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'AITA for cancelling my wedding after my future MIL spread a rumor that I'm a bad mom?

'AITA for cancelling my wedding after my future MIL spread a rumor that I'm a bad mom?


"AITA for refusing to speak to MIL and cancelling our wedding?"

My (F35) fiancé (M30) and I are considering cancelling our wedding and eloping instead because of my MIL. MIL has never tried to have a positive relationship with me. She makes sure I’m not included in conversations, belittles my achievements and talks down to me. Things escalated when I was planning fiancé's 30th. MIL fought me on every detail and accused me of not knowing my fiancé at all.

(I planned a golf weekend away for him and his family) he loves golf. Fiancé confronted MIL and asked why she doesn’t like me? MIL admitted she doesn’t like me. Doesn’t like my partner driving me to his family events, didn’t like it took me a month to find employment when I moved to a different town to be with fiancé. Fiancé receives calls and texts from MIL daily. If he doesn’t respond, she blames me.

Fiancé told her if she doesn’t stop this behaviour toward me he will no longer speak with her. I agreed to meet with MIL to smooth things over and try to move forward. MIL never took me up on it. But things seemed ok for a time. Fast forward to fiancé's brothers wedding. Wedding day arrives and we were to be at the venue at 4pm.

Five minutes to 2pm, fiancé receives call from MIL saying the family photo shoot is in 5 minutes. We hadn’t been told of a family photo shoot? MIL demands we arrive at 2pm for it. We frantically get ready and arrive at the house where the wedding was. There was never a photo shoot planned. MIL comes out in her pjs and tries to hand me suit shirts to iron. I refused.

MIL snaps at me asking where my son is. He was never coming. He’s at the hotel. MIL continues stating everyone thought he would be there. I respond he was never coming and we RSVP'd just us. She has been told multiple times he wasn't coming. The ceremony is over & I started to have guests come up to me asking where my son is. I don’t even know these people's names. I tell them he’s at the hotel.

Looks of disgust are thrown at me. My new friends stopped talking to me. I realized these people were being told my son was at the hotel, but not how old he is (teenager). The wedding was a place of ridicule and disgust toward me.

Christmas Day at MIL house. Her family scurried away from me on arrival, refusing to hug or greet me. One man, whom I had met once two years ago, aggressively accused me of leaving my son alone on Christmas Day. (Son was at father's place this year). The rumour has continued and now not only does the MIL hate me, so does her family.

I made up an excuse to announce the fact my son was a teenager who just finished his first year of high school at the top of his class. Everyone's jaw dropped. None of them knew he's a teen. MIL hurried out of the room. Now fiancé wants to cancel wedding and elope because of MIL.

Fiancé is demanding I speak with MIL one last time in order for him to cut her off. AITA for not wanting to confront MIL and for cancelling the wedding?

The internet had OP's back.

archetyping101 wrote:

I'd reword this. You're still getting married and possibly skipping the wedding and reception. NTA. But is this what you want? Since your fiance backs you, why can't you have a wedding (IF that's what you two want) and just not invite his mom and other people? You two still deserve to be celebrated and I sure AF wouldn't give up a day I wanted because of her. She hates you.

Your partner needs to get a handle on this. Either he lays down the law and cuts them out or I suggest breaking up. My partner and I went to counseling over this and you're either a team or you're not. Even if he maintained a relationship and they kept shitting on you, he's letting you down. The only way he could have his family in his life AND you is if he actually created firm boundaries with his family.

For example, sitting his mom down and saying "hey I know you don't like (your name - let's say it's Beth). Beth isn't going anywhere. I love Beth. You don't have to love Beth. But you absolutely do have to respect me and my choice. You will not trash talk, belittle, disrespect or do anything to Beth. If you ever talk disrespectfully or rudely to Beth or about Beth, you will not have me in your life.

So if you decide hating her is more important than having me in your life, that's your decision and you will face the consequence of that because I won't tolerate you disrespecting her. Are we clear? This is coming from me.

Do not blame Beth for anything. I am telling you what I will not tolerate about how you treat the person I love." This way she knows the boundary. It's not controlling her, it's telling her that her actions and choices will result in consequences.

Significant_Break149 wrote:

NTA ELOPE! It will be so fun! Use the funds to go somewhere magical, get the dress off your dreams (if that’s important to you), take the best photos, eat the best food, have the time of your life. If they already hate you, you’ve got nothing to lose! Doooo ittttt.

Fearless_Ad1685 wrote:

NTA. But don't cancel the wedding if a wedding is what you and your fiance want. If you do have a wedding, only invite the people that support both of you. Don't invite anyone who doesn't support both of you. If that means, no MIL, she'll just have to live with the consequences of her actions.

Stranger0nReddit wrote:

NTA, but why cancel the wedding? If you want a wedding, you should have a wedding. That doesn't mean you need to include your hateful MIL or anyone else who doesn't support you/your relationship.

OP is NTA at all, but she shouldn't feel forced to elope if she really wants to have a wedding. MIL doesn't need to be invited.

Sources: Reddit
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