'AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she made a scene at my engagement party?'

Ideally, you'd have the whole family at your wedding, but not every family behaves in ideal ways.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a bride-to-be asked if she was wrong for not inviting her sister to the wedding after she made a scene at her engagement party. She wrote:

"AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she made a scene at my engagement party?"

Last year, at my engagement party, my sister (who has a history of being the center of attention) made a scene. Despite knowing that my fiancé and I wanted a low-key celebration, she loudly complained about the venue, the food, and even our decision to have a child-free event, which upset several guests and overshadowed the occasion.

We tried to calm her down and asked her privately to respect our wishes, but she accused us of excluding her and being selfish. Given this, my fiancé and I decided not to invite her to our wedding to prevent a similar situation. We want our wedding day to be peaceful and focused on celebrating our love without any drama.

However, when she found out she wasn't invited, she was devastated and reached out to family members to say how hurt she was, making me out to be the bad guy. Now, our parents are pressuring us to reconsider, saying family should be together on such occasions and that excluding her could cause irreparable damage to our relationship.

I feel torn because I understand the importance of family, but I also believe our wedding day should be about us and not managing potential disruptions. AITA for choosing to exclude her to keep our wedding day drama-free?

Redditors had OP's back all the way.

RoyallyOakie wrote:

NTA...the older I get, the more I like the City Hall option.

OP responded:

Wedding planning stress is real...

mfruitfly wrote:

NTA. First of all, INCLUDING her could cause irreparable damage to your relationship. If she causes a scene again, you aren't ever going to forget that she ruined your wedding. Second, "such occasions" should include those who love and honor the couple getting married, and your sister has already demonstrated that she isn't one of those people.

Third, she didn't apologize for her behavior or even think anything was wrong with how she was acting, so there's zero evidence she won't behave poorly again. Finally, do not invite her. You can let your parents know that your sister never apologized for how she acted at the engagement party, and they never pressured her to take any accountability for her actions, but are not pressuring you to include her.

That isn't fair. If they want a happy family, then they should have been doing the work to make that happen, not just excusing your sister for her actions and pressuring you to be the bigger person/not make a big deal/whatever. Even if she apologizes now, it is too late, because it wouldn't be out of genuine remorse, but out of not wanting to face consequences.

Please, do yourself a big favor. No, she isn't invited, no this isn't up for conversation, yes she will be kicked out if she comes (security at the venue or a few friends ready to act so you don't have to deal with it. Tell your parents what I said above and make it clear the decision is final and you won't be speaking about it anymore, not to them or anyone else.

If anyone brings it up, have a brief canned answer "she had a meltdown at our engagement party, has not apologized, she isn't invited, I hope we can work on our relationship but my wedding isn't the time for that, and I don't really want to talk about it because how she acted is really painful for me."

And then do not engage in any further conversation- walk away, change the subject, literally don't respond if people won't let it go.

You will be happier just being decisive, firm, and not engaging.

ConfusedGranny0 wrote:

"My sister (who has a history of being the center of attention)"

This is your answer. You know her, so you already know what will happen the day of your wedding if she is there. I can feel the second-hand embarrassment from here.

Also, complaining about other people's events/celebrations is really poor taste. NTA.

Firm-Molasses-4913 wrote:

NTA. Your sister is already causing drama by complaining about you to family and putting your parents in the middle. Perhaps you could try an alternative response, something that will take your parents and sister by surprise. Instead of looking guilty and explaining yourself to family you could reply “this is exactly why I don’t trust her to behave.”

“This is why she’s not invited, she’s gossiping and complaining about me” and “If she doesn’t smarten up this won’t be the only thing she’s not invited too” and convey that it’s on her to get back into your good graces and not on you to fix the situation. Yeah a little well placed impatience and anger at sister’s antics instead of guilt will arm you ahead of the wedding.

Yay4Amanda wrote:

NTA. People are always so surprised and “hurt” when their actions have consequences? You deserve a day for yourself drama free.

Glitter_Voldemort wrote:

NTA. First and foremost, someone being family doesn’t automatically entitle them to access to you or your life events, especially when it’s someone who is unwilling to respect your boundaries and wishes.

As for not being invited to your wedding, your sister is facing the consequences of her actions. Given her actions at your engagement party, she has made it clear that she can’t be trusted to behave appropriately, and I can’t blaming you for not wanting to risk her causing a scene at your wedding.

StacyB125 wrote:

NTA.

“My sister’s behavior at my engagement party was, by any measurable standard, absolutely unacceptable. We envision our wedding day being peaceful, joyful, and without dramatic outbursts."

"She has done nothing since that day to show us that she will not ruin our wedding in the same way. If you believe so strongly that she should be in attendance, I suggest you find a way to guarantee she will behave appropriately. Since you cannot, you need to stay out of it.”

OP is definitely NTA here, she has every right to stick with her gut here.