparently got emotional, and then started whisper screaming some s**t about how raising one toddler is hard enough, and that she didn't know there was another one in the car who needed his whims catered to at every moment, and at that point, since she got rude, I decided to disengage.
Now our whole trip is falling apart and she's making me out to be the bad guy.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Gladtobealive2020 writes:
YTA for several reasons: You said ' I was driving, my shift fell during the night, and so I was feeling really lonely and bored as I was driving. I'm not someone who can be left to his own thoughts very well, and I need people around me, I thrive on energy and excitement.'
'around 11:00 p.m., I was driving and my wife and our son were in the backseat. I was feeling isolated, so I shook her awake, but then our son woke up, and well, you can probably guess what happens next.
Once he quieted down,'
Hate to break this to you, but your wife isnt just an accessory to your life, she is a living breathing being with her own needs and wants. You talk alot about what you need, what about what your wife needs.
You basically are so self-centered that you want your wife to stay away while she drives and during your driving shift. And take care of the baby while you are driving. You also are so selfish and self-centered that you didnt care that waking up your wife would disturb and awaken your son. You prob were happy the baby woke up since it brought some 'excitement and energy' into the moment.
You said, 'Despite my perfectly logical answer, she apparently got emotional, and then started whisper screaming some s**t about how raising one toddler is hard enough, and that she didn't know there was another one in the car who needed his whims catered to at every moment, and at that point, since she got rude, I decided to disengage'
So then when she calls you out on your utter BS, then you pull the women are reacting 'emotionally' as opposed to your BS. Your wife is correct in her assessment of your ' toddlerhood'.
If you dont change and step down off your high horse and start treating your wife and child with respect, and not always putting yourself first, your next drive probably be to a divorce attorney.
Music_withRocks_In writes:
Ugh. Anyone who will describe himself as 'logical' and his wife as 'emotional' in the same sentence is automatically an a**hole. It's pretty logical that she would want to sleep after a full day of driving - it's pretty logical she wouldn't want you to wake up a screaming baby - and he was being very emotional in waking her up just so that she could make him feel less lonely and bored!
Generally dudes who go right to the logical/emotional defense think they are smarter than their wives and they are clearly always right because they are guided by clear masculine logic and their wives by hysterical feminine emotion. And they are always way more motivated by emotion, and usually selfishness that they just refuse to see.
dflower3 writes:
YTA. Play a podcast or music like everyone else and let your tired wife sleep!
LipstickRibsteak OP responded:
Those aren't enough, I tried that, but I just couldn't take the feeling of aloneness, I just need a human to talk to.
ADawg28 writes:
YTA. Why is your need more important than hers? It would be one thing if you needed help staying awake, but it seems you were just bored because you can’t entertain yourself (try an audiobook or podcast?), and that makes you the a**hole.
LipstickRibsteak OP responded:
An audiobook would put me to sleep faster than a melatonin tablet lol
Amazing_Emu54 writes:
Then you’re not listening to the right kind of audiobook or podcast. You need to find a compromise here and not act like your needs are the only ones that matter
LipstickRibsteak OP responded:
I suppose you're right, thank you for the advice, and I think I could have been more cognizant of her needs, I mean she was taking care of our kid the whole trip, so I should have let her rest