When you're planning a wedding, you've gotta do what's best for to keep things chugging, other people's feelings be damned.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for kicking her cousin out of the wedding to make things simpler. She wrote:
I 29 female asked my two cousins 22female (G) and 16 female (L) to be in my wedding as candle lighters. When I asked them I had told them I really wanted them to feel like part of the wedding party so I wanted them to get dresses like the other bridesmaids as well as take pictures with the bridesmaids and rest of the wedding party. Both seemed very excited and agreed.
A few months go by, and I get a text from my aunt saying she can't believe it but L has a volleyball tournament that same weekend as my wedding and doesn't know what the times will be. Initially they said they would try to do both. Mind you the tournament is three hours away from the wedding.
But as time went on it wasn't a question of if she would make the tournament it was a question of if she would like the wedding. So finally, it was time for me to make the programs for the wedding so I had to point blank ask if she would be at the wedding or not. And again, I got a roundabout answer of if there done by that time she will be there.
So finally, I made the hard choice to just take her out of the wedding. I didn't want someone in my wedding party who wasn't full on committed to being there for me. I had gone to so many of my cousin's volleyball games where the day had been about her and this day my wedding I wanted it to be about me and my now husband.
In my mind she was only in 10th grade so she still had two more years left to play in high school plus she plays club volleyball in the wintertime so missing one volleyball tournament should not be a big deal especially for something like a wedding!
I felt so hurt that it was even a question and not only that was hearing from my other cousin G that all she wanted to do was play volleyball and she couldn't care less about the wedding. Now our families are not very close since everything happened. We haven't even done holidays together.
For context: I have no sisters and this is the only set of cousins I have. My mom only had one brother and my dad is an only child.
"In my mind she was only in 10th grade so she still had two more years left to play in high school plus she plays club volleyball in the wintertime so missing one volleyball tournament should not be a big deal especially for something like a wedding!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but...I'm guessing you've not been part of a team before.
Listen, your priority is your wedding - as it should be. Her priority is her team - as it should be.
I felt so hurt that it was even a question and not only that was hearing from my other cousin G that all she wanted to do was play volleyball and she couldn't care less about the wedding.
I'm sorry you're hurt but you are circling Entitled AH Island with this line of reasoning. The fact is, while your cousin wants to be there, she didn't absolutely commit probably because she had to wait to see what the volleyball schedule would be in order to be able to commit (or not) to your wedding. You are right in asking her to step down. You are wrong to expect her to ditch her team for your wedding.
She has a prior commitment to her team and she is honoring it as any committed athlete would and should. NAH, unless you get s#$%y with her about it.
And OP responded:
I have played sports. I did in high school and College. So I very much understand her commitment to her team.
She actually committed to being in my wedding before the tournament came about. She committed to my wedding in September. This tournament came out in June 7 months after I had asked and two months before my wedding. I am not cruel to her or anyone else. I just have chosen to not make them a priority in my life anymore.
YTA because you’re considering this whole thing “kicking her out” instead of simply adjusting her role. Yeah, the day is about you but it’s super weird to be this upset about a high schooler making her volleyball tournament instead of candle lighting. Not sure this was much of a close family relationship if you’re being this catty over a 16-year-old playing sports.
NAH except your aunt? I think your hurt is understandable but you're lacking some perspective, however, I don't think you're an AH. It strikes me that most of the hurt could have been avoided if your aunt had just called it for her daughter and let you know they couldn't commit to the wedding after all.
Out of respect for you and the time and effort that goes into planning a wedding, AND out of respect for her daughter who is a teenager and probably (understandably) wanted to prioritize her team sport over her cousin's wedding but didn't want to hurt you.
YTA. Your wedding is the most important thing in your life right now, and that’s ok. It’s not the most important thing in everyone else’s life, and expecting it to be, especially for a 16yo who has no control over when her sports tournaments are scheduled, and cutting her out of your life for not prioritizing you, makes you TA.
NTA I think the wedding of a close family member outranks a volleyball tournament. At the very least, you deserved a straight answer about whether or not they planned on attending. Hope you have a fabulous day.
Clearly, the internet is divided on this, which means we need your comments and hot takes.