Originally I was going to help my son in his girlfriend Sammie 19 for their wedding giving them money because both work at a restaurant for minimum wage. So far my relationship with Sammie was ok but I noticed she has a habit if buying clothes outside of her means. I see her with those YSL bags and she wears Golden Goose sneakers.
Wedding dress shopping because a nightmare when she insists on a 10k dress while I went with her mother and the bridesmaids. I asked her doesn’t that seem excessive for the small wedding you are having and she said since I’m paying for the weddings I can afford the dress I want.
Her getting a 10k dress defeats my whole purpose of paying for the wedding because I didn’t want my son to be in a boat load of debt.
It started as an argument with her mother about how her daughter is a princess and I said no her daughter works at Chili’s and doesn’t even have a high school education while my son has been taking classes at community college so he doesn’t take out a dreaded student loan. (I also pay for that)
Everyone was extremely angry with me after that and I told my son I no longer support his marriage and I will take the wedding funds for his education but please don’t marry Sammie.
He hasn’t been talking to me saying he loves her and it was really awful of me to withdraw money from the weddings because Sammie and her mom put the downpayment of the dress on Sammie’s mom credit card.
As of right now if I don’t help with the wedding I’m not invited if I do not help with paying for it. My son is acting stupid about the whole thing and I don’t know how to talk some sense into him without being an even bigger a-hole.
NTA. Don’t give them a cent. Why would you do anything to encourage or make getting married easier for a couple of teenagers?! The odds of it ending well are not high. I have an 18.5 year old…. It’s way too young.
I had that conversation about him finishing his education first but they insist they want to be married now. I don’t know what else to do.
Don’t do a thing. You can’t stop them obviously. Just be nice and polite. But don’t encourage it.
NTA You have worked hard to teach your son to be financially responsible and he's marrying a child who has zero intention of living within her means. She's been enabled by her mother to believe that someone else is responsible for providing everything she wants.
Unfortunately, your son is young and blinded by "love". The only thing you can do is continue to invest in him and his education. Talk to him about their short and intermediate plans. How do they plan on supporting themselves?
Is he planning to move into her mom's house while he finishes school or will he be dropping out of college to earn enough to feed them? You might consider giving him/ them a financial planning course and a round of premarital counseling. Money is the second most commonly cited reason for divorce. The first is infidelity and your future DIL sounds ripe for cheating with someone who is better off than your son.
NTA. A teenager working minimum wage should not be getting married and definitely not in a $10k dress. This "marriage" has disaster written all over it.
NTA. It sounds like Sammie is going to lead your son into financial ruin. You can try to educate him now, but I agree with you. It would be dumb to give them money for this wedding. Save it for when they need more important things.