AITA for revealing my brother's body-count to his fiancée? UPDATED

In general, it's a bad look to expose someone else's intimate life, but that doesn't mean it never happens.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for accidentally sharing her brother's body count with his fiancee. She wrote:

"AITAH for revealing my brother's body-count to his fiancée?"

I (30F) was out having a girls night with my little brothers' (28M) fiancé (24F). They recently got engaged after dating for about a year. I enjoy hanging out with my soon to be SIL and this was one of the only times I've hung out with her without my brother in tow.

So we were having a ball and most of us were a bit tipsy and she started asking me about my marriage and some more intimate questions like how's it feel to be with one person for the rest of your life and all that jazz. Following this conversation, someone in the group asked everyone how many folks each gal has slept with.

I honestly wasn't comfortable with the conversation, but my soon to be SIL sort of took hold of the topic and mentioned that her and my brother don't concern themselves with each other's past. Her words were "the past stays in the past and if he slept with 20 women what does it matter to her."

I agree with her, but this is where I probably messed up. My little brother was somewhat adventurous in his late teens early twenties (he was a college athlete and in a frat). As we went to the same college and had a lot of mutual friends, this is information that was made aware to me without my wanting, tbh.

So, I know the ball park of his "body-count" and its well over 50 women (probably closer to 100) and my brother confirmed this to me when I asked him if he was being safe with his decisions at that time (e.g. going to the doctor to get tested and such). She followed up her comment with something like "and even if it was a huge number like 35 people, or so, I wouldn't care."

Her saying that prompted me to ask, "what if it was 50 women?"

She got a sort of strange look on her face and mouthed the word fifty, but I played it off like I didn't know what I was talking about and was more-so curious about what her cut off range for "a lot" is.

Fast forward a few days, and I meet them both for lunch and she seems sort of sullen and my brother is being short with me. When she goes to the bathroom I ask my brother what's up and he basically blames me for having revealed his past s*xual history to his fiancé, and now she is acting strange towards him.

I explained that it was a slip of the tongue and I didn't confirm any number but now he is pissed and a couple our mutual friends have let me know I f#$ked up. AITAH?

Redditors didn't hold back.

Typical_Internet_730 wrote:

YTA, but I think you wanted her to know once she said such a low number compared to the truth. I think you believe your brother was reckless and using women, so she needed to know his past. Personally, I bet he was reckless and using women, but I have to assume it was consensual.

He was given the opportunity to have a ton of sex and he took it. But I think only he should be the one discussing numbers with maybe not future SIL. Once you put that number in the air, it was over. She is now obviously hurt to hear it. She may have believed it was high, but not knowing was easier. This is a very tough situation now, and their relationship may never recover. Or maybe it will, but it's going to take time.

You forced them to have a conversation they agreed to avoid, so be prepared to lose your brother for a while or possibly forever. I am betting you ment no harm or malice, but now you have to live with the repercussions. Good luck repairing your relationship, and I hope they are able to move forward with theirs.

OP responded:

Yeah I can accept that I was totally the AH in this situation, but really I did not mean to be the AH. For what its worth my brother and soon to be SIL are fine now. She actually did text me sort of....thanking me? For alluding to it. In the end it hasn't changed anything between them.

My brother and I are alright, it really was just that one lunch that he was like "what the f#$k, dude!" In the end, he knows it was not out of malice towards him.

Borsti17 wrote:

INFO: What was the best possible outcome for this, in your head?

OP responded:

There just wasn't enough thought in terms of best possible outcome. I was just taken by surprise that her "high" theoretical number was so much less than his actual number.

Ill_Connection1631 wrote:

She kept fishing for the true number and pretended like she wouldn’t care no matter what the number was. You asked a hypothetical and she couldn’t take it apparently. Yes this has caused issues in their relationship but they were both lying to one another. He was lying by omission by not telling her the number and she was lying by pretending like it didn’t matter to her.

More than likely he knew she wouldn’t stay with him so he tried to manipulate the situation by telling her numbers don’t matter and he doesn’t care about it and neither should she. The only thing that matters is now. Well it matters if he has an STD or an illegitimate child. Some stds like syphilis, hepatitis and HIV if left untreated can cause lots of issues up to and including death.

If they end up having children and he has herpes and kisses their child then that can cause the child to die. He should have been upfront instead of being a whore and then being ashamed of the number. He wasn’t ashamed back in college but I guess he finally grew up and stopped being a douche but it is probably too late to save this relationship.

He should have told her the number and told her he isn’t like this anymore and will not stray and isn’t looking for unfulfilling s*x with randoms anymore but looking for meaningful s*x and a future with her.

clicheFightingMusic wrote:

Eh, I think you’re in the clear. Brother was clearly trying to get a “clean slate” by hiding it and finding a girl that “didn’t care about the past”. Perhaps she would’ve genuinely been fine with 20, but 50-100 is a bit of a different ball park. Was it wrong of you to do so? Idk. Is it wrong to expose your friend for cheating on their significant other? I would say no, but others would say brother/sisterhood nonsense.

His soon to be wife is more than eligible to know details like this of her soon to be husband. If he didn’t want a day like this to come, maybe he shouldn’t have become a pseudo p*rn-star. I think the brother is in the wrong; it’s fine if you want to be “adventurous” but don’t try and slide that stuff under the rug, own up to it. If not to anyone but the person you’re trying to keep for the rest of your life.

A few days later, OP jumped on with an update.

Y'all. I showed my brother the post (after apologizing for my mistake) and mostly he laughed but was baffled at the hostile replies. My brother and future SIL are fine. My fSIL actually approached me privately and let me know she was happy to have the conversation now with my brother vs later.

She did say it was a shock when he told her his s*xual history but at that point I excused myself out of the conversation and let her know I would not be having any discussions about my brothers sexual history from here on out. My bother is not plotting his revenge like commenters and messengers' implied.

He understands that although this was not in my court to say, he probably shouldn't have waved it off at the early stages of their relationship like he had done. Yes, brother and fSIL are still together. To the internet psychologists who diagnosed me with psychopathy and narcissism....you should consider touching grass.

For what its worth, I also got a lot of messages telling me that they wished sexual history was discussed in greater detail with their partners prior to marriage. Take that as you will. I also got messages that were pretty....explicit and in the opposite direction. For those who tried to imply my brother and I have an incestuous relationship, please close the p*rn tabs and wipe the cheetoh dust off your fingers.

Something I didn't mention was that I was a college athlete myself and word travels fast in those groups. I'm close enough with my brother to ask if he was being safe with his choices and that's how I came to know his s*xual past.

Commenters were just as opinionated about the update.

Pleasehalp33 wrote:

So, you got all pissy that you were rightly judge TA in your previous post, so now you've posted again attacking the commenters? Again, YTA.

OP responded:

I'm not "pissy" I take responsibility for my part and was the AH in that situation. No doubt about it. I posted this update bc it was suggested by a few that I do and a lot of folks were making assumptions that I "ruined" his relationship.

splatworm wrote:

Why is everyone so heated ☠ I've been following since ur last post and am happy to hear that it worked out!

pickledhaggis wrote:

I'm glad everything worked out for you. Still think YTA - it wasn't your business to share. But if you're sleeping better, now that you've survived AITAH, good for you.

kementseftos wrote:

Wow, glad to hear everything worked out for you and your brother. Internet can be ruthless sometimes smh 🙄🤦‍♀️ But damn I wish someone warned me about my ex's bodycount before marrying him. 😒 Lesson learned 💁‍♀️

Luckily, this is a situation where it all worked out in the end.