'AITA for being mad at the best man’s GF for making him choose between a dog and our wedding?' UPDATED

Some people are astronomically entitled.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for laying down the law with her best man's GF, after she tried to pressure them to "change their wedding month" for a dog. She wrote:

"AITA for being mad at the best man’s Gf for making him choose between a dog and our wedding?"

My fiancé (M29) and I (f26) got engaged last October after 6 years together and plan to marry this October. We both have a very complicated families so we thought a lot about our wedding and decided that we just want peace and don’t want to worry about all the family drama.

So we planned to get marry in Italy with only our best man and maid of honor. It’s only a 4 hour drive to a small city we once discovered on a road trip. We invited my maid of honor / his best man to the wedding (call him Mike, M29) and told them that they could bring there significant other also.

The trip would be fully paid and Mike is my fiancé best friend since kindergarten. Mike's girlfriend (let’s call her Courtney, f28) and him are together for 3 years. We were very welcoming towards her and I befriended her also. We did a lot of things together, helped them move and build their home.

Mike and Courtney are getting a dog (hopefully in September) so Mike told us he needed a different hotel because the one we choose is not dog friendly and at the time of our wedding (October) they would probably have the dog. We apologised and looked for another hotel. Than he texted that Courtney thinks the dog wouldn’t make the long drive which we understood.

We said that there are friends and family who could take the dog but Courtney doesn’t want that. Mike told us that Courtney would probably stay home with the dog and he would travel alone. Here comes the drama: the following day Mike wrote us he will not come to our wedding because Courtney doesn’t want to be alone with the dog for the weekend and she also would like to attend the wedding.

Courtney wrote to me that we could change our wedding month or the place (maybe just a wedding in our hometown) so that they could come. I said no. If we married in our hometown the families would want to attend and all the drama between parents and siblings would stress us out.

My fiancé asked Mike again if he couldn’t come alone and he finally told us that Courtney threatened to end the relationship if he doesn’t stay with her (and the dog). My fiancé was absolutely sad and disappointed and told Mike his feelings. He’s normally not over emotional but that was hard for him.

Courtney wrote me the following day as if nothing has happened and I told her that I’m absolutely disappointed in her and can’t understand her behaviour and how she puts this dog (who is in absolutely no danger or need to have two people dog sitting him) over our wedding and kind of excepted her to apologise for all the stress she put us through.

She called me an insensitive and offensive person, a bride-zilla who wants her wedding above everything and said she couldn’t accept my behaviour even if I apologised. I just can’t comprehend why I should apologise? I feel like I can express to friends if I’m disappointed and I absolutely didn’t wrote anything offensive.

Redditors were fully with OP.

BulbasaurRanch wrote:

Woah what the f**k.

That girl is way out of line, that’s some crazy behaviour.

There is zero valid reason Mike can’t attend. He’s pretty spineless too himself to allow her to dictate his plans like this. Courtney is the kind of person not worth knowing. I’d begin to exclude her from everything, but continue to invite Mike to things. Eventually he will realize that she is preventing him from doing things. NTA.

OP responded:

Ok, thanks I really couldn’t understand her either and started doubting myself. My birthday is in two weeks and I wrote Mike that I don’t want her to attend because I’m too mad about all that and he wrote me back that she said that doesn’t want to see me (or my fiancé for the next months) even if I apologise.. so I guess not seeing her will be an easy thing.

deathandtaxes2023 wrote:

NTA - and I feel a bit sorry for Mike tbh. They don't even have a dog yet - I think even looking for another hotel so that their currently non-existant dog could travel with them was incredibly accommodating of you. There are several solutions available to them: wait and get a dog after the wedding; have a family member dog sit; put the dog into kennels; have courtney stay home with the dog.

But the only solutions Courtney feels are acceptable would be for Mike to miss his best friends wedding (where he is to be best man) or for you to completely change your wedding dates or venue to accommodate their currently non-existent dog. You have nothing to apologise for.

There is something else going on with Courtney. I really hope that Mike does go to the wedding because I think he will regret it later if he doesn't.

