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'My sister says I can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend of 5 years.' UPDATED 2X

'My sister says I can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend of 5 years.' UPDATED 2X

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This is a long one. It has multiple updates and some very unexpected turns. But we promise, it is the 'Game of Thrones' of wedding articles. Grab some popcorn and enjoy.

"My sister(F31) says I(F25) can't be in her wedding if I bring my boyfriend(M26) of 5 years."

I met my boyfriend in college 7 years ago, and we started dating 5 years ago. He is super close and loving with my family. He was there at my nieces' births, baptisms, Christmas, vacations, etc.

We are extremely committed to each other for the long run, but don't want to get married until we are financially stable and both our careers are where we want them to be.

My sister has been with her fiance for 2 years and engaged for 6 months. My sister is the type of girl who has dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl. It didn't matter who proposed she just wanted to be married.

I have never cared if i got married or not, as long as I have a good career and a happy relationship i'm fine. In the beginning of her relationship she tricked me into going on a double date with her fiancé and his brother. She had said it was dinner with her and a friend, and it was most definitely not.

The brother kept making passes at me the whole time and I told him I had a boyfriend and the whole situation made me uncomfortable.

At their engagement party my boyfriend noticed that the brother wouldn't stop staring at me and we tried our best to avoid him. Every time I have seen this guy he has been weird towards me.

My sister wanted me, my twin (fraternal), and 2 brothers in her wedding. The wedding is supposed to be next month in the beginning of May. My sister just told me that I'm going to be walking down the aisle with her fiancé's brother.

I told her that he makes me uncomfortable and I thought I would be walking with my own brother. Apparently this is something her fiancé is insisting and she wants to make him 'happy'.

Seems like a pretty weird thing to insist, and I know its some scheme between the two brothers. My other siblings also thought it was weird and voiced their objections to our sister.

She got upset and said this is her wedding and she'll do what she wants. I told my boyfriend this and he was upset for me. He's confident enough in himself that he knows this guy would never be competition, but he knows how uncomfortable I am with this situation.

The other day we had family dinner at my mom's house. I took this as an opportunity to bring up the aisle situation with my mother around. My sister got extremely upset and started crying saying I was trying to ruin her marriage.

I was so confused, as was everyone else, and tried to explain that he makes me and my boyfriend extremely uncomfortable. She then said that I can't bring my boyfriend to her wedding anymore and if I do then I'm no longer a bridesmaid. She gave no reason as to why I can't bring him and my siblings were just as upset considering they like my boyfriend a lot better than my sister's fiancé.

I thought I would give her a few days to calm down and re-think but she has not changed her mind. My 19 year old brother's girlfriend is still invited to the wedding. My boyfriend is an incredible guy and has been nothing but kind and generous to my sister.

His feelings are hurt but he still wants me to go to the wedding. I think my sister is being an unreasonable ahole and I will be pretty pissed off at the wedding if my LIFE partner is not there with me.

Being her bridesmaid is something I can live without, so should I bring my boyfriend or go without him? Or should I demand that my boyfriend be allowed to come to her wedding and that she's being super unfair? I love my sister but I don't understand why she's forcing some silly request by her creepy brother in law. I don't know what to do and my family is no help either.

Here were the top comments after the initial post:

Zurieus

She’s upset because it seems like she basically offered you up to BIL’s creepy brother on a platter with the delusional idea of “oh won’t it be cute if you and my sister hooked up at my wedding” despite you already having your boyfriend, and you’re ruining her “vision” and being a bridezilla about it.

Call her bluff and accept stepping down from being in the martial party regardless, but reiterate sternly that you are in no way shape or form playing along with their stupid matchmaking idea and they need to stop. You’re her sister, not some breeding mare to be promised at her or BIL’s whim, their behavior is disgusting.

omg_pwnies

'OK, I guess you're down a bridesmaid then. I'm not walking with your fiance's brother, and I'm not going to your wedding without my BF. Good luck, hope your day is great!'

EggplantOriginal6314

Go with your boyfriend. Do not be a bridesmaid. Your sister has lost her mind. Bridezilla.

Actual_Moment_6511

Don’t be a bridesmaid or don’t go at all. Your sister is essentially offering you to a man, who doesn’t understand the word NO, to ‘make her fiancé happy’ Do you know how dangerous that is. Something can definitely go wrong when everyone is drunk and distracted.

How do you know if your safe around the brother. This feels like a dangerous situation that your sister is putting you in. Especially if you boyfriend isn’t there to support you. Your family may have protested but that’s not enough. Your on your own here. Protect yourself OP.

