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Parent pays for daughter's wedding and not son's, 'I already helped raise your kid.'

Parent pays for daughter's wedding and not son's, 'I already helped raise your kid.'


One of the most impossible tasks of parenting is being able to find and strike a balance of 'fairness' between your kids. No matter how much you may want to, evenly distributing emotional availability and resources is not as simple as it sounds. Especially when life comes at you fast with all sorts of curve balls.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, the OP asked if they're wrong for paying for their daughter's wedding but not their son's.

They wrote:

AITA for paying for my daughter's wedding but not my son's?

To make a long story short my son was a teen dad. His girlfriend at the time got pregnant right after they graduated high school and I practically raised their baby girl up until they both graduated college and got jobs. During this time I had my full focus on my grandchild which caused me to very stupidly not pay enough attention to my daughter. We’ve made up since and I’ve been making up for lost time with her.

The issue is I’m paying for her wedding but I never paid anything for my son's. I felt like I’d already done and spent more than enough for their family that there was no reason for me to. I got them a good gift and a chunk of change and deemed it enough.

He’s been causing issues with me and his sister about this and has been slandering us on Facebook saying it’s unfair how I’m paying for her wedding but not his. I understand feeling a bit bitter but I’ve spent way more money keeping his family and him afloat than I have on my daughter's wedding.

Honestly, paying for her wedding doesn’t even seem enough for what I did. I don’t know how to feel right now and I would greatly appreciate it if anyone could give me feedback on this.

The jury of the internet adjourned.

Select-Anxiety-1557 wrote:


Tell them you used his wedding fund to raise their child for them.

Moon-Queen95 wrote:

NTA. Add up how much you’ve spent taking care of him and his daughter and say if he wants you to pay for his wedding, he can pay you back for everything you’ve done for him.

Life_Is_Good199 wrote:

NTA. Your son sounds very entitled and terribly immature. You provided much more support than most teen parents receive from their families. You raised your grandchild allowing him the opportunity to go to college, receive an education, and presumably be in a better position to provide a good life for his daughter. Again, this is a luxury that many teen parents never get to realize.

It is time for your son to start adulting. He is a father with responsibilities and that starts with paying for his own wedding. Time to let him make it on his own and start giving time back to your own daughter.

dazed1984 wrote:

NTA. You raised their kid for years and now he’s whining that you didn’t pay for his wedding? Wow, that is some level of ungrateful. Sorry he can’t see the value in what you did for him.

Jujulabee wrote:

NTA since you more than compensated sons by the time you put into helping them AND the money. Also FWIW, traditionally it is the bride's parents who pay for the wedding - rehearsal dinner is traditionally hosted by the groom's parents.

Obviously, this is tradition and no need to follow tradition as people now fund weddings every different way but OP *could* remind sons of this tradition as well as the fact that OP gave time and money to sons and not daughter who was neglected.

Clearly, OP is NTA, but the son in question, well he's a giant one.

Sources: Reddit
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