Lesbian bride gets pressured to invite homophobic cousin to wedding, stands her ground.
Planning the guest list for a wedding is stressful enough if your family is chill. But it's a whole different ballgame when there's family drama or unreasonable expectations. Before you know it, a day that is meant to be full of uplifting celebrations can quickly devolve into conflict.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not inviting her homophobic cousin to her wedding, even if it causes 'waves.' She wrote:
'AITA? Family upset I won’t invite homophobic cousin to my wedding?'
AITA? I (26f) am engaged to my fiancée (26F) and we are getting married next year. I received a text from my mom this morning stating my family (3 of them) is upset that I am not inviting my cousin (24f) who is extremely homophobic. We used to be very close, but one day 4 years ago came to me with a Bible and told me I was an abomination for doing what I was doing (being a lesbian).
I told her if that’s how she felt then she would no longer be a part of my life. We stopped talking and really seeing each other completely since she lives in a different state. I don’t follow her on any socials. I’ve taken the easy path for my family during holidays and have been civil despite how she made me feel - however I feel like it’s my wedding day and I have the choice to choose who I want there.
Why would I pay for someone to be there who doesn’t support me? Some of my family members are now saying they won’t come if she isn’t invited. Part of me literally does not care. My heart is telling me if they support me they’ll be there. My mom is still saying I should take the easy path and not cause waves.
However, she’s also a ball of anxiety so she’d rather there not be any confrontation. I know the entire family is probably texting about it in a group chat.
In true form, Redditors kept it all the way real.
RichSignal7022 wrote:
NTA. This is a great way for you to weed out all the homophobes in your family. Your mom may hate confrontation, but do you really think if you invite your cousin there isn't going to be confrontation on your wedding day? If she doesn't support same-sex marriages then your cousin's both a hypocritic and a homophobe if she was planning to attend.
Moose-Live wrote:
NTA. Maybe you should message your family members with something like this:
'Hi Bob, I understand that you're upset because I haven't invited Griselda to my wedding. Since Griselda told me that my relationship with Jo is an abomination, I felt it would be deeply uncomfortable and unpleasant for her to attend our wedding. Best regards, Cynthia.'
drearyer wrote:
NTA. Why would your cousin even want to be at the wedding? My gut tells me she'd probably make a scene as severely homophobic people often do. If I were you, I'd protect myself and my fiancee by not inviting her. You're right; it's your day and you don't deserve to be on edge or put up with homophobia on your literal wedding day.
Does your family know what Your cousin said/did? I would let them know if they don't -- it's possible they could think you're just excluding your cousin for no reason.
tosser9212 wrote:
'Some of my family members are now saying they won’t come if she isn’t invited.'
They'll be making choices regarding their future interaction with you. Expecting you to host someone who thinks you're less than human is utterly ridiculous.
Have a smaller wedding filled with people who love you. NTA.
okIhaveANopinionHERE wrote:
NTA - Your cousin earned her place at the table, or better yet, her lack thereof. She doesn't even deserve the courtesy of a 'nonvite.'
While people can change their views on the acceptance of homosexuality, I have noticed having LGBT+ family members and coworkers tends to do that, since your cousin isn't making any effort to make amends, it means that she most likely hasn't. Not inviting her is the right move.
There's no universe in which OP is TA, it's clear her family needs to grow a backbone before they lose her due to their cowardice.