UPDATE: Not-to-be 'outshone' woman demands 'approval' of outfit to BF's party.
When a hot lady was asked to quite literally tone down her hotness by a close friend, she came to Reddit. And then Reddit came for her friend.
For those who need a refresher, here's the original article:
Not-to-be 'outshone' woman demands to 'approve' friend's outfit for BF's bday party.
After a unanimous ruling of NTA (not the A-hole) and an outpouring of support, OP has graciously updated us with some juicy gossip that gives Kate's seemingly bizarre behavior into greater context...
'UPDATE - My friend asked me to dress badly to her bf's party.'
u/Uninvited_1011 writes:
First of all, thank to everyone for the advice. Most responses were not what I was expecting and really gave me a lot to think about.
As surprised as I was that so many people said to tell Jamie, I did realise it was the right thing to do. So, I texted him and told him that Kate was insisting I dressed a certain way. Jamie called and explained.
A couple of months ago, Jamie and Kate were out with a few of his friends (these same friends that I mentioned in my comments are not fond of Kate), and everyone had had a lot to drink. They were talking about how they met their SOs, and the story of Jamie and Kate meeting came up.
Apparently during the telling of the story Kate asked Jamie why he had decided to hit on her rather than me, and one of his friends joked that it was because he knew he didn't have a shot with 'the hot one' - me. Kate asked if this was true, and Jamie having had WAY too much to drink, explained in a way that made it sound kind of true.
He said he did notice me that night and thought I was attractive, just seeing me. He said he would never have approached me because he knew he would never have a chance with someone like me, so in that way, his friend was right.
He said that speaking to Kate was the absolute best outcome because he loves her and plans on spending the rest of his life with her, but even knowing this, Kate has taken this extremely hard. And even though she says she is over it, he's noticed changes in her behaviour that seem to be related to that.
He also admitted that he'd been planning to propose to Kate at the party and that is why he'd wanted me to be there, but after hearing this on top of the way she has been handling the situation previously, he won't be doing that anymore.
After speaking to Jamie, I called Kate. She admitted that she had tied a lot of her self worth in the fact that she'd finally been picked over me and now it felt like that wasn't true. She apologised for trying to solve her insecurities through me, but also said she wasn't sure she would be able to have me in her life as much as I had been with the way she's been feeling.
As hurt as I was, I said I understood. She said she still wanted me to come to the party, since I'd helped organise it and she obviously dropped the absurd dress code, so I will be going to the party. I trust that Kate will communicate her boundaries to Jamie but I don't plan on inviting him to any more events for the foreseeable future.
I'm really sad that I've probably lost a longtime friend over the drunken awkwardness of other people, but I also get that Kate can't help how she feels, and frankly it's for the best not to be in a secret competition. So, yeah, I'm hurt, but I'm going to the party. Not a satisfying update, but an honest one.
Going through these comments has actually brought up a couple of memories that have, in hindsight, made me a bit uncomfortable, and I actually don’t think I will end up going to this party. As much as the mutual friends will have questions and I don’t know how much of the truth I will end up telling, I feel too weird right now to continue to be involved in this situation.
Here's what Reddit had to say about the update...
From activelurker777:
It's too bad that Jamie's friends are jerks, and Jamie needs to learn how to hold his liquor so he can control his mouth. Kate has hopefully learned the lesson that you shouldn't ask a question if you don't want to know the answer. I am sorry that your friendship has been damaged by this, and I know that it is hurtful to you. I hope that Kate is able to work on herself so that the two of you can eventually pick back up your friendship. Thank you for the update.
Kathrynlena agrees:
It’s utterly tragic that she “tied a lot of her self worth into finally being picked over [OP.]” I mean, she’s planning to marry Jamie! Does she really think he’s with her because he actually thinks she’s the most beautiful woman in the world? Does she live in fear he might meet a beautiful celebrity one day and just drop her like nothing?
Obviously attraction is important in a relationship, but there has to be SO MUCH more there for it to last. Basically no one ends up with the most physically attractive person they’ve ever seen in their lives, and that doesn’t mean they’re settling. It just means there’s more to beauty than looks.
honestly_oopsiedaisy feels for Kate on this one:
I'm admittedly a very insecure person and it would eat me alive if it was implied that my SO approached me instead of someone else because I was so much less beautiful. Even if I didn't ask. Because once that thought was put there it'd be there always, especially if the other person was someone part of my life I'd always felt less desired than.
And it strikes a chord with ResponsibleClub8957:
I’m fairly comfortable with myself, and very secure in my marriage, but it would still hurt me badly to learn that my husband initially wanted to talk to my hotter friend. I have many good qualities but I’ve always been plain compared to my friends. My husband is the first person to ever make me feel truly special, so it would be a huge blow.
Then estedavis points out:
Well apparently Jamie is no longer planning to propose because Kate is showing reasonable negative emotions about what happened, so it sounds like Jamie isn’t much of a catch anyway and she should absolutely NOT marry him.
So, is there still an A-hole here?
Some think Jamie, some think Kate, but we can all agree that is it not OP.