Woman's stepsister says fiancé should be hers, she says 'you deserve nothing.'
'AITA for telling my stepsister no one cared about her wedding after she wouldn’t stop comparing it to mine?'
I (23f) have a stepsister, Maggie (27F), whose mother Miranda is married to my dad. I grew up mainly with my mother and stepfather so didn’t see Miranda or Maggie that often.
Also, Maggie and Miranda have a massive chip on their shoulders about my dad’s extended family so they stopped coming to most group things and I spent a lot of time staying with my grandparent during holidays, so I saw them even less.
For various reasons, most of my dad’s family has converged on the same area in the last couple of years so we see each other more often.
Maggie got married last year, and I am getting married this summer. The weddings are not close together and not comparable in terms of venue, size, aesthetic, literally anything, but that hasn’t stopped Maggie comparing them incessantly.
She’s annoyed that my dad offered to pay for mine (I refused) but didn’t for hers. She’s mad that I’m wearing heirloom jewellery for my wedding that she wasn’t offered. She’s mad that extended family will be attending my wedding when they didn’t attend hers.
She has gone so far as to say that she should have married my fiancé since she’s closer in age to him and they “skipped” her (she believes my marriage was arranged). It seems to boil down to that she didn’t get the wedding she wanted gratis, and she’s still bitter about it.
About a week ago, the family (grandparents, dad, Miranda, Maggie + husband, aunt, cousin + wife, me + fiancé) had dinner. The subject of a family member came up and their accommodation for the wedding and Maggie chimed to say how nice it was that they were able to make it to mine because they were too busy to come to hers.
No one acknowledged what she’d said so she started to talk about the excuse they’d given at a stupidly loud volume so that everyone had to listen. I’m not a confrontational person but a mix of wine and exhaustion took over and I said, “no one cared about your wedding a year ago, and they’re not going to start today, so please just spare us”.
There was an awkward silence until everyone moved on, but Maggie started crying and quietly left the table and eventually went home.
My dad says she is too humiliated to talk to anyone and probably won’t come to the wedding. My dad is pressuring me to apologise because Miranda is giving him a hard time, as is Maggie.
He says I knew how much it hurt Maggie that a lot of the family was not part of her wedding and while she has taken it too far, I went for the jugular and I didn’t need to, because she wasn’t being disparaging to me, she was just inappropriately expressing bottled up feelings.
To me, it felt like she was using my important life event to draw attention to herself which felt unfair and mean spirited, which is why I reacted the way I did. That said, it seems like she’s not brushing off my comment as easily as I did hers so I’m wondering if I took it too far.
Here were the top comments from readers:
NTA. I understand why she would be upset if people did not attend her wedding, but to keep bringing it up is overkill. I am confused about why she thought it was okay to bring up her wedding while the family was discussing Op's wedding then she wants to be shocked when Op finally claps back.
NTA- She’s angry that her stepfather’s extended family wasn’t excited about her wedding? I assume her mother also has a family. You also said neither of them go to family events on your dad’s side often. Why does she want people she doesn’t have in her life at her special day?
I’m getting married fairly soon and chose to only invite people who have made an effort to be in my life.
Unkind isn't a good look on anyone. A person can't get under your skin unless you allow it.
NTA for what you said and here is why…So Miranda removed herself and Maggie from the extended family. You don’t really see M&M yourself. The family that Miranda removed herself and Maggie from that you are a part of will all be there for your wedding and Maggie can’t handle it.
Maggie is living the result of Miranda’s choices and you shouldn’t constantly have to feel like it’s your fault every time you have to be around them. Did you go too far, yeah maybe bc it’s obvious Maggie is feeling left out but they need to direct that loss to her mom and not you. You don’t deserve the shit for her moms choices
ESH. The family should have been nicer to her, she shouldn't have kept going on and on about it (especially the part that she should have married your husband), and you could have been more diplomatic.
Tell your dad exactly this. To me, it felt like she was using my important life event to draw attention to herself which felt unfair and mean spirited, which is why I reacted the way I did. That said, it seems like she’s not brushing off my comment as easily as I did hers so I’m wondering if I took it too far.
Ask him WHY she needs to compare ANYTHING at all and WHY can't she just be happy? Ask him WHY does SHE need to have an apology be given when YOU didn't get an apology for the way she has been bullying you? Harassing you about something that has NOTHING to do with you.
Your marriages are TWO SEPARATE EVENTS. As you put it...
'The weddings are not close together and not comparable in terms of venue, size, aesthetic, literally anything, but that hasn’t stopped Maggie comparing them incessantly.'
Ask your dad WHY she hasn't gotten therapy for whatever she has going on? Ask him when is she going to get over her jealousy and why should you have to apologize for her being jealous. Ask him WHY you should apologize for an issue SHE has with extended family that she is taking out on you?
Ask him where is the apology for that? Do you get one for that? Are you not entitled to an apology for being torn apart for something YOU are not involved in at all? Ask him WHY you don't get an apology for her bringing you into bs drama?
Maggie took it too far and you put an END to it. As you should have because he and her mother were not up to it. Inform him the ONLY one who should apologize is her to everyone else for the constant whining. That if she is not happy with her lifestyle that is entirely on her and HER CHOICES.
If Miranda continues to give him a hard time then he needs to handle his own wife and leave you out of it. Any bottled up feelings Maggie has she needs to stop drowning others in the despair of them. The slap of reality you gave to her was needed because in the real world no one cares. NTA