Few events dredge up longstanding sibling tensions quite like a wedding. The gathering of extended family and friends, the pageantry, and the reminiscing - it can all reinforce well-established emotional dynamics for better or worse.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for hosting an after-party in his hotel room after the wedding. He wrote:
My sister (31F) got married last weekend. As is customary with most weddings, they also hosted a post-reception after-party that close friends and younger family members were invited to. My husband and I (32M, 27M) were invited but we turned it down — our sons were sleeping back in our hotel suite with a babysitter and we weren’t really prepared for more loud music and drunken antics.
As we were heading out of the venue and chatting with some cousins + mutual friends between me and the newlyweds, we all agreed on how we kind of just wanted to chill out and maybe have one or two more drinks before the night was over. I offered to let them come back to our hotel room as long as everyone agreed to stay relatively quiet.
My husband, myself, and six others came back to our room. We all shared a bottle of wine, talked until about 1 A.M., then they left and we went to sleep. I woke up today - a week later - and had received a text from my sister saying she didn’t appreciate that I hosted an “after party” of my own.
Four out of the six people that joined us in our hotel room were ones who had been invited out with my sister and her husband, so she accused me of stealing her guests— apparently only three people went out with them. She’s also upset that I clued the non-invitees into the fact that there was an afterparty at all.
I explained the vibes were totally different and the guests I “stole” likely wouldn’t have joined her anyway. Still, she’s upset with me and claimed I was pulling my “typical golden child antics” by “stealing her thunder.” My mom says she sees both sides so I’d just like some outside perspective. AITA?
YTA. If you and your husband decided not to join the afterparty, that’s fine. All you had to do was to turn it down and chill by yourselves or however you and your husband wanted to end the night.
But you actually INVITED other people to join you when they had the choice to go do their own chill night cap or join your sisters’ afterparty. As you said, you “offered to let them come back to our hotel room”. You literally hosted your own afterparty. Not cool.
YTA. Not wanting to attend her afterparty, fine. I get that. Cracking a bottle with your hubby back at the hotel, fine. Inviting guests to your party when they're already invited to hers, as part of her wedding celebration, is not fine. You did exactly what she accused you of. You could be right and those folks may have not gone to her shindig no matter what, but this was really poor behavior.
YTA sorry but if you wanted to catch up with these people and party, you should’ve either stayed for the after party or gotten together the next day. Doing this the way you did was tacky and excluded your sister on her wedding day. Look at it this way, you are having a birthday party and a large group of your friends decide with, your sister prompting, that they were going to go have a party and not invite you.
You would feel like crap for that and that’s just a birthday. As for the golden child comment, you said yourself that your parents always celebrated you for the three As (athletics, arts, academics). That’s where she was feeling second best and then you decided on her wedding day, to throw a party with some of her friends. I can definitely see how that would make her feel second best again.
Apologize to her and I would suggest working on your relationship with her if you want to have one. It’s usually is situations like this where someone goes LC/NC for their own mental health.
YTA. Who goes to a wedding decides to leave then invites wedding guests to leave with them? Never mind your own sibling's wedding. I feel so sorry for her. Even on her wedding day, you couldn't allow her to be center of attention.
For her own sake, she's better off doing her own thing in life and having little to do with you or her parents. Who couldn't even acknowledge your piss poor behaviour on her wedding day.
YTA- catch up with your old friends later. It sounds like there wasn’t a huge party after the reception, since you say only a few ppl went with the BRIDE your SISTER. YTA for not even sucking it up and going for one 15-minute nightcap, not only stealing your sister’s thunder. Sometimes you should suck it up and be a good sibling/person.
How would these ppl “see” your sleeping children? And I’m sure 8 adults were oh so quiet. You could have had them over after the party if you wanted to catch up.
OP is definitely TA here, and if this situation reflects their sibling dynamic at large - it's no wonder his sister calls him the golden child.