There are times when you simply must say no, no matter what the emotional fallout is.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for refusing to make his SIL a wedding dress. He wrote:
I (27M) have loved making stuff since I was a kid and I've worked with everything from wood to paint to welding and even fabric, which is what this situation concerns. I made my wife's dress since she couldn't find one that fit her, her style, and our budget. It wasn't my first time making clothes but I certainly wasn't an expert (nor am I now for that matter).
However, the dress turned out amazing and everyone complimented it on our wedding day. Most were surprised I was the one who made it, but my SIL (Sara 25F) was extremely offput when she found out. She took my wife aside during the reception to ask if she was really ok marrying a guy who made dresses and apparently made some homophobic remarks (my wife told me all this the day after).
Ever since, Sara has been rather cold to me and treats me like I have the plague, like she isn't outright mean but she doesn't talk directly to me aside from pleasantries. It kinda hurts but whatever, I don't generally see her since she lives in another state. Sara recently got engaged to her bf of 3 years and asked me to make her a dress.
I have made wedding dresses for a few friends and a couple of my wife's cousins, but I don't really want to make one for her. She's offered to pay me for my work but that's not the issue, it feels like she likes my work but doesn't respect me, hell even disrespects me, for making dresses.
I told her this and that I knew about the remarks she made on my wedding day and she got mad, saying I'm being a d*ck for holding something that happened years ago over her. I brushed it off but my wife's family is hounding me about it, saying I shouldn't deny her the dress when I've done it for other family members.
I came here though since my dad told me I was being an idiot and to just take the money. My wife supports me no matter what I decide. AITA?
NTA. Omg, OP, please don’t do this. She’s already standoffish and disdains you. She is going to be a nightmare. She’s the type to work with you, agree on a design, let you do the mock-up…then tell you three weeks later that she has a different vision.
Rinse, lather, repeat, followed by crocodile tears about you ruining The Most Important Day of Her Life because you “refused” to listen to what she wanted. Tell the people harassing you to chip in and pay somebody else. Her a**holery, and that of everyone enabling her, is infuriating to my little seamstress heart.
NTA. But for your own sake... I vote DO NOT make her a dress!!! Aside from the disrespectful comments she made about you to your wife(on her wedding day-who does that??) She has continued being dismissive and disrespectful to you.
If you do this, nothing will change except she will feel superior for being able to get you to do what she wants and you will feel worse, when even after you make her a dress she still continues being a B* to you! Why put yourself through all that? You owe her nothing. And your family needs to understand that what Sarah thinks about you , and what she said to your wife was unacceptable!
I'm nuclear...I'd literally make a FB post spilling everything and lamenting the nerve and audacity she has to come back after no apology in years. And yeah maybe you are holding it over her after years..but even hearing all that she didn't apologize!?
To H*ll with that!! And her! No dress for Sarah the bully! Personally, I'd book yourself and your wife a vacation away the day of the wedding if I was you ;) Good luck in whatever you decide 🌻
NTA. Even professionals have the right to refuse someone their service. You would be doing this as a favour (paid or not paid, doesn't matter, it is not your job thus it is a favor). Reading this, she didn't even apologize when you called her out on her remarks. I am sorry the in-laws are on her side. What about your wife?
"She pulled my wife aside in the middle of our wedding to call me a homophobic slur for making the wedding dress. You are welcome to make a dress for her if it's very important for her to have one that's handmade."
Anyone who pushed back on that straight up doesn't respect you. Also, she was def going to stiff you on the bill. NTA.
Can I just point something out to you? She insulted you to your wife and said some extremely cruel things about you, which made it back to you. (What the hell did she expect? She told your wife.) And even though you did nothing to her, she treated you like s#$t since then.
Then, when she needs a favor, you, quite appropriately, confront her on what she said. Does she fall all over herself apologizing to you? Does she promise to make it up to you? Does she say she’s grown since then and concede what an awful person she was? No, apparently, she still had nothing but disdain for you. Because it’s not her fault for saying what she said.
You’re just being a dick, according to her, because you remembered it. Does this woman take responsibility for anything she does? Or does she somehow think that her horrible misdeeds have a statute of limitations? Tell her to f#$k off and tell your dad if it’s so important to him, he can make her dress. NTA.
OP is NTA, not in any way at all.