Man refuses to attend sister's wedding after she insults his wife; family is upset.

"AITA for not going to my sister's wedding?"

I (31 M) have been married to my wonderful wife (33 F) for a year. My sister (33 F) is getting married October first. I'm happy for her, but I'm not attending the wedding. Sister is one of the angriest people I've ever met. Mom brushes it off because sister's a tiny blonde who weighs 105 lbs soaking wet, but she has rages that can last for days.

If you do something she disapproves of, she'll scream and sob and break things. It's been this way our whole lives, and she's never once faced consequences or admitted to wrongdoing. Well, if you can’t guess from the fact that I'm posting here, I did something she didn't like, and her response led me to block her on everything.

If I'm the AH for doing this, I'm ready to accept my judgment. But I think I made the right decision. I'm the only boy in my family. When I married wife, I took her last name. I did it for practical reasons: my last name was hard to pronounce/spell, and hers is a word. Think "Jessica Rabbit" or "Grace Slick." That's my wife.

She never has to spell it out or help pronounce it, and ever since I took her name, I've been significantly happier. I work on a construction site, and even the meat-heads there said, "Wow, that's much easier. Good call."

Sister--who didn't attend my wedding, FTR--was absolutely furious when I told her. Screamed at me, called my wife an "emasculating ab*sive b@#$h," said she was going to start calling me "Mrs.", and that wife's not invited to the wedding. I said if wife isn't invited then I'm not invited--we're a package deal.

Sister told us both to f$%k off, and I thought that was the end of it. We didn't speak for months, but then a wedding invitation arrived in the mail. It was addressed to me. Just me, using my old name. No acknowledgment of my new name or my wife. I swear, if Sister had simply addressed the invitation to "Mr. and Mrs. New Name," I would've taken it as a sign that she felt remorse.

Wife agrees that the gesture would have gone a long way. But instead, Sister decided to toss in what felt like a final petty dig. I told Sister we would only attend if she apologized for calling my wife a b#$%h. She refused, accused us of giving her an ultimatum, and said we were "punishing her for having an opinion."

I no longer care that it's my sister's wedding--I refuse to subject my wife to what will surely be an ab*sive trainwreck. Now that the wedding is only a few weeks away, my family's been hounding me nonstop. They don't understand how I could miss my sister's big day, and they think she can't be held accountable for her actions because planning a wedding is stressful. AITA?

People did not hold back their thoughts about OP's sister.

Youwhooo60 wrote:

NTA. Mark that piece of mail "UNKNOWN RETURN TO SENDER" and send it right back to her.

loverlyone wrote:

“Miss my sister’s big day” Ugh why would you want to go? She is insufferable and mean. Family doesn’t obligate you to endlessly be ab*sed. NTA.

reaper03usmc wrote:

NTA. If your sister behaves like this then I'm sure you will be able to attend one of her future weddings. It will only be a matter of time before she ruins her spouses life and ends up alone.

PeppermintGoddess wrote:

NTA. This is one of those cases where the family is hoping the sane reasonable person will suck up all the BS so that they can pretend everything is lovely. Your sister sounds like a horror. Neither you nor your wife deserve to be treated that way.

I would have no interest in having a relationship with your sister, but I do love the way you are sticking up for your wife. That part is outstanding! You are definitely NTA.

FuzzyMom2005 wrote:

NTA. I wouldn't go either. This is classic narcissistic behavior by your sister. Besides, technically, the invite wasn't really addressed to you, was it?

After the post quickly became popular, OP's wife goldencain1410 jumped on with her thoughts:

Hi all, I'm OP's wife. Our engagement post is here if you want to see.

Husband told me he was going to post this--I was totally aware of everything said above. I just wanted to add a couple of notes that he couldn't fit in the post:

• I also think not going to the wedding is the right decision, though I would have gone if he'd asked me to. Just in case anyone thinks I told him not to go.

• It was his idea to take my name, and I support that 100%. I've listened to people butcher his old name for five years, and it's exhausting even as a bystander. However, I should say I was never planning on changing mine, and we're not going to have children. So, Sister's issue with the only "heir" changing his name is pretty moot. The family lineage was going to end one way or another.

• Husband sounds very resolute in the post, but we went back and forth on this for weeks. Sister involved his mom, and Mom begged him not to make her go alone. He was going to do it for her, but then Mom asked him if he really wanted to go, and he couldn't lie. So, Mom told him not to attend as well.

• Since all this went down, their other sibling has also decided not to attend the wedding.

I think that's everything. Thanks for reading.

Clearly, OP is NTA, he's just dealing with a nightmare of a sister.