Groom uninvites family from wedding after they try to make his fiance be 'the bride.'

Dealing with the meddling opinions of relatives during wedding planning is annoying no matter what. But when you're LGBTQ+ and they're religious, there's a whole different layer of BS to sift through.

Unfortunately, even now, LGBTQ+ people are often told to be patient and 'just be grateful' if their family isn't comprised of violent homophobes. While widespread, this mindset is deeply unfair, and puts all the emotional labor on the already marginalized person. But pushing back against 'traditional' beliefs can be an exhausting task in its own way.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he's wrong for uninviting family from his wedding after they pressured his fiance to be 'like a woman.'

He wrote:

AITA for uninviting my family to my wedding after they feminized my fiancé?

I(24M) am getting married to my fiancé J(23M). My mother’s family is very traditional and religious and always believed I would be marrying a girl and are having a hard time adjusting. J is a model. He often times where he’ll model clothes on the more feminine-side and no one has a problem with it.

My family have seen some of the photos and have often joked that J is 'pretty enough to be a girl' which he would just laugh off as some joke. My grandfather has offered to pay for the suits. The deal was he would get an opinion when it came to what our wedding suits would be since they were paying. J and I went on different days.

Fast forward, I’m going to go pick up the suits from my aunt’s place. Right away I can tell something’s wrong. My suit is fine but J’s is white. J was adamant saying he wanted a black suit so I asked my aunt why it was white but she said J chose it. I didn't believe her. Something was definitely off. J isn’t a large guy or anything but this suit just looked far too small.

I ask J about the suit when I get home and he just brushes it off. When I said it looked too small he looked a bit panicked and said he’ll take care of it. I couldn’t help but feel maybe J was pressured into choosing white. He’s a bit of a people-pleaser so it wouldn’t surprise me. I ended up looking up the suit online to see if I could order one in black and that if he liked it we could refund my grandfather.

As it turns out, they ordered a woman’s suit for him. I honestly thought it was a mistake at first and that maybe my grandfather somehow chose wrong so I asked J about it when he got home and he broke down. Apparently, my grandfather told J that every wedding needs someone in the bride role and since he’s marrying into our family it should be him.

My aunt had been pressuring J into losing weight to fit into the suit they bought for him and had convinced him their family would only accept him if he wore a white bridal one. And that’s not even all, my grandaunt has been buying J a lot of hair accessories that are extremely feminine and has even suggested he get a new engagement ring. I’ve never been so pissed.

J said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he just wanted to keep the peace and that just made me more upset. I ended up uninviting them to our wedding. My mom called and demanded to know what happened and she was deeply shocked and ashamed when I told her what her everything and she says it’s not acceptable but that they’re having a hard time adjusting to this new kind of wedding.

My cousins say if a suit was such a big deal then J should just wear a dress since he's used to wearing girl clothes. I uninvited them too. J’s family are all on my side. My mom says that I was overreacting by uninviting everyone that disagrees with me and that I should let them come if they apologize to J. I’ll admit I was harsh but I also don’t think I’m in the wrong. AITA?

The responses were piping hot.

JustAnotherSaddy wrote:

NTA.

Your family is abusive AF! Holy sh**!! Protect your SO from the crazy!

xopranaut wrote:

NTA. Any apologies they make will be meaningless as they clearly don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. Enjoy your wedding day without them.

LittleTrimble wrote:

Good choice uninviting those family members. You are about to get married, so your actions now will set the tone for the rest of your marriage. NTA.

dbear848 wrote:

NTA. I'm surprised that J is still willing to marry into OP's family. It reads to me that OP's family is still stuck in some really dated homophobia where sexual orientation is confused with gender identity.

T_G_A_H wrote:

NTA. Poor J. How awful! Keep them uninvited and your mom can stay away also if she doesn’t think they’re behavior was so bad. You’re not overreacting or being harsh at all. Only people who truly love and support you both should be there.

Maybe things will change in the future, and you can leave the door open, but stick to your guns on making the wedding a celebration of your love and commitment to each other, surrounded by supportive people.

embopbopbopdoowop wrote:

NTA. And well done. This is absolutely the hill to die on. Poor J. He deserves better, and luckily he seems to have that in you.

Tell your mom that you know she loves J and you appreciate her saying it was unacceptable, but that if she continues to suggest forcing your fiancé to spend his wedding day with the people who did this to him, you’ll have to reconsider her invitation as well. Wishing you both a wonderful wedding day and a long and happy marriage.

STLt71 wrote:

Your fiance sounds like a sweet, sensitive, and caring soul and it pisses me off that they treated him this way, and he put up with it just to keep the peace. You are absolutely NTA. I don't think I would ever talk to those a**holes again. I hope you have a beautiful wedding day and a lifetime of happiness together. ❤️

OP is absolutely NTA here, but unfortunately, a large swath of his family is.