Man cancels vacation because wife spent her portion on ex-husband and son. Fight ensues.

Money is the second leading cause of divorce, rivaled only by infidelity.

This confirms something many coupled people know: figuring out finances is one of the hardest and most important parts of a relationship.

Finding the balance between what's fair to both partners while honoring differences in income, spending habits, and financial priorities can be very tricky. And sometimes, the only way to truly problem solve is to straight up air grievances and talk through a fight.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for canceling a vacation because his wife can't pay her share.

He wrote:

AITA for cancelling a vacation because my wife can't pay her share after helping her adult son and ex-husband?

My wife(44F) makes quite a bit less than me(45M) so our joint expenses are split 70/30. For the most part things like vacations and where we bought a house are decided based on what she can afford, but there have been several times I've paid in full for vacations to places I really enjoy and wanted to share the experience with her. She has a 23y/o son from her previous marriage.

When she and I got together I told her I wouldn't mind paying extra for things here and there until her son was 18 and working or in school so she could take care of him. For the majority of our relationship, he has lived with his father. He decided against college or trade school and hasn't expressed any interest in starting to figure out a plan for the immediate future let alone his life.

He floats from job to job, and his father is pretty much the same since the kid graduated. Therein lies the problem: every few months they'll call her for a few hundred dollars here, a few hundred there, 20 bucks this week, 80 the next. Sometimes it's her son calling for help, sometimes it's her ex-husband.

This has caused her to be short on funds for our plans, or things she volunteered to cover on more than one occasion. Her reasoning when it's her ex asking is that since their son still lives with him, she has to help him. I get that to a point. We were supposed to go on a vacation later this month. Nothing major or fancy but just time away.

We had agreed to split the cost and all that was left to pay for were the hotels, rental car, and some reservations. Her ex-husband called needing help getting his car out of impound and getting caught up on rent. Their son hasn't been able to get to work without the car because he doesn't want to ride a bike or take a bus.

Almost 5 grand later they're set up but my wife told me she can't pay for her portion of our vacation, so I told her I was canceling it. She called me a heartless a*s, that she's just taking care of her son and we've been arguing over it but my stance is this: they're both able-bodied adults that keep making a series of life decisions that keep them at a stand still (like quitting jobs over little things, smoking, going out).

Her always digging them out of their hole is starting to impact our lives more and more, and I didn't sign up for that. AITA for canceling our vacation instead of just footing the entire cost myself?

***To clarify: She contributes 30% of her pay to our joint expenses: bills/utilities, emergency fund, retirement. 70% of her pay she keeps for her personal expenses and to spend or save how she wishes. Dates, vacations, and fun things we choose to do together are budgeted and planned based on what we can afford from our personal funds. Pool that money together then pay together.

The internet did their due diligence and shared all of the opinions.

ed_lv wrote:

NTA. Why are you married to her though, since she clearly puts her ex and grown son before you and your marriage? She's enabling their financial irresponsibility, and that will never change.

TophEsauruS wrote:

NTA. All of these comments talking about a house fund like that solves the problem. She has already established she can't budget HER money let alone something you contribute to as well. What are you supposed to do when she takes from the house fund for her ex and son.... People are delusional.

ProfPlumDidIt wrote:

NTA. She has crossed the line from 'helping her son' and is well into 'enabling her son AND her ex.' You're right that they're both able-bodied adults and they're both CHOOSING to be lazy because they know your ex will give them whatever they ask for; son could have continued working but didn't because he didn't want to ride a bus - that is a choice, not a need.

Honestly you should spend the time you would have been on vacation talking with your wife about learning the difference between helping and enabling; if she wants her son to live a full adult life, she has to accept that continuing to bail him out of unpleasant situations will hold him back.

Iataaddicted25 wrote:

NTA. It would be different if your wife spent the money on her minor son (her son is a 23 y.o. adult) or a medical emergency, or any kind of emergency for her, you or her son. But it wasn't. If you keep footing the bill you are subsiding her 23 y.o. son and ex-husband. I wouldn't be happy either. Plus, it's a vacation, not an essential expense.

The internet definitely agrees that OP should stick to his guns, otherwise, this will only get worse.