The last thing you want on your wedding day is to be surrounded by people you don't trust. Sadly, that means sometimes you have to cut people out last minute just to ensure the vibes are right.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for kicking out her maid of honor just five days before the wedding. She wrote:
I’m (23F) getting married in a couple of days. Most of this is in the last two weeks. My MOH (26F), M, was in charge of planning my bachelorette party, which I wanted to be a surprise. We live in a city, but none of us live downtown, so I was hoping for a hotel room downtown and having a fun night out with friends, maybe a brunch. Most of the bridal party live locally, but two girls flew in for it.
When M picked me up 2 weeks ago on Friday, I was excited to see where we were going and what we were doing. We ended up going to M’s 1 bedroom townhome and spent the whole weekend there. There are 8 of us, so it was cramped and we kept running into issues with only 1 bathroom.
On Friday night we had games and ordered pizza, Saturday we had a mimosa bar, went shopping, ordered food, and watched a movie, before parting ways on Sunday. It wasn’t the bachelorette party of my dreams, or a particularly fun weekend, but it was ok, and I appreciated it.
Last weekend, my fiancé (32m), J, had just returned from a work trip. I hadn’t caught him up to speed on the party, because there wasn’t much to report. But when he returned, we were chatting and I told him about the party. He looked confused but said nothing else that evening. The next day, I got a message from M asking to meet up to talk about “something.”
M revealed that J had given her a significant amount of money over a year ago, with the intention that it was used to pay for a bachelorette party. It would have been enough to pay for the entire bridal party to do a week-long vacation out of town, including airfare, hotel, food, drinks, and fun.
I wasn’t expecting this type of event; a weekend downtown would have been wonderful, and even though the party at her home wasn’t what I hoped for, I was fine with it because I got to be with all of my friends. She, instead, used the money to pay off credit card debt and hoped that no one would notice. I told her I needed some time to process and went home.
After talking with J about it, I decided, that the best action would be to remove her from the wedding. I came to this decision because I don’t feel I can trust her and don’t want her to be standing next to me at my wedding. I slept on it overnight and sent her a text saying this on Monday.
Since then, I have been getting texts from her mom and boyfriend telling me how awful I am for doing this since I didn’t need a big party and M was able to financially benefit. My mom is also against removing her from the wedding, as she’s like a sister to our family and it would be tragic for me to get married without M there.
The rest of the bridal party is split, with half saying I shouldn’t have kicked her out and the other half agreeing with me. M has called me crying because she already has her dress (J and I paid for all dresses) and she can’t wear it anywhere else. At this point, I want the wedding to be over with so I can be on my honeymoon and not have to deal with these people. So, was my action too extreme? AITA?
NTA. She STOLE MONEY from you essentially and it sounds like it was a decent chunk of money too. I would honestly have a stern talking to with your mom and maybe cut off people that are taking her side. This is ridiculous that anyone wouldn’t immediately be on your side after she misappropriated money meant for your bachelorette.
She also obviously knew it was wrong because she told you out of guilt.
ETA: Stealing $25,000 is insane. Put her on blast to everyone and file a police report. She also only told you because she was pressured. Cut contact and let the law handle it at this point.
NTA. Make sure your family understands that this 'beloved sister' has become a conniving thief. You can't trust her as she's already proven to be a betrayer of trust. I'm sorry you lost a dear friend over this. You could choose to forgive her. But you can wait as long as you need to do so and it's not required. I hope you have a great wedding! Good luck.
NTA and everyone sucks but you and your fiance/husband now. I'd be taking notes regarding who is defending her actions here. Please get rid of anyone on that list and sue her for your husband's money. I'm actually angry and I don't even know you!
NTA. Have to say it took a turn there and I started out leaning the other way thinking it was going to be about how the bachelorette party turned out! Your decision is big but it is yours to make, and it seems like you have really thought it out and its about how you and J are going to feel on your wedding, which takes priority.
Really, your wedding day is kind of the only day of your life that's really all about you and your partner. I'm sure it would affect him at the wedding too (and what a sweet gift he attempted to give).
Tell your family and bridal party that this has already put a cloud over your wedding, let alone broken a very important relationship to you, and request them to respect your (very understandable) feelings about this, your decision about your wedding, and move on. And remember M is the one who caused this. Not you. Finally who cares about the dress she didn't pay for? That's all she can say for herself?
NTA. The word to describe M is THIEF. Your fiancé gave her a chunk of change for one purpose and she stole it. And how stupid is M to think you wouldn’t tell your fiancé? As to her mother and boyfriend essentially saying how you got a party you should be thankful for and besides it helped M benefit financially - DUH thieves always benefit financially.
And no you do not want a thief standing up with you as your MOH. If M ever had a key to your place get the locks changed.
OP is NTA in any way, the whole internet has her back on this.