No one likes to be excluded. And if you're an empathetic person, it's likely you don't want to make people feel excluded either.
However, it's impossible to move through life without occasionally excluding someone. You simply can't invite everyone to everything, and even if you could - some people are meant to be seen in small doses.
One of the most awkward aspects of planning a social function is navigating someone who wasn't invited and can't take the hint. While most people shy away from asking about things they're not invited to, others will push you into a corner until you awkwardly reveal why they're not on the guest list.
AITA for not inviting my sister's family to my lake house for Memorial Day?
My wife and I bought a lake house this past winter and the house and our new boat are finally ready for summer. For those not from the US, this upcoming Memorial Day weekend is kind of our unofficial beginning of summer. We're excited to spend the weekend there and also invited 2 of our best friends (married couple) and their 5-year-old daughter.
We also have a 5-year-old daughter who is good friends with their daughter. My sister has been asking since we got the place when she'd get to see it and we told her at some point this summer we'll have them over, and that truly is the plan. We didn't invite them for this weekend because we really wanted it to be a nice relaxing weekend and my sister's stepdaughter is just a lot sometimes.
She means well but she has bad ADHD and can be very very loud and shrieky. When we had a birthday party for our daughter 6 months ago, she was all over the place, our daughter and our friend's daughter both said she was trying to be bossy and take control of everything while they were just trying to play their own games. My friends are too nice to say anything but we could tell they were annoyed too.
Given that my wife and I aren't really fans of her and the kids aren't either, we just wanted this weekend to be peaceful and figured we'd invite them another time. Well, now my sister found out that we are going there this weekend and got really mad I didn't invite her. When she asked why we told her we just want it to be a quiet low key affair.
She kept pressing and said we were excluding her and her family and keeping her stepdaughter from seeing her 'friends.' That's when I finally told her what my daughter and friend's daughter said the last time they hung out with her and that did not go well either. She texted me again this morning trying to get us to change our mind as we're heading out there after work today.
AITA if I stick to my guns and don't have them over? It's not a space thing, there are an extra two bedrooms, we just really want to have a relaxing weekend and that will be harder with them there.
NTA. You didn't invite her, she doesn't get to invite herself. Why is she entitled to your house?
NTA. You have to establish the boundary. I'd flat tell her this- if you think that weaponizing my own lake house against me is going to secure invitations...you should massively reconsider.
If you let this go now this can be the end of it and you can be assured that your summer invitations are forthcoming. If I have to hear another word about it...you can be assured that they are not. This is a place of peace and joy only.
NTA and your sister pressing the issue means it was totally appropriate to tell her why. If you had said no, and she respected that, then sure don’t bother mentioning the kid issue. But when she’s haranguing you and torturing you over this, it’s very reasonable to tell her the clear reason you have. In an ideal world, she would take that feedback into account, but here in the real world, she probably won’t.
NTA. This is your place and you have the right to pick who you want there. It’s not like you have said you are never going to invite SIL. To be honest, she sounds very entitled, demanding other people’s resources for her benefit. I do wonder if she’s going to turn up anyway.
OP is completely within his rights, and should hold firm against his sister's pressure.