'AITA for refusing to babysit while my family goes on vacation?' UPDATED
"AITA for refusing to babysit while my family goes on vacation?"
My aunt is retiring. She's made plans to go to in a cruise, 3 day stay in Hawaii, and then back. All her adult children are going. They invited our side if the family, nobody told me. I'm not on Facebook, which is the only place they communicate. They have my number, no one asked me though.
My entire family made plans for weeks to go. They made accommodations and bought tickets; everything. No one mentioned it to me in all that time. Finally it's a week away and I bring up to my family at our parents house about how I hope she has fun and should I get her a gift etc and my sister says 'yeah grab her something we'll give it to her on the cruise'.
This is the first I'm hearing about them going. They said they assumed I was staying to watch the babies for them. My cousin's 3 year old, my sister's 2 year old, and twin infants.
I feel like they didn't tell me specifically so I'd be the only person not going and they could try to force all the kids on me. Well, I told them no thanks. I told them I still had time to make accommodations and come too and I would like to go. I honestly didn't want to go after feeling left out like that, but I figured maybe if it was really an accidental issue of being left out they wouldn't mind.
I took the time off and then my cousin, who was coordinating the entire thing, texted me saying she was so sorry but there's no space left she only secured enough for everyone that RSVP'd and the cruise is sold out but I'm welcome to fly out and hang with everyone in Hawaii if I can find my own accommodations.
But since everyone planned on me taking the kids I'd need to find childcare first. I told her nobody every called me to even discuss me taking the kids. She didn't reply. Nobody was!
So since I already had the time off, my bf and adult son and I decided to take our own vacation. We all packed up the day before my family left and took off for a week long vacation states away. I purposely didn't tell anybody.
I started getting calls the next morning as everyone was coming to my house expecting to drop off their kids. I didn't answer. I refused their calls and ignored their messages the whole trip. We had a fantastic time and made great memories.
When I got back my family was furious. They said multiple people had to drop out of the trip and couldn't get their money back because they couldn't find last minute childcare. I told them that's too bad that sucks so much, they should have arranged something before they left.
I reminded them, no one ever set anything up with me, and since I already had the time off I decided to enjoy that with my family. I'm sorry it didn't work out but I never offered to watch anyone's kids. You all assumed I would because you didn't invite me to keep me free to watch them. You didn't coordinate, I had other plans, that's how it works.
My cousin thinks I'm being a complete AH. That this isn't how family treats each other. It was an accident that no one told me but it's not her fault. She assumed I had been told and assumed I'd be ok with having the kids because I have before (with discussion and coordination that is!).
She thinks I was being really selfish and childish and purposely going out of my way to an AH. She's even saying I'm lucky they didn't call the police on me for child abandonment because they expected me to be home and able to care for them all. I told her that's ridiculous.
You can't just assume and expect things without my permission and input and you can't report me to the police for not wanting to care for your babies. Was I being an AH for all this? Should I have just kept things peaceful and spent time with the kids since I got the time off anyway I could have done some fun things with them, but I really didn't want to.
My house is NOT kid proof and I honestly don't really enjoy spending time with kids (yes I had my own, but I'm not really a kid person and he's an adult now those days are behind me, I'm not very interested in reliving them with other people's kids).
Here are the top rated comments from readers:
NTA 100% the gall to not even invite you then just assume you’d be taking the kids? I’m assuming they didn’t even bother offering you hefty compensation for it. If anything, you would have been in the right if you stayed home and they dropped off their kids and you called the police for abandonment.
OP is a hero!!! Brilliant move to leave for vacation the day before they did. I also love that several people had to drop out of the trip. Serves them right! They are all selfish, entitled, and hurtful. OP is a genius, nta.
NTA. They 100% planned this. They purposely excluded you, I’m happy you didn’t let them push you around. Plus, what about monetary accommodations? Did they expect you to pay for these kids the time that they are gone? And I would DARE her to call the police on you. There’s absolutely no proof that you agreed to babysit the kids.
Hell No !!! Where was 'Family ' being considered when they deliberately left you out of planning. Where was Family when you said you were going and the they said there was no more places on the cruise. They owe you a huge apology. They assumed that you would just be OK with their plan. I would send them a message:
2 months later OP responded in the comments to this question:
Any updates?
FarPride841 OP responded:
Not too much really. I cut off my cousins and aunts side of the family. They're absolutely not worth even trying to work on things with.
Through other unrelated events my sister has lost all custody to her kids. She has one hour of supervised visitation every week with the oldest. Not the twins though. We haven't seen her at all until just this Thanksgiving and she didn't realize at all that we haven't seen each other or spoken since this incident.
It didn't get brought up at all either. She actually didn't even recognize my bf even tho we've been together for years and it's not like he's changed his appearance. She introduced herself as though it was the first time they've met. And then loudly asked my other aunt (step dad's side of the family) if he's my side piece. She's more difficult to avoid because she bounces around living between family at this time.
That’s crazy! Does or could your sister be suffering from sort of mental issue? That’s what it sounds like anyhow especially losing custody of her children. I would have cut off the extended family in this situation too. Their narrative on this whole thing is ridiculously entitled! Good for you!
FarPride841 OP responded:
My sister has a lot of problems. It's so much it's hard to even get into. She's had so much help for it but until she's actually ready to make that choice to get clean and do better, nothing helps.
This was a wild ride I stumbled on!
Later OP came back with this update:
Since I've had so many people asking. I'm NC with my extended fam. My parents are politely gently NC they're not reaching out and distancing but lightly replying to stuff to keep peaceful.
My sister lost custody due to neglect (unrelated to my post) she's been in and out of jail and re^%b and attempted to steal my son's identity and my parents identity to buy new vehicles because she's wrecked about 5 since this post was made.
My parents are leaving the state to get away from her and the rest of the family. I moved and changed my contact info and I'm helping my parents move. My cousin's have been on and out of jail, that's about all the update I can give because I'm NC and that goes both ways I don't wanna know anything about them.
I wish I had a better update, like we all worked it out and we're a happy family. But I come from a family full of a&^%oles who make horrible choices and I'm trying my best to remove myself and my loved ones from that.