Ok-Macaron-6211

Go to the wedding with your boyfriend as guest's. Have all your family on standby to keep creepy brother away from you. Personally I would ensure I didn't even to the bathroom alone, I would have my brothers girlfriend and my mother with me, just incase creepy man is waiting until you walk around from your boyfriend.

The OP returned 5 days later with an update:

Most of the comments said I shouldn't go to the wedding at all, but she is my sister and I don't want to miss her wedding. I went to my parent's house with my brothers and told them about everything the BIL has done that makes me super uncomfortable and how my sister is disrespecting my relationship.

My dad was pretty pissed off about the date stunt that she pulled and is on my side. My mom, however, says that I need to try and resolve this with her because if I am not part of the wedding party 'people will talk'.

I honestly couldn't give a sh*t about what extended family has to say. My mom called a family meeting and told my sister and my twin to come to the house. My dad asked her why I was no longer walking with my brother, to which she responded saying that its what her fiancé wants and she just wants to make him happy.

I pressed the issue asking why is this such a big deal for me to walk with him and that he's super weird and I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to assault me. That really pissed her off.

She starting crying and yelling saying a bunch of bs how this is all she's ever wanted and we're trying to ruin her special day, blah blah blah. I was tired of the arguing and just straight up said I'll go to the wedding as a guest then I'm leaving before the reception.

My twin and younger brother took my side and said they don't want to be in the wedding party if i'm not. This made my sister lose her f*cking mind. She was screaming now, calling me a bunch of names that I can't say on this sub; a b***h, c***t, w**re; and also calling my boyfriend names.

I decided to leave and let my parents calm her down, but before I could walk out she ran at me and yanked my hair(still screaming). She wouldn't let go, so I yanked hers too and she let go. She has extensions and apparently i f*cked them up, and ripped some hair out.

She tried to grab me again, so I punched her in the face. I didn't mean to hit her it was just my instant reaction to someone coming at me. So now she has a black eye, a cut on her cheek, and missing some hair.

She's absolutely livid because her bachelorette party is next week. My mom is mad at me, my dad is not. My sister is now saying that she's going to 'press charges' against me. Can she actually do that or is she just trying to scare me? She's also pissed off because my other siblings won't be in the wedding.

She told my mom if I apologize to her and agree to be in the wedding she'll let me walk with my brother. I feel like that is bs and she will still make me walk with the BIL last minute. At this point I feel like it's not worth the trouble and I just don't want to go at all.

My mom and dad want me to do what she asked because they're paying for the wedding and want all their kids there. My twin and younger brother said they'll do whatever I want to do, but I don't think I should be the reason they don't go.

My boyfriend feels like he started all this drama when none of it is his fault. My sister believes I ruined her wedding (she ruined it herself) and I don't know what to do. So options are go to the wedding as a guest, be in the wedding, or not go at all.

My parents will be upset if I don't go, and I really don't want any more tension, but she disrespected me and my relationship. As soon as this wedding is over I am going to limit my contact with her for a while.

Here were the top comments from readers after this latest update:

maria_puente87

I wouldn't go. And since she attacked you first, can't you claim self defense? And what kind of toxic sister is she??? She's utter human garbage to put you in such a position. Don't go to the wedding. She should have to suffer the consequences of her actions.

AffectionateBite3827

I cannot believe anyone who witnessed this assault thinks you should go to this wedding. She yanked your hair? And wouldn’t let go? She needs to get help. I’m completely serious. I’m so sorry your sister has put you in this position and is behaving like this.

DYITB

It’s weird that your sister is getting married when she’s just a toddler. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and I don’t understand her obsession with her future BIL. All she has to do was let that go, and everything would have been fine.

Just under a month later, the OP returned with her final update:

The first part of this is written before the wedding and the second part will be after the wedding. First off I want to say I didn’t know this post had blown up like it did until a few days ago.

When I first posted it it only had about 30 comments and now Ive seen thousands and received lots of messages. I’ve also received some messages and read some comments about how I’m not responding to people or answering questions.

I don’t think I am required to answer anyone. I’ve heard tons of crazy theories and lots of people saying they hope my sister attacks me again or I should get her arrested or scream rape at her wedding. While these are all interesting this is unfortunately my real life and not a movie. I will try and clear up any questions in this post.

Some people asked if race is an issue and it’s not. My family is French and Puerto Rican. My boyfriend is Italian and my sisters fiancé is just white idk what his ethnicity is.

