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Man won't invite parents' polycule partner to wedding; 'We won't come without Dave.'

Man won't invite parents' polycule partner to wedding; 'We won't come without Dave.'


"AITA for not wanting my polycule parents at my wedding?"

My parents are in a polycule relationship with a man. I've always been mildly uncomfortable with it just due to a variety of features about the whole thing. For starters, the man is as young as I am and he basically now lives in my former room growing up. I don't say anything about it as it's their life and they can live it as they like but, and I'll be completely honest here, all of it sort of discomforts me.

Nevertheless, I have my own life and I still love them and I try not to think of that in any capacity. They are happy and that's good for them. With that background out of the way. I am getting married soon and I wanted my parents to be there ofc. They were happy for me and it was great. Then my SO and I got to arranging everything for the wedding and we eventually began arranging the seating.

I wanted to run my seating plan by my parents as they know some people better so I emailed it to them and asked them to look it over. They looked it over and then they called me that I had missed a seat for Dave (fake name for their significant other). I told them I didn't think Dave would be coming. They said they would be all coming and I said I'm not sure if its a good idea.

I try to tip-toe to gently tell them to not bring Dave but they were insistent, so I was frank with them. I told them I was uncomfortable with Dave coming and I wanted to share my special day with them, not Dave. I tried to explain why I didn't think it was appropriate. At this point, things took a turn for the worse. We had a back-and-forth which basically devolved into a fight.

Eventually, they basically said they'd much rather just not come if they couldn't come as a couple. I, in a moment of anger, then said 'great, then don't come' in a passive-aggressive tone. I haven't talked to my parents since then. In a way I feel like they've changed so much from when I was young.

I still love them and I still wanted them to come but all of this is just not how I imagined my wedding going. It's their life to live but this is my wedding. It's supposed to be about me and my SO surrounded by people we cherish. Dave and I have no relationship. He is a stranger to me and, respectfully, I genuinely am completely fine with that.

I want them to come but if they want to bring Dave, I much rather they just don't. I love them but I don't want Dave there. So, AITA?

Edit: We're not doing a +1 system. The wedding is only people we love and cherish and their families that we love and cherish. It's a 53 person wedding, so it isn't huge.

This post sparked a lot of discussion.

ImNiceOccasionally wrote:

NTA. Your parents definitely are though. If this is the hill they want to die on then let them. It's your wedding they should respect your boundaries Let them know again they are welcome to come, but just mom and dad not the weird stranger that they f#$k.

Cursd818 wrote:

NTA. It's pretty despicable of your parents to behave this way. And honestly, I would be extremely uncomfortable that they are sleeping with someone my age who is living in my childhood room. That's a level of creepy I'd never get over.

sjw_7 wrote:

NTA. The relationship your parents have with Dave is between them and him, not you and him. It's your wedding and you get to choose who you invite not your parents. People don't have to say yes to attending but nobody should be able to force someone to be there that the couple doesn't want.

Sensitive_Orchid9773 wrote:

NTA. It's your wedding and if this person makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to put up with his presence. Too bad for them that their toy boy is more important than your wedding.


I'd argue if this were a normal polycule situation, but with the guy being your age and living in your room. Eww, no. 'No mom and dad, I don't want the guy that makes me feel like you want to f@#k me, at my wedding. Please respect this.'

It's decided: OP is for sure NTA, and his parents are being massively selfish.

Sources: Reddit
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