"My mother ruined my wedding and we haven't spoken since."
I want to share what happened at my wedding in September 2024. It's something I have been processing ever since and feel like I am continually being gaslit that I'm overreacting.
This is what the timeline of my wedding was supposed to be:
- Reception begins with grand entrance and transitions directly into bride and groom's first dance
- After first dance folks find their seats, speeches begin
- Once speeches are over, dinner begins
- Parents Dances (Father/Daughter and Mother/Son)
- Cake cutting and opening of dance floor
The day started beautifully. The grand entrance went smoothly, the first dance happened, and we were both nervous but proud of how it went. The speeches followed, some funny, some emotional, some a mix of both. I cried through most of them. It was exactly what you hope that part of the day feels like.
Then it was time for dinner.
I had barely eaten all day. One of my only real priorities going into the reception was to sit down, eat, and get to greet our guests.
My husband and I had just started making the rounds when my mother approached our table and told me the music was boring, that it was too slow and folky, and that people wanted to dance. I acknowledged it and moved on. Or tried to.
What I didn't know at the time was that my mother had also gone up to one of my bridesmaids and told her to go tell the DJ to "stop playing so much stupid, slow folk music." My bridesmaid came and found me instead, and took me outside with another friend to decompress.
My mother followed us outside. She told me that everyone was complaining, that no one was having fun, that people were bored. She implied I wasn't moving through the timeline fast enough, the cake, the dances, opening the dance floor.
I told her, clearly and calmly, that I was trying to eat dinner and say hello to our guests. Her response was that she was just telling me what people were saying. She was eventually brought back inside by other guests who recognized what was happening.
What I found out later was that while I was outside, my mother had opened the dance floor herself, without us, and confused guests had started to join her. Two of my friends physically blocked the dance floor to hold the space until my husband and I could re-enter on our own terms.
The DJ staff were shaken. They told my friends she had said she "paid for this." My friends were coordinating in real time to keep her away from me. I made the decision to cut the cake privately, without announcement, and to do the scheduled dances just to get through them. I didn't want to be there anymore. I did them anyway.
Later in the evening, as my husband and I were walking together, my mother intercepted us and asked to speak with me privately outside. My bridesmaid tried to follow as a buffer and had a hand held up at her.
Outside, my mother told me that I had been disrespectful, that I had talked down to people, that guests were outside getting high because they were so bored, that the music was my fault, and that she had paid a significant amount of money for this wedding.
None of it was true. My friends confirmed that.
The guests were having a good time. No one was complaining. It was just her.
After that, my friends formed a quiet wall and didn't let her near me again for the rest of the night. My mother and father left early. My friends and I went to the bathroom, came back out, and danced.
I asked my parents for space for my husband and I to process everything that had happened. It was a few months later that I received an email from them placing the blame entirely on me. It read very much as a prosecution rather than a reconciliation, but that's a whole other story. Thanks for listening to my rant.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NC sounds like a great idea.
Wow. Your mom was acting strange and finding fault with you all day. I would be really angry with her. Whatever was going on is her problem. She needs accountability.
Your friends who stood up to her... They are your family now. I came to terms that my family is who I decide to be given that title, and it doesn't go to my blood relatives. My sister that I chose is a much better sister than my blood one.
The upside of this is knowing you have such awesome friends! Sorry your mother is a nut job. Although my mom never interfered in my life once I became an adult, growing up in her house she was always too busy with her Golden Child.
When I planned my wedding it didn't even occur to me to include her in anything. I don't think she cared though. I would ignore your mothers emails for now and just enjoy your life.
She sounds like a bad person. NC will not only be a good thing for you but for your husband, future children, and anyone else who happens to be around when she’s visiting.