There was also some confusion about my siblings. I am one of 5 kids. My twin is a girl, I guess that got misunderstood when I said 2 girls 2 guys I meant that besides my sister getting married there was 4 of us walking down the aisle.

I kept saying twin instead of sister so she wouldn’t get confused with the one getting married. My sister is second oldest. Also don’t think money is an issue either. My family’s not rich just middle class.

The reason her wedding is getting paid for and not mine is because she didn’t go to college and I did. They paid for majority of my tuition, and I don’t want a big fancy wedding either. Some people also asked why they don’t revoke their money from her for this behavior but the wedding has already been paid for for a while so there’s no getting their money back.

My sister did have a black eye still at her bachelorette party and changed the venue to a darker place and she wore lots of makeup. My twin, brothers, and me &bf went to the club that night instead and had a fabulous time and got trashed. I heard from her friend that she was telling everyone she got hit with a car door and not my fist.

My sister has always been a bit unhinged. When she was in high school her and my twin used to fight all the time. Every breakup my sister has ever had she has broke down and shut down completely and felt her life is over.

I’ve seen this since she was 12. I used to get in lots of arguments with my parents over them excusing her behavior which ultimately made me decide to go to college across the country. During college I rarely talked to her.

When I came back home she had matured and our relationship has been good for a while. She still occasionally has huge meltdowns over small things like this wedding.

I sent my future BIL a text asking why him and his brother are so obsessed with me to which he didn’t respond to. Me and my dad went down to his place and he said my sister was the one who kept telling him that I was interested and would leave my boyfriend.

So I don’t even know which one of them came up with this plan. My dad got mad and told him to leave me and my boyfriend the fuck alone.

So I have told my sister to go to therapy for years and she’s refused. I tried to have my mom see if she can get her to go to family therapy with me and she also refused but said she would talk with me and my mom.

When her and her fiancé first started dating she brought him to a work New years party and he brought his brother and I also attended. This was her first boyfriend that had shown any interest in getting married one day. I guess the brother had said he found me very attractive and my sister instantly jumped the gun on that.

She told him that I was not in a serious relationship(I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years) and he had a strong chance with me and he’s “just my type” (wrong). So he’s been under the impression that my boyfriend is just a place holder which is extremely not the case. He’s just as delusional as my sister.

This made no sense to me why she did this because my twin is single. We are fraternal so we don’t look the same and we’re different heights with very different personalities but she’s still a very pretty girl, and SINGLE. My sister has expressed some jealousy of my relationship over the years so that could be a factor in her trying to break us up.

She’s always made comments about how she’ll never have what I have with my boyfriend. About a month ago (right before her ultimatum) she found out she’s pregnant (I didn’t know) she thinks if she doesn’t make this brother thing happen then her fiancé will leave her and being a single mom is more frightening for her than her family hating her.

It’s still early enough that she does have other options but she’s committed to this for some reason. This was an intense conversation and also talked about other things so this was all I could get out of her before my patience ran out.

I did kinda snap on her and said some things along the lines of “sorry you’re so pathetic that you date any guy who looks at you and you still can’t find a good relationship and I can...you will be divorced before labor…” Yes it was a little mean but I was very heated in the moment and wanted to say something worse.

My boyfriend is very adamant about us going to the wedding despite all the bullshit my sister is putting him through. My boyfriend doesn’t have close relationships with his siblings and has always loved being a part of this family.

He wants me to maintain a relationship with mine so I don’t regret it later. He’s still hurt tho that my sister has been going through these great lengths to get him out of the picture. I’ve tried to reassure him the best I can that everyone still loves him and I always will. We’re going for the ceremony as guests and then leaving as soon as they say I do.

My two brothers and twin sister are walking together as a trio. We took wedding pictures together at a park so our parents could have something of all of us (and we looked good).

They haven’t decided yet if they’re staying for the whole wedding but they’re gonna feel it out. My older brother is staying the whole time so he can watch the brother and “have some words with him”.

A lot of people said to have my boyfriend propose at her wedding but I don’t care enough to deliberately try and ruin her wedding. That will not make the situation better in the slightest and I honestly don’t ever want a public proposal and I think that’s super tacky.

Me and my boyfriend have just been enjoying us and not worrying about any of this bs. I’m not worried about my sister attacking me again and if she does I can easily kick her a**. She can’t fight for shit which is why I don’t know why she f*cked around in the first place.

