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Bride shuts down family demands that niece be flower girl instead of stepdaughter.

Bride shuts down family demands that niece be flower girl instead of stepdaughter.


Flower girls are one of the most adorable parts of a wedding, and anyone whose been a flower girl remembers just how special they felt to be picked for the role.

When most people think of wedding drama, flower girls aren't the center of it. Tussles between bridesmaids, groomsmen, in-laws, and the couple itself are all par for the course, but drama over the little girl who spread flower petals? Less common.

However, one should never underestimate the power of a helicopter parent to manufacture drama out of nothing.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a bride-to-be asked if she's wrong for not letting her niece be flower girl.

She wrote:

AITA for not letting my miracle baby niece be my flower girl at my wedding?

My (27F) older brother and SIL (both mid 30s) just welcomed their first child a year and a half ago, after YEARS of trying. After many failed attempts, SIL was told that she wouldn't be able to conceive due to a medical condition she has, they finally got pregnant.

Since having my niece, the baby has been the center of attention at EVERY family event we've had since she was born. Birthdays, weddings, family get-togethers, you name it. Now don't get me wrong I LOVE my niece, but it can get to be a little too much when my SIL goes on and on about how long they tried to conceive, complications they've had, miscarriages they've had etc.

Like a little TOO much info. Many family members have commented on how it's a little bit excessive, but no one has said anything because they don't want to sound like an AH. Anyway I'm getting married in the spring and my brother and SIL approached me last weekend about having my niece be the flower girl.

Now my fiancé (35M) has two children (10M and 6F) from his previous marriage. His son is one of his groomsmen while his daughter had asked to be our flower girl when we told them the news that we were getting married a year ago, as it's something she always wanted to do, so of course we said yes.

So I explained this to my SIL when she asked me about my niece. She asked if my stepdaughter can just carry my niece with her? I said I don't think she'd be comfortable with that considering she's 6. She then asked why I can't give that role to my niece, and allow herself to carry my niece down as the flower girl? I said no because I already promised my stepdaughter.

She then started going off about how my lack of effort to incorporate my niece is disgusting to her. I should 'honor her' in some way since I know how long and hard they tried for my niece. Now I may sound like an AH for this but I kind of got fed up and snapped and said:

'Incorporate my niece how? By the time the wedding comes around, she'll be two years old. The ENTIRE family already knows your story about how long and hard you guys tried for her. What more do you expect me to do to honor her?'

She started crying and said that clearly I don't love my one and only niece and I'm 'letting her down'. I said of course I love my niece, and obviously, she's going to be involved in pictures and stuff. But I'm not going to let my stepdaughter down by giving my niece a role she's too young to remember anyway.

Well now SIL and my brother are pissed off with me for not letting my niece be flower girl, and are running around telling the rest of the family I don't love my niece. My mom had been trying to stay neutral but thinks my stepdaughter would understand if I explained to her I need to give that role to my niece.

I'm firm in my decision though, and my fiancé is thankful that I didn't let his daughter down. AITA for not allowing my niece to be the flower girl?

Commenters quickly jumped on the thread with thoughts.

CassandraArianaBlack wrote:

NTA. Let them be pissed. If ever there was a time to take a stand for your stepdaughter, it is now. Without knowing her story, or how she came to be part of your life. She's 6 years old, and you've made a commitment to be in her life. The moment you make it official revolves around her as much as it does you.

You absolutely have every right to honor the stepdaughter over the niece, and these first moments as stepmom are going to cause the ripple that forms the pond that is your relationship for her whole life. Trust me, if you back down now, and give her spot away, it's going to ruin more than just your wedding.

KylerJaye wrote:

NTA. She's their miracle baby, not yours. The fact that they want you to disappoint your soon-to-be stepdaughter, in order to make their daughter the focus of your wedding is absurd.

jdr0p wrote:

NTA. Your wedding, your choice.

Your SIL is lucky you didn't say 'no children under X age' because that is becoming super popular.

Sad-Mall-6704 wrote:

NTA. DO NOT, for the love of all things holy, let your niece be flower girl. Your SIL needs to learn that her kid is not more important to you than your soon-to-be stepchildren, you are taking on a big role in the lives of these children and they have to know that you are going to stick up for them. This is the hill and if you need to die on it with your SIL then so be it.

BlueMikeStu wrote:

NTA. If they don't understand why breaking a promise to your future stepdaughter is a bigger issue than letting your sister carry her toddler down the aisle, they're self-centered jerks.

Point out this is you making sure your stepchildren are welcome and feel like they belong. Put your foot down HARD on this bullsh*t. Your niece is not more important than your stepdaughter to you, any more than your stepdaughter would not be more important than your niece to her.

OP is clearly in the right to prioritize her stepdaughter over her niece, particularly given the fact that her niece wouldn't even remember this. Hopefully, her family understands.

Sources: Reddit
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