Charming_Sandwich_53 wrote:

Mike and Courtney are PITAs. They are trying to get y'all to reschedule and re-locate your wedding over a dog that they don't even own yet?

I am a dog parent who has no children so I am overprotective of my pack, but they are acting insane. All of our dogs have learned to love road trips, and when it is not feasible to bring them, they would go to a pet lodge. Is there a reason that they need to adopt prior to the wedding? Oy vez. They are difficult. You are definitely NTA.

OP responded:

Yes, I get that dogs are a very important part of the owners life so we tried to make it work. We even wanted to change the hotel so that we would all (dog included) stay together in one hotel. But as you said, we won’t relocate our wedding. It’s our dream and they way we feel comfortable. They want to get the dog from a breeder.

The dog's not pregnant yet, but will soon be and if the dogs has more than 3 babies they would get one. The breeder gives the puppies away after 12 weeks and won’t take them longer than that. If they don’t get the puppy in September he‘ll sell it to another person. That’s what they told us.

Ok-Independence5335 wrote:

NTA. So you organised an out of town wedding to avoid family drama and ended with friend drama. Sorry! Is she jealous that you’re getting married and she’s not? It seems weird to cause all this mess over a hypothetical dog. But then some people love to do that.

OP responded:

Yes, I now see the irony in trying to have a dramafree wedding. She kind of ruined the relaxed vibe for us.

The next day, OP shared an update.

UPDATE: We discussed sending this thread to 'Mike“ but decided ultimately against it as he first wanted to talk to "Mike“ himself (before revealing that I posted the whole thing on the internet). They met in secret yesterday (Courtney was at work) and Mike broke down crying. It’s been super stressful for him. He had asked his family (especially his mum) to dog sit but Courtney declined.

His mother was furious that he would miss my fiancés wedding (she loves him!) but Courtney told her that she had changed her mind and decided to let Mike go but that I then wrote her an offensive and mean message so they decided against it. Mike lost it at that and told his family that she had never allowed him and that my message wasn’t mean at all.

He really told her that he wants to go and she should just live with that. She cried a lot and he felt bad. My fiancé told him that he asked another friend of them (who has a little child) to come and he said yes. His wife even asked us if we wanted her and the baby to come (she would understand if that’s too much) but we were happy to also invite them.

Mike cried after hearing this and realised that he will NOT attend our wedding now because of Courtney. Today Mike wrote my husband that Courtney told him that she was overreacting because she had the feeling he wouldn’t value the dog and that it’s a good practice thing for a baby. She doesn’t want to apologise to us but would accept if he goes to the wedding.

I think Mike's family made very clear that they think she’s crazy for this and she wants to be viewed as a good person. My fiancés said that he won’t change that back and that Mike sadly will miss the wedding because we can’t be sure that there is no more drama with Courtney. I know that this is hard for my fiancé but he hopes that Mike realises now what Courtney will cost him now and the future.

Thanks for all the good wishes and I’m happy to be married in Italy this October - without Courtney! <3

People were invested in the update.

ExcellentCold7354 wrote:

If this is practice for a baby, imagine how horrible she'll be once she gets pregnant/gives birth. That'd be a hard pass for me on the both of them, until Courtney is out of the picture.

HumbleConfidence3500 wrote:

All this drama happened because Mike has no backbone. He could have said she's crazy I'm not missing my best friend's wedding for a hypothetical puppy and put his foot down strongly. There would be no drama (at least none circling back to OP, Mike's life will always have drama as long as he's with crazy girl).

msfinch87 wrote:

This was never about the dog, if she even intended to get a dog. This was about Courtney being jealous, possessive and having main character syndrome. She couldn’t stand OP and her fiancé’s wedding being important to Mike so she wanted to throw a spanner in it. Mike’s life will be miserable if he doesn’t get rid of her.

SmashedBrotato wrote:

The brass f#$king balls it must take to ask someone else to move their wedding date for a hypothetical puppy.

Good riddance to Courtney, and congrats to OP.