Maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship takes active intention and work, especially when you're busy people with full schedules. If you don't tend to a relationship and make sure it's getting the fuel it needs, then distance and conflict can easily arise.
Unfortunately, defining quality time isn't as simple as it sounds. One person in a couple might prefer romantic dates, while the other might think group hangs still fall under the umbrella of bonding couple time. Being clear with each other is the only way to forgo fights and frustration. But sometimes, even clearness isn't enough.
AITA for ignoring my bf after our vacation because he brought his brother along?
I (M23) am a pharmacy student. My bf of four years (M32) is a lawyer. Between stress at school and the stress of his job, we barely saw each other let alone had any intimate time. We decided to take a vacation where it would be about us and regaining that lost intimacy.
So day 2 of 5 of our vacation in Turks and Caicos someone is knocking at our door, I think it’s cleaning so I open it. To my surprise and complete confusion, it’s my boyfriend’s brother (M29). I ask what he was doing here thinking maybe this was a fantastical coincidence , he says that my bf invited him.
My bf looks a bit sheepish but says that he thought it would be a nice bonding time for him and his brother if he tagged along. Even though I was furious I decided that I could make it work we had a lot of things pre-planned/prepaid so I figured his brother couldn’t come with us to those activities.
Well, he didn’t tag along because my bf decided to go with his brother. Horseback riding was traded for wakeboarding, couples massages were traded in for snorkeling and riding ATVs, getting a nice quiet table in the back of the restaurant for two turned into a nice quiet spot in the back for three.
Intimate time in bed turned to a quickie in the shower so he could leave for golf. At that point, I had enough. I pretty much spent the trip alone. As soon as the morning came to leave for home I didn’t utter a word to my bf. “Do you have the hotel keycard?” Silence. “Want me to carry to bags?” Silence.
I didn’t say anything to him until he broke down a few hours after we got to our apartment. He’s been really pissed that I’m ignoring him but I can’t help but be so angry that I continue to do it. AITA?
Edit: For those asking we met at a trivia night. Also yes it’s his real brother.
Edit 2: Maybe this might change some of your thoughts on this matter but he paid for the trip. He financially supports me and my schooling is paid for by my parents.
NTA. You misspelled ex-boyfriend.
NTA. You planned a trip so you two could reconnect, and he understood that that was the purpose for this trip. To me, it sounds like he has no interest in that, and brought his brother as a buffer. You deserve better. I can usually excuse age differences, but you two are at very different stages in your life.
You still have your schooling to complete and I assume work in medicine for a few years. If you have children, by the time your student loans are paid off and you have the resources to care for a child, he will be in his 40s. He blatantly disrespected you. Find someone who appreciates you.
NTA. Your boyfriend is as selfish as f**k. People who love you don't do this sort of s**t. After the brother arrived I would have told your brother to decide between the two of you and from what you say of this guy I guess I would have been heading home immediately. Didn't your boyfriend ever have any other time to bond with his brother? I'd be rethinking this relationship if I were you.
NTA but I wouldn’t ignore him: tell him how angry and disappointed you are. Do you want to stay with him?
NTA. He's really immature for someone his age who has an actual career. Clearly he has zero respect for you and your needs/wants. I'd leave this jerk in the rear-view mirror and get someone who respects me. Before you do anything else though, sit down with him and clear the air over this issue. Try to remain calm during the discussion, but be honest and listen to his side.
Not only is OP NTA, but it looks the internet agrees he should dump his boyfriend.