Nothing hampers the joy of wedding planning quite like being forced to manage the feelings of stubborn loved ones. What was supposed to be a simple and fun exchange can quickly turn into a fight that mines the soil of years of tense emotions.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for telling her sister she shouldn't come to the wedding if she refuses to wear a bridesmaid dress. She wrote:
Hi, I'm planning a lovely bridesmaid entourage for my wedding consisting of: my beautiful sister and cousins. We are all on very good terms. Today I told my sister I thought of navy blue dresses for bridesmaids. I sent her a couple of pics very enthusiastically. I thought it's elegant. Matches with the suits and gives a nice pop to the white wedding dress on pics.
The response from my sis was instant. 'You can't be serious! I won't wear that. Everyone will hate that. Or is it that you want all of us to look like s#$t? I heard there are weddings where the bride wants to make bridesmaids look intentionally bad. That's probably your plan.'' She said her 'color type' is 'autumn' and navy looks the worst on that complexion.
My cousins, she said, are also autumn and I will make them look the worst too. After my heart sank I started looking for alternate colors on this 'seasons color wheel' thing. I sent her a couple of alternatives suggested. Different deep blues. She replied that she doesn't want to be my bridesmaid but wants to be pretty. She would attend all the getting ready with the girls but won't wear the matching dress.
I read this happens in bridal parties. There is usually one difficult person. The suggestion is to ask them to step down as bridesmaid...for me it obviously didn't come to that as my sis stepped down without discussion. Her pov is that I should care about people feeling good at my wedding and I don't have much empathy.
I cried for a bit then I told my sister honestly that after this I will feel sad and angry every time I look at her at the wedding. In her pretty dress, being satisfied with herself at my expense. And maybe it's best if she's not there then. AITA?
NTA - remove your sister from the bridal party, go with the color you have chosen. It's your wedding, not hers. If she wants to attend the "girls getting ready" then she needs to accept her responsibilities and dress like the rest of them. If you're not in the bridal party, you don't get to do the "fun" stuff.
You, as the bride, do not have to have anyone there that a) you don't want and b) will make you sad when you look back on the pictures.
WOW. Your sister is rude.
"Sis, the role of bridesmaid is to wear the bride's choice of color as a representation of being her best female confidant/friend. Its' the norm. I don't want to have to explain why one of my closest female relatives are not in my bridal party on my wedding day, and also I don't want to have to explain to you why it's so important to wear what I ask.
But why is it more important to 'look pretty' than it is to be my support on this ONE DAY? You have every other day of the year to 'look pretty' if that is your complaint, and honestly, I think you could easily pull off the dress since I looked into what an autumn can wear, and most autumns CAN in fact look stunning in navy blue."
Also, show her this:
True/Warm autumns can even wear it, since it's a part of their neutral pallete: here
Even soft autumns can: here
So I'd call her on her BS. She just wants to wear what she wants, and honestly, if her "looking pretty" everyday of the year is more important then being there for you on your wedding day, then yeah, I'd probably uninvite her too.
ESH for telling your sister she can’t attend your wedding because she doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. As the bride you get to choose the color scheme and part of agreeing to be a bridesmaid is wearing the dress the bride picks out regardless of how unflattering it is. Which means you sister is also being an AH. Honestly, you both seem petty.
ESH She was rude about the dress but she has bowed out about being a bridesmaid. Why can’t she be a guest in a “pretty” dress or is she right that you do want to make sure she looks like crap.
And you can be sure that if you uninvite her over something as trivial as this, you look like the petty jealous bride. If knowing that your sister feels good about what she chooses to wear at your wedding is going to ruin your wedding day - don’t get married, you need to grow up first.
ESH. She has a ridiculous attitude, and it sounds like she just never wanted to be a bridesmaid for you. She should have just said so in the first place instead of stirring the pot about the dress. And her opt out should be fine with you: no one is entitled to unwilling bridesmaids. So, you’re the AH for demanding that she cater to you as a bridesmaid or be uninvited. She’s still your sister…
Clearly, this is a situation where pettiness abounds on all sides.