'AITA for telling my soon-to-be MIL that I'm marrying her son and not her?'

"AITA for telling my soon-to-be MIL that I'm marrying her son and not her, just after uninviting her to our wedding?"

I (28F) met my fiancé (28M) during college, and we have a great relationship. Last year we got engaged, and we're planning the wedding for this fall. While he has an awesome dad and really sweet sisters, his mother is kind of a sore spot for him. She is separated from his dad and from what I've heard (and witnessed), the family doesn't get along much with her.

If you met her you'd understand why - she's super judgemental and rude, and barely has a nice word to say about her own kids, let alone me. Unfortunately, my fiancé (being her only son and the youngest child) is her blatant favorite - she really wants him to be Mommy's Boy, but he's not that way at all and does a great job of handling her and keeping his distance (which honestly he prefers).

Upon news of our engagement she was super excited, very uncharacteristically. We then all realized that she basically wanted to frame the whole day around her - think "everyone should be praising me for birthing this boy, he couldn't even get married without me!"

From there the craziness really ramped up - she was coming along with him to tux fittings, trying to plan out the music (even OUR FIRST DANCE), and getting angry at me for daring to choose a dress she didn't like.

The rest of his family and I were actually beginning to toy with the idea of uninviting her based on this behavior, and as wrong as it kind of innately feels, this is a pretty exceptional case and honestly her actions were starting to make us dread our own wedding.

A further incident a few days later where she told my son she wanted to walk me down the aisle so she could "have a moment with her son at the altar" made me, my husband and my future in-laws snap.

We very recently arranged for her to come over to our home, where myself and my husband sat her down in the peace and quiet, and gently explained to her that we no longer wanted her to attend the wedding. She got really angry and immediately flew off the handle at me and not her son, as though I was the one who had influenced the rest of the family to uninvite her.

My frustration at her boiled over, and without shouting I stood up and told her that I wanted her to stop yelling, and that she had no right to speak to me as she was. When I realised she was about to blow up again, I cut her off with "In case you don't know, I'm the one marrying your son, not you."

She didn't say anything else, just snatched up her bag and left.She hasn't spoken to me since, but she's trying to get my son to change his mind (believe me when I say he will not).

She wants an apology from me, and while my husband (and the rest of the family) don't think I did wrong, I kind of wonder if my comment was unnecessary and whether it would've been better to stay the calm and collected party. I'm just so done with her and I wanted to let her know exactly how I felt.

Redditors had OP's back.

StonewallBrigade21 wrote:

I wouldn't care what she thinks. It seems everyone agrees she should not be at the wedding, so 100% NTA.

P.S. You may want to hire security to keep her out. 👍

OP responded:

Yeah, security is probably a good idea...

Few_Disaster_5489 wrote:

She sounds a bit deranged. Mothers don't get time at the altar with the groom. Seriously what would stop her from making a dramatic "I object" moment? If she does show assign a groomsman or someone to be there to control or eject her.

NotTodayPsycho wrote:

NTA, put your foot down, this is not happening, otherwise she will be pushing you out of birthing suite insisting on a special moment between her and her son.

Holiday_Trainer_2657 wrote:

NTA. But it's always best to keep your cool if possible with whackos like her. Gives them less ammo. Starve them off with cold politeness, don't feed their fury.

Hard to achieve though.

nottooparticular wrote:

NTA. The fact that she blew up at you rather than her son, while he was sitting right there, and then demands an apology from you indicates to me that this is a power play. She wants to prove to you that she can get the apology and therefore, she has more influence over SO than you do. Don't apologize. Ever.

The next time she brings it up to your SO, he should shut her down by telling her that no apology is forthcoming and that he fees exactly as you do. If he adds that he is also cannot trust her not to cause a scene at the wedding, she will know she has lost. After that, you might have peace.

Or an extinction burst. I agree that she should not have an invitation, and if you do not have security, I humbly volunteer to patrol your wedding and reception with a Super Soaker Water Gun filled with red wine to deal with the almost inevitable white dress.

OP is NTA here, not one bit. Hopefully, her MIL stays far away from the wedding.