The mental gymnastics people will go through to enable a manipulator is wild. And it can make you feel like you're losing your mind when you're the only person who will draw a firm line and stand up to the manipulator.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her sister she can't attend the wedding with her plus one because of his history. She wrote:
Edit one: many questions has been asked if we're full or half-siblings. I can confirm we're full siblings.
I (24F) am due to get married in two weeks to the love of my life (38F). I have two sisters 'A' (29F) and 'B' (26F) and a former friend 'Dick' (24M). Dick and I go a long way back and used to be great friends but a few years ago there was drama starting in our friendship group and everyone started turning on each other.
At the time our mother was poorly and I knew she was reaching the end of her days so I was saving money in cash otherwise I would have spent it if it was in a debit card or credit card to pay for her funeral expenses as she didn't have a will in place or a funeral plan, she was too far gone mentally as well to sort that out.
I saved about £3,500.00 for my mum's funeral. But Dick stole that money which I reported was stolen. I told them I knew it was Dick, but didn't have the evidence. A few days later my mother passed away. I ended up having to get a loan out for £5,000.00 and ended up getting into debt for it.
A few days after my mum had died Dick had showed up to my door. He openly admitted to stealing the money and was laughing at the fact my mum died. A and B knew what was going on. A year later I found out B was friends with him, not just 'friends' but 'BEST FRIENDS' with him even after knowing what he did. I decided not to speak to them for a few months as I needed time.
In two weeks, I'll be getting married and I found out during a family dinner yesterday that B is bringing Dick as her plus one. When we announced our engagement I did say she could bring anyone as I didn't think she bring Dick at all.
I went ballistic and told B that Dick isn't coming to the wedding and he ain't going to be your plus one and if you don't accept that then it means you're uninvited to the wedding as well. My fiancè remained calm but voiced her opinion and said she agreed. A got involved and a screaming match went off. A said if B is uninvited to the wedding then they're not coming as well.
'They're' being my BIL and sister. My BIL stayed out of it and told me he's still coming as well. Some of my friends think I'm being an AH because I lost my mother and I only have my sisters left and my strict stance will ruin the relationship for good if I don't allow Dick to come. AITA?
Successful_Pace_1521 wrote:
No thieves at the wedding seems like a pretty easy rule. NTA.
setsumaeu wrote:
NTA. You're certainly allowed to refuse anyone from attending your wedding, and it's insane that your sister is asking for tolerance about someone who stole money from her sibling.
ArkeryStarkery wrote:
No, no no no. B is ruining her relationship with you, for good, by trying to bring the man who stole your mother's funeral money (!) to your wedding. She is doing this. Her strict stance that Dick is allowed back in your life is doing horrible damage to your family.
I suggest a compromise. Dick can come to your wedding if he brings you a check for £8,500.00, plus the interest you incurred on that loan. NTA.
mybeating_heartbeat wrote:
NTA.
Just to make sure I understand this properly:
You ALL share the same mother.
They know Dick stole the Money meant for your (also their) mother’s funeral.
They know he admitted to stealing the money AND mocked your (also their) mother’s death.
A year later, B became best friends with the person who stole the money for her mother’s funeral and mocked her death.
B wants to bring Dick, the low life who admitted that he stole the money meant for your mother’s funeral and mocked her death, to YOUR wedding.
A defends B and says if B can’t go, she won’t go either. A’s husband disagrees and says he’ll be there with or without her.
Why would you want them in your life? Where is the f#$king loyalty? To your mother? To you?
The way I would cut them off so freaking quick! They have no understanding of what it means to be a family!
They’ve proven it to you time and time again at this point.
They’re loyal to the one who, at your family’s lowest point, decided to kick you all down. The one who insulted their mother right after she died.
I’m trying to make sense of this:
Did your sisters hate your mother? Do they hate you?
I’m trying to understand but the math is not math-ing!
Trump_God45 wrote:
So this guy shows up to your front door and mocks you for stealing your money and laughs at the fact your mother died and people expect you to be ok with that person being at your wedding? Hell no, this would be the hill I would die on. NTA.
OP is NTA, she's just surrounded by delusional enablers.