Bride snaps after mom makes wedding dry for sober SIL; says, 'it's my day.' UPDATED
"AITA for not caring about my SIL alc*h*lism on my wedding day?"
So I recently got married to the love of my life. I had my niece, nephew and my husband's niece and nephew in the wedding. My family...mom, dad, brother, niece, nephew, and SIL flew in from where they live. My SIL and I have never really gotten along, I don't know why, we just haven't.
My mother who is amazing, has decided that my wedding was going to be a dry wedding. I didn't consent to that and said as much. My SIL has a drinking problem and is just plain b#$%hy around me. She wouldn't even participate in family photos and literally screamed at me three times. I ignored it. After a while, some of the guests asked if they could bring out some alc*hol I said sure.
My wedding started at 3? And I asked that alcohol be brought out at 8 pm and anyone under 21 leave by 730. My SIL stayed around and when the alcohol came out my mom had a fit about it. I looked at my mom and said I have given into your whims and hers the entire time I've known SIL. Today is my f#$king day. I don't give a s#$t about her alc*h*lism. My mom looked so sad so reddit am I the AH?
People had OP's back in the comments.
LuigiFux wrote:
NTA - sounds like it was time for SIL to go home.
CuriousTsukihime wrote:
NTA - they literally teach you in AA that your addiction is yours to manage and no one else’s responsibility. If your mom was truly an advocate she’d see your SIL as a multifaceted human who is not defined by her struggles. Your mom is not helping her by asking the world to over-accommodate or refusing to see her outside of her addiction.
Your mom means well but is insanely out of her depth and out of line. Congrats on your nuptials. I hope you got lit and laid on your wedding night 🤣
Ducky818 wrote:
NTA. That is some entitlement by mom to require your reception to be dry to cater to SIL. Your SIL needs to be able to co-exist in a room with people drinking or leave. It is difficult to require everyone around you to not drink because you are an alc*holic.
Fine_Cause_1713 wrote:
I’m a recovered alc*h*lic and though weddings were tough for me in the beginning, alcohol is literally EVERYWHERE. Gas stations. Grocery stores. Restaurants. If she’s tempted to drink at your wedding she’ll be tempted elsewhere. It’s not up to you or your family to manage her problem. That’s codependency.
She needs to know what she is okay with being around, and if she doesn’t want to be around alcohol she can leave. I’m queen of the 9pm / Irish exit because usually if people are drinking, by 9pm that’s when people get rowdy haha. NTA.
SpaceGirl868 had a crucial question:
NTA. Did your mom pay for the wedding? Is that why she got to decide it would be dry? You should have had security escort your SIL out.
OP answered with some clarification:
I was trying not to ruin anyone's good time or make anyone uncomfortable. My mom was trying to "pretend there is no alc*h*l so there shall not be any". It was right in the invitation I made that specifically said 20 and under need to be out by 730 as alcohol will be allowed at 8. It was bold face font. You couldn't miss it.
After receiving a lot of support, OP shared an update.
Update: thank you guys so much for the upvotes. To clear up some confusion. It was a BYOB event and it clearly stated in the invitation that anyone 20 and under needed to leave by 730 because alc*h*l was coming out at 8 pm. My SIL doesn't acknowledge that she's an alc*h*lic.
My mother is a people fixer so she automatically assumed that it was going to be a dry wedding. I have very LC with SIL to begin with as I said we just don't get along. You would have to ask her why.
Clearly, OP is NTA - her SIL's journey is her own.