'My cousin wanted to elope the day of my wedding and share the reception with me.' UPDATED

"My cousin wanted to elope the morning of my wedding and share the reception with me."

I (28F) have never been that close with my dad’s side of the family. They’ve always been extremely messy and liked to cause drama. My dad also made an effort to keep them out of our day to day lives because he felt that they just wanted handouts.

But for the most part, I’ve avoided this part of my family, but to be respectful of my dad, they’ve always been invited to any milestone of mine. Graduations, major birthdays, etc. but they rarely show. The last time they all attended anything of mine was my high school graduation.

After my parents got divorced (sometime when I was early into college), my dad got closer to his family and rumors about me began to spread like wildfire. I can’t tell you how many times they’ve accused me of being pregnant throughout the years. I’d only find out because my dad would call and say “aunt X sent me a photo of you from Instagram. Are you pregnant?”

Mind you, in high school I was a size 00. This is the last time they’ve seen me in person. I’ve matured over the years (and battled with a tumor that messes with my hormones) and I’m a size 4 now. No big deal, I’m very happy with myself. It’s natural. The fact my dad isn’t shooting these rumors down immediately is insane to me too, because sees me often, but I digress.

Fast forward, I am now planning my wedding. We decided to do a destination wedding because we were planning on eloping anyways, but this was a way to bring our families together still if anyone wanted to attend. Also, we knew a destination would naturally cut our guest list.

Placing a barrier of a flight was ideal, and my dad was supportive of the idea because he wanted a vacation. Again, out of respect, we invited my dad’s immediate family under the assumption they’d say no, but we also knew my dad’s family would decide this is the opportunity to actually show up to a major event in my life to judge and chastise me.

Sometime after invites went out, I get a text from my cousin(39F) on my dad’s side asking me about my wedding day timeline. I share, and she responds back that she’s planning to elope the morning of my wedding at the resort and then “the reception you already paid for could be for the both of us” while proceeding to ask if her friends could book in my room block.

Now. This wasn’t a legitimate threat to me. This cousin to my knowledge has struggled maintaining relationships longer than 3 months at time, so I simply replied “that’s not going to happen, and our room block is allocated to our guests and our travel agent will deny anyone we don’t approve, but here is the resort’s website.

Maybe they have openings before or after my date so you can do it while you’re there.” No response. That side began to RSVP yes to my wedding, while posting about celebrating F39 in Mexico this summer. That same cousin keeps texting me about my hair and makeup artist etc. so she can use the same vendors to “save money.”

Again, still not feeling a threat here, but at this point I’m curious as to what they’re planning. While they are RSVPing, nobody has paid a room deposit and we were nearing our room block closing. So I asked if she managed to find a time during the week for her celebration, and she said “still working on it, but that’s what eloping is! Surprises.”

I reiterated I would not be sharing my reception, and she proceeded to change the topic and ask me if we bought flights yet. I said yes, and she said “that’s on my list too!” Lo and behold, she breaks up with her boyfriend and all my dads side of the family changes their RSVP to not attending.

They all showed up to my bridal shower, smiling in my face and calling me beautiful, and not even a full day later I have another text from my dad who has been sent photos from my aunts asking if I was pregnant because “I’ve put on significant weight and she’s not a stick like she was in high school, so that’s unnatural and she must be pregnant and this has to be a shotgun wedding.

Congratulations on being a grandpa soon!” At this point I’m livid with my dad for not shutting down this nonsense. I am thankful none of them will be at my wedding and I am so glad I followed my gut to do a destination wedding.

Commenters weighed in:

Straysmom said:

Your dad's side of the family sound like total trolls. In what world is size 4 so fat that you just have to be pregnant. My body changed a lot after I graduated HS. I had baby fat in my face up to 20 or so. Your body really does keep changing.

I'm glad that your cousin's plans fell through :) Otherwise you'd probably have had a fight at the door. It sounds like you need to just cut those losers out of your life. And tell your dad that you don't want to hear anything that they have to say.

OP responded:

Thank you! My friends were talking about how it’s almost as if women hit a second puberty in their mid-to-late 20s because the body just keeps developing. All nonsense on their end. And yes- if she would’ve even tried to do this, I was fully prepared to get my wedding coordinator involved as well as the resort because absolutely not. You cannot have a free reception on my dime lol.

Apprehensive-Two3474 said:

I didn't understand entertaining this nonsense. Like, I'd write Dad off at this point. His family is gonna cause drama either way so why even bother inviting him. Serious, why put up with it? Why let any future kids put up with comments from this insecure family that he is a part of? I slightly understand the 'he's my dad' but he didn't really seem to be taking the role seriously.

OP responded:

My dad very much laughs off anything anyone does on his family and doesn’t take offense by it. He also doesn’t have much of a filter when sharing information with me because he thinks everyone should “take the high road” and not get offended. He doesn’t shut down any rumor because “he doesn’t want to get into nonsense.”

He didn’t even know his niece was planning this elopement until after they all declined because I didn’t tell him as I didn’t think it was happening. His response was just “oh wow that’s crazy.” Nothing more.

That’s basically how he’s been all my life, but my dad still shows up for me. I barely have a relationship with his family because he kept them away from my brother and I growing up. Truly inviting his family was just a courtesy. They aren’t going to know any future children I might have. They don’t even know where I live right now.

And [deleted] said:

Uhm, I think it’s time to have a sit down chat with your Dad, or cut him out of your life. One or the other.

She later shared this update:

Whoah, didn’t realize this post was going to pop off like it did! Thank you all for your support, and for laughing along with how silly my cousin trying to take over my reception is.

I have spoken with my dad about the situation, which to highlight a comment I replied to yesterday, he’s a passive parent and lacks self-awareness. I am low contact with him as it stands, but for different reasons. He just took the ground of “I figured you knew you aren’t pregnant so I was just telling you what they’re saying because I thought it was funny but I see why that’s irritating.”

He agreed to keep any negative comments from his siblings to himself from here on out. Like I said- he shows up to major events, but he isn’t the world’s greatest dad and I know this. I’ve dealt with and I’ve lived with that for 28 years. I’m not cutting him off as some of you suggest. Life isn’t black and white, but I do have boundaries in play with my relationship with him.

To the people saying I’m bringing this upon myself and if I don’t make a change it’ll keep happening-I’ll reiterate that I do not see this family often. There’s not much contact that I have with them. Prior to my bridal shower, I haven’t seen them in 10 years (my high school graduation).

I do not make contact with them. My parents invited them to previous things when I was a minor, but I added them to the wedding guest list for my dad. They were invited so my dad would have some additional family to hang out with at the wedding, but ultimately I knew they weren’t going to attend. Hell, he knew they weren’t going to attend either.

They’re making pregnancy assumptions based on photos I’ve posted online- to which they are now unfriended and blocked. But, I can’t say that I’ve “asked for this” to happen lol. Anyways, thank y’all for reading my story! Weddings bring out the craziness, am I right?

Yes, OP, you're right!