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Bride rejects stepmom's tradition of wearing family item to wedding; gets called 'selfish.'

Bride rejects stepmom's tradition of wearing family item to wedding; gets called 'selfish.'


When this bride feels conflicted, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for not wanting to be part of my stepmother's family tradition with my step and half sister?'

So my stepmother has this tradition her family does regarding weddings where all the sisters wear the same piece from a family member's wedding outfit. Typically it's something from your mother or grandmother's wedding.

My stepmother and all her sisters wore their mother's veil. Stepmother's nieces by her older sister all wore their mother's wedding pearls. You get the picture. I'm engaged. My stepmother sat me, my stepsister and half sister down to discuss what our item would be. I told her I was planning to wear something of my mom's and that would be all the extra's I would go with.

She told me it was an important tradition to continue. I told her it was nice of her to think of me but it wasn't my tradition. She then said the simple answer would be let them wear the necklace when their wedding days come around.

They thought that was a great idea and said if it was the piece they were thinking it was, it was the most beautiful thing ever and they'd love to wear it. I said that wasn't going to happen. That it was a piece of my mom I could have during my wedding since I can't have her.

My not wanting to do this tradition has caused some arguing. My step and half sister were upset I wouldn't do it with them. My stepmother is upset that I don't want to embrace a tradition from her family. The tradition has no interest to me at all. And I would never share something of my mom's with my step or half sister.

My dad tried to talk me into it. He told me it would mean so much and would I not like to finally feel like they are just my mom and sister's instead of having step and half in front of their titles. I told him no. I have a mom. And her being dead doesn't change that or mean I need to see someone else as my mom too.

My stepmother told me she has always tried to make me a true part of her family, a true daughter, and I'm an asshole for rejecting that as an adult when it doesn't just hurt her, but my 'sisters' as well. AITA for not wanting to do this/turning it down?

Let's find out.

peppervl writes:

Definitely NTA for not wanting to make your mom's necklace the item that you all wear, but I don't understand why you're so adamantly against wearing something of your stepmom's too that your stepsisters could also wear.

Wearing something small like a bracelet or hair clip would be meaningful in a different way than wearing your mom's necklace. And it could be your 'something borrowed' as well. (And then your mom's necklace is your 'something old' so it's part of that tradition too.)

jambomo disagrees:

YTA - not for not sharing your mums necklace but for your horrible attitude towards your step-mum and step-sisters.

Reddit has some weird doormat approach to step-parents that they should look after you and be kind but never expect you to acknowledge or thank them in any way.

In the real world sure you don’t have to acknowledge someone who has cared and looked after you for years, you don’t have to acknowledge their traditions or wear a small thing for them, but it does make you a massive AH.

Well, jury's out on this one. Is OP TA? Or is Reddit being too harsh?

Sources: Reddit
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