Also some people said isn’t it incest if sisters date brothers but it is not at all, and I have cousins who are married to sisters. Not excusing the behavior just saying that’s not incest at all.

After the wedding:

So, the wedding. I showed up in my bridesmaid dress because I wasn’t gonna go and buy another one and it’s a very nice dress. Me and my boyfriend tried to go in as late as we could to limit the amount of family asking me why I’m not in the wedding.

A few aunts and uncles asked and I just said my sister lost her mind and to ask her. I tried to stay with some cousins who I told what happened and know how my sister is an occasional nut. The ones who knew that my boyfriends invite was revoked were pissed considering some of their plus ones were just dates.

We sat in the front row where my sister, her husband, and the brother could see me with my very serious, handsome, amazing, loving boyfriend. He held my hand the whole time and made sure I was ok.

This wedding just confirmed me not wanting a big wedding. We can have a party at most. It was only once that the brother was staring at me and I quickly shut that down by kissing my boyfriend. As soon as they all walked back down the aisle I said my goodbyes to the people that deserved it and we left.

We went to a bar and danced and had a good time. I’m glad I went to the wedding so I can say I told you so when this marriage ends in 6 months. I’m glad that delusional sob saw me kissing the man I love because that will never be him.

My twin had quite a few drinks at the wedding and was being very mouthy with my sister. I didn’t ask her to say something but she would’ve done that with or without booze. My younger brother told almost every family member that my sister went apes@*t on me and that’s why I wasn’t at the reception.

My older brother did talk to the BIL but idk what he said. I didn’t ask many other questions and this is just what they told me. I feel really bad for my sister honestly. She baby trapped herself with a subpar bottom feeder.

That man has zero qualities that would make me jump through all these hoops. He has the personality of an adidas sandal. I wish my sister had more self respect and raised her standards.

I don’t know much about their relationship and if he’s abusive. I would like to think that she at least has that much respect for herself to not put up with that. Maybe they’re in love, maybe he’s using her. Who knows.

This marriage may not last but she’s now attached to him for at least the next 18 years. While I sort of get her reasoning for not wanting to be a single mom, my brother is a single dad and doing just fine.

I don’t plan on talking to her for quite a while. I don’t know how things turned out for them for not getting me with the brother. After prying they still wouldn’t give me clear answers so I don’t know how serious the husband actually is about his loser brother getting laid. Those brothers were either neglected or breast fed till they were teens.

I was already going on vacation this summer with my boyfriend but I might extend it now who knows may even get married in France for shits and giggles. Anyway thanks for all the support sorry that this ending wasn’t as dramatic as you all wanted it to be.

I’m not expecting an apology I honestly don’t care anymore and just want to move on with my life and be happy and not deal with anymore psycho behavior. I’m just glad that I haven’t received any messages from BIL or my mom and that I have a great man. If there’s any questions I missed feel free to let me know. A lot of your comments made me and my bf laugh.

Here were the final comments from readers who stayed for this juicy saga:

ToriaLyons

I feel utterly exhausted after reading all that.

snowdude11

'Im pregnant so i have to destroy your long-term relationship so my fiance doesnt leave me.' WTF kind of crazy, delusional logic is that? The sister is certified insane.

CultureInner3316

Yeah, I'm thinking it was jealousy plan and simple. She's 31 and been with a lot of losers and her sister trips and falls into a great relationship at 20? Gotta break that up! I feel sorry for the future kid though.

Tom1252

I remember reading this initially, but that update kinda changed my opinion somewhat. This really sounds like a family that thrives on petty drama. Like, little sis, it goes without saying, is completely unhinged.

But OP sits in the front row, kisses her boyfriend to make a point, twin gets drunk and mouthy, Mom's all 'people will talk', Dad and OOP confront future BIL for some reason, and then OOP's saying stuff like “sorry you’re so pathetic that you date any guy who looks at you and you still can’t find a good relationship and I can...you will be divorced before labor…”

Seriously, I can't understand not just saying, 'Hey, you're out of line, and until you get your s@*t together, don't contact me.' People always make family out to be this big huge messy ordeal, 'Blood ties run thick' and all that, but it's really not. That's just unnecessary drama you're inviting in. This just all sounds so petty, and OOP keeps inviting it in, full well knowing how it's going to go down.

kimmi_page

“He has the personality of an adidas sandal”

Incredible. 29/10 no notes.

So, everyone take a moment. Deep breath. Quite a story, right? Do you think the OP was in the wrong here or was she. standing up for herself and waking her sister up?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit,Reddit
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