'My bridesmaid is going rogue on her dress and refuses to send me a picture. AITA?'
"My bridesmaid is going rogue on her dress and refuses to send me a picture. AITA?"
AITA? I’m getting married next month and I informed all my bridesmaids well in advance (6+ months) to purchase a bridesmaid dress from an online store, Azazie. I told them I was not fussy at all about the style of dress, but that it had to be a certain shade and fabric type. I wanted them to feel comfortable in their dress.
The online store had a lot of styles to choose from and a try-on feature where they could select 3 dresses to try on at home before purchasing. This was all well and good until about a month ago when one of my bridesmaids informs me that she bought a dress from a different store altogether. She said it was the exact same color and fabric - but never sent me a picture of the dress.
(She had also purchased one from the Azazie site as a comparison). Initially I told her that it would be fine as long as I could see what it looked like compared to the Azazie dress. As of this past weekend I still had not seen a picture the dress. When I texted her, stating that it was important I see a picture of the 2 dresses, she assured me that it was an exact match…but still didn’t send me a picture.
When I asked her again, a day later, she accused me of “not trusting her judgement” and was pretty PO at me. I STILL had not seen a picture of the dress at this point. I called her and explained to her that even a slight difference in color might show up in the wedding photos and that it was pretty common practice for the bridesmaids to purchase a dress from the same store.
She eventually came around and agreed to wear the dress from Azazie but now I’m left wondering…was I over reacting? AITA for asking a bridesmaid to send me a picture of the dress she bought from a different store?
Redditors had a lot of questions and comments to add.
boardgame_wife94 wrote:
NTA, I think you dodged a mighty bullet as she was so secretive about the other dress. Don't know your friend, but some can't handle other people's happiness. Could've been the wrong color, or even white just to mess with you. I don't know this store and the prices but even if that was an issue she could have raised it sooner. The girl is a red flag! Hope you do have a gorgeous wedding!
Ashfield83 wrote:
I find it so weird when bridesmaids are asked to be part of the bridal party but told to spend their own money on the dress of the brides choosing! I’ve always been a part of weddings in Europe where the cost is bore by the bride and her family, thereby the bride gets full say on what is worn.
OP responded:
People can definitely decline being a bridesmaid or groomsmen due to cost. It’s not like I’m forcing anyone to be a bridesmaid. They all accepted knowing they’d have to pay for a dress.
hanoihiltonsuites wrote:
NTA for applying pressure. But YTA for making your bridesmaid use Azazie dresses. The quality and styles are so awful there’s no rewear factor 😭
OP responded:
I have a bridesmaid out of state so I had to go with a place online or a place that was a chain. It was either and online store or David’s Bridal.
CosmicConnection8448 wrote:
If OP wants a specific dress, she should be paying for it. YTA.
OP responded:
Omg I didn’t want a specific dress! That’s the whole point. I gave the bridesmaid general parameters to find a dress within her budget and in a style she liked. It is a budget friendly bridal shop. You people are so weird.
Guernicus wrote:
YTA. You are expecting your bridesmaid to purchase her own dress, presumably something she will never wear again, and getting snippy when your friend isn’t keen on your micromanagement. Do you think that your wedding will be ruined if everything isn’t perfect? Trust me, it won’t. Weddings should be about family and friends coming together happily to celebrate your future.
No one will care about a bridesmaid with a slightly different shade of dress. No one. It won’t ruin the photos, because people look at the smiling faces or at the bride and groom if they bother looking at the photos at all.
Remember that your friend is your friend first and not some minion in your weird bridal drama and cut her and yourself a break. Apologize, laugh it off over a glass of wine with her and try not to lose the plot over what is only one day.
OP responded:
I would hardly call asking for a picture of the dress “micromanaging”. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. I was actually very polite in my request and she got snippy with me. Cost was not the issue here.
Deliriums_BabelFish wrote:
NTA - if I was in her shoes and had found something "exactly the same color" from another place I'd have excitedly told the bride asap. This bridesmaid was pulling some cagey BS. I have been both bride and bridesmaid and when I was the latter I wanted to be sure to do exactly what the bride wanted because it was her day!
OP - has this bridesmaid showed you the dress she bought from Azazie too? And a picture of her wearing it to prove it fits, etc? Because if not I foresee this becoming a "well the azazie dress didn't look right so I wore my pick" moment.
oscar_boom wrote:
No, you are not NTA. It is the most important day of your life, you are the bride and she got a very simple assignment that she deviated from. Of course you need a picture to make sure that is the right dress. Arrange a wedding is a big task and the details matter, especially to the bride. As a bridesmaid she should know how important this is.
Ok-Organization-560 wrote:
NTA Azazie is like the easiest possible bridesmaid dress option when you want everyone to pick their own but in the same color/fabric. I used it for my wedding too. There's no reason for her to go rogue.
Either_Door980 wrote:
I would have a fun little get together with all the bridal party and make sure they bring their dresses to show off the different styles. That way you can verify everything well before the wedding.
She sounds like someone who is going to try to switch the dress because the other one didn’t fit after all or she thought you ok’d it or some kind of excuse. Nip it in the bud or you're gonna have high drama on your wedding day.
Hopefully, OP and her bridesmaid are able to reach a less tense place before the wedding happens.