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Bride fires bridesmaid after she discloses diagnosis and cries at bachelorette party.

Bride fires bridesmaid after she discloses diagnosis and cries at bachelorette party.


Hell hath no fury like a bride in conflict with a bridesmaid.

While weddings can be wonderful celebrations full of love and friendship, they can also create massive stress, bring up resentments, and put a wedge between people who were once close.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a bride asked if she's wrong for firing her bridesmaid after she disclosed a diagnosis at the bachelorette party.

She wrote:

AITA for firing my bridesmaid for disclosing her diagnosis at my bachelorette?

I’m getting married in 3 weeks, and I just had my bachelorette over Easter weekend. During a quiet moment, one of my bridesmaids took me aside and told me that about three months ago she was diagnosed with fetal alcohol syndrome. Obviously, I asked her what that meant for her and she started crying because she feels differently about her relationship with her mother.

We met in elementary school and she’s always had a learning disability, but she didn’t know that there was a preventable cause. My other bridesmaids noticed her crying, and the evening ended up being about her. We skipped out on going to a bar in the limo I had hired because she was upset. I thought about it all today and ended up emailing her to tell her that she took away an important moment from my life.

I feel bad about this happening to her, but even though she didn’t always know it’s been going on for her whole life. If this was a recent thing she found out about or it was some kind of deadly disease I would feel differently, but she was sitting on this for months before bringing it up at an event that was supposed to be special to me. You only get one bachelorette and mine was totally overshadowed.

I felt really hurt that she did that, and told her that I didn’t want to have her in my wedding if that’s how she’s going to treat me at a time where the focus was supposed to be something good in my life instead of something sad in hers. She could have waited a few more weeks until after the wedding if she wanted to have this conversation.

She’s still invited to the wedding but I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid after this. I was just texting my cousin (my maid of honour) and she disagreed with me doing this. She said that it sucked that we didn’t go to the bar, but this other friend has already paid for her dress so I should just let her stay. My fiancé supports my choice, but I wanted another opinion. AITA?

People had strong opinions and didn't hesitate to share them.

Sandpipertales wrote:

ESH - I get it! She found out months ago and waited until that night to say anything, took the attention, and you lost out on the money you paid. It was completely understandable to be hurt and frustrated. BUT you didn't need to cut her from the wedding. That was retaliation, pure and simple.

You could have called her and opened up the door to have an honest conversation about how you felt and allow her to respond, this would've shown compassion and grace. Instead you made a decisive decision because your feelings were hurt.

It is your wedding, but she is also a close enough friend where you asked her to be a bridesmaid and she deserved that conversation before you decided to push her out. I would absolutely apologize to her and realize that in this case you've both been sh**ty to each other.

AndrewTheGay wrote:

NTA: She knew for three f**king months. She knew what the hell she was doing.

FlushPulp wrote:

Big NTA. I don't understand the y.t.a comments. She had 3 months to process her diagnosis and ask for support from friends. The thing that really angers me is that she turn a special moment that was supposed to be about having fun into something sad.

And quite literally ruined your plans by using social pressure, because if you wanted to go to the bar anyway you would have looked like you don't care about her. I honestly wouldn't invite her to the wedding until she apologizes, because this seems intentional.

Rough_Elk_3952 wrote:

NTA. She either knew what she was doing and intentionally undermined you. Or she’s incredibly self-centered and had no idea she was making it all about her. But either way, I wouldn’t trust her to not pull similar at the wedding.

BrightGreyEyes wrote:

INFO: But it's info I think you should get from her. Was this the first time she was going to be around a bunch of alcohol since the diagnosis? If so, is that what triggered the disclosure at that moment? She may not have known how she'd feel about it, and it caught her by surprise. I think you kind of feel like this was intentional, but it might not have been.

PracticalPrimrose wrote:

ESH. She knew what she was doing that night since she’s known her diagnosis for months. Maybe the bar scene was upsetting, who knows. But she could have redirected the conversation at some point, could have still used the limo, or merely said - thanks for listening.

Let’s go dancing now! (And I say this as someone who didn’t really do a bachelorette party so it’s not like I’m heavily invested in the experience or something.) But you also suck here.

Throwing her out of the wedding party seems extreme, at least at this point. Why not say that what happened at your bachelorette party hurt your feelings and why. Then tell her you don’t want a repeat scene at the wedding. Ask if she believes that will be an issue. You get the idea. If she apologized it would have been fine. But you never gave her the chance to make amends.

car55tar5 wrote:

Eh, I'm going to go against the grain and say NAH on this one. I 100% believe that your friend deserves love and support and understanding about her diagnosis--it seems to be weighing on her and she's struggling to process it. You can't just shut off your feelings in a case like this, and having spontaneous hard feelings doesn't make her an AH.

That being said, there's a time and a place to bring sensitive personal information, and in the middle of a friend's celebration isn't it. Surely she knew what was planned for the night? If she wasn't comfortable going to a bar or partying with you, she should've discussed this with you beforehand and opted to stay home or leave early.

There was really no reason to bring this up in the middle of your bachelorette party, especially since it wasn't brand-new information. She had ample opportunity to discuss this with you literally any other time. So yeah, I get why you're upset, too.

Clearly, the internet can't agree on this one, because of the various nuances to the situation.

Sources: Reddit
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