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Dad tries to force bride to make stepsister from affair MOH, aunt says 'let me pay instead.'

Dad tries to force bride to make stepsister from affair MOH, aunt says 'let me pay instead.'


We all know the saying: no good deed goes unpunished by a divided extended family.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for helping pay for her niece's wedding. She wrote:

"AITA for helping to pay for my niece’s wedding so she doesn’t have to involve my family in the wedding?"

My (32F) brother Nate (49) married his first wife and had my oldest niece Zoe (24F). Nate cheated on Zoe’s mom when Zoe was 6 and they divorced. Zoe’s mom took her to another city and Zoe would come to us for summer vacation. Nate moved his girlfriend in after the divorce and they had Kim (17F). I have always sent Zoe Christmas and birthday cards.

She would send me a message a few times a year for updates. We are friends on a few social media platforms but we’re both not very active online. Last year Zoe said that she‘s getting married. Our family was happy for her and Nate said he would help pay for the wedding since both Zoe and her fiancé are both only 24. Zoe thanked him and went about planning her wedding.

Recently, Nate found out that Kim is just a guest in Zoe’s wedding. He told her she should make her only sister the maid of honor. Zoe said that position was for her best friend who’s been in her life since she was ten.

Nate was not happy but then suggested Kim could be a bridesmaid and Zoe said no, that although she feels bad for feeling this way, Kim IS the proof of him cheating on her mom and she is uncomfortable having Kim as anything other than a guest at her wedding. Nate then said Zoe needs to make Kim a bridesmaid or he will pull all the funds from her wedding.

When I learned of this, I lost it on my family, especially my parents, asking why they can back Nate up on such a thing. They said they agree that it is a little mean but this needs to be done to keep the family together! How can Zoe gets married and not have her only sister involved at all? I happen to be doing rather well financially.

I called Zoe to console her and asked her how she planned to proceed with the wedding. Zoe said they would scale down the wedding. It would be a shame but it was the only way her fiancé and she could pay on their own. I asked for the difference and since it was only just over 10K I told Zoe she could consider it a wedding gift from me and she could have her dream wedding.

Zoe was ecstatic. She said I gave her the ability to really have her wedding the way she wanted it. My family was mad at me when they learned what I did. Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything.

Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is. My family gave me such grief that I wonder AITA?

Redditors had a lot to say in response.

EmergencyKind8967 wrote:

NTA. You are a saint. Zoe isn't snubbing people or making it a big deal to exclude people, she's just not going out of her way to appease other peoples unreasonable requests for her wedding.

And the fact that Kim said she was "looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding" and saying you ruined that means that she was promised that her dad would be able to manipulate Zoe into giving her what she wanted.

That doesn't sound like a loving father or half-sister that's bothered or hurt by the lacking relationship with Zoe; that's a couple of self-pitying AH who are willing to use Zoe to get something they want and are upset that they've been denied the chance to take advantage of her. Also, being in a wedding party is a big responsibility; being the MoH even more so.

Is the 17 year old going to plan the bachelorette party? Attend wedding dress shopping? Coordinate the other bridesmaids? Be someone the bride can lean on for emotional support? Protect the bride from unnecessary stress? It's not a prize or a gift you just give to a child because they want it. If she wants to put on a pretty dress for a fancy party she can save it for junior prom.

BBQQuails wrote:

NTA. Go, aunt, go! Zoe should be able to have her wedding the way she wants to and your supporting funds help her with that. Now she gets to cherish this happy memory for the rest of her life. Your family, from what you say here, is definitely dysfunctional and I bet the extended family and friends already know this. A bit too late to try to save face now if you ask me.

Spare-Article-396 wrote:

Absolutely, unequivocally NTA. Your bro and your parents are the AHs. Zoe had a super valid reason, and even having her sister and her dad at the wedding was gracious enough. It also sounds like your parents enable your AH bro. You’re an awesome aunt!

d1rkgent1y wrote:

NTA. Zoe is entitled to have anyone she wants in her bridal party or at the wedding (I'm a little surprised she'd even invite Kim). It's completely understandable that she wouldn't want her half sister in her bridal party if they have no real relationship and given your family history. You're doing a good thing by facilitating the wedding she wants to have.

OP is absolutely NTA here, she's a great aunt offering her niece a way out of this drama.

Sources: REddit
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