Bride bans SIL for refusing to show dress before wedding. PHOTOS + UPDATE

"AITAH for wearing a white dress on my birthday 2 weeks before BIL and his fiancé are getting married?"

DiscussionAwkward291

I don’t know if I can include the dress but Thursday was my 40th birthday. I usually don’t celebrate birthdays, my husband just makes me dinner and give me a present and then my mom invites me for breakfast and gives me a present from the whole family.

But when I turned 20 and 30 I had a bigger party and now, too. I invited immediate family and my closest friends. The party was yesterday and it was a great day. I’m so hungover now. I noticed that BIL (husbands brother) and his fiancé were a bit standoffish but my soon to be SIL is always standoffish with me so nothing new.

Today my husband woke up to a long text message berating us because I wore a white dress. They’re getting married in 2 weeks and I should have known better. Tbh I swear on my grandma’s grave that I didn’t think about any of this.

SIL thinks that I always wear inappropriate clothes that draw attention to me so now she’s demanding to see what I will be wearing at her wedding. I asked if they’re asking everyone. No, just me. I said then I refuse.

Now they say I’m an AH for wearing white and then for refusing to show the dress I’m wearing to the wedding. Threatening to disinvite my husband and I. My husband is conflicted. I don’t know. I think I’d rather have my husband go alone than be treated like a child. Am I the AH for wearing white to my party?

And am I the AH for refusing to show my dress for the wedding?

my birthday dress: link

the dress for the wedding: link

Here were a few of the top comments on the original post.

AStudyinViolet

Everyone know you can't wear white for 3 months leading up to any wedding, you monster. /s NTA

Active-Edlerberry-13

Even if you were wearing a wedding dress to your OWN birthday party you’d never be TA. Why would your birthday party even be about your BIL and SIL 😅

You’re definitely NTA. I think some screws fell loose in those petty brains of your BIL and SIL to even care about this. The dresses both look amazing

Cream-of-Mushroom

Nta. She's a bridezilla (do people still say that lol). 2 weeks before is ridiculous. Also it's your husband's brother's fiancee, rather tenuous link, not really even family or someone you'll see much of.

CommonEarly4706

she is a self absorbed nut and is making everything about her. It’s your birthday two weeks before their wedding. Nothing to do with them. They are being ridiculous

Vegetable-Fix-4702

NTA. Holy cow. I can't imagine what kind of mind twisting arguments that couple will have after getting married. Crazy alert, coming in hot.

A day later, OP returned with an update.

'Update on my situation with FSIL [future sister in law] and the dress I’m wearing to her wedding'

Ok, so I was very surprised about the amount of support I got! Thank you because I was starting to doubt myself.

I just want to make it clear that the only one I care about right now is my husband and his feelings because somehow I felt that he is in the middle of the crossfire right now. So I talked to him and apologized for my pettiness.

He was surprised and said that I had nothing to apologize for. Requesting to only “approve” of my dress out of the 270 guests is insulting and disrespectful. You don’t do that to family.

So I told him that maybe I shouldn’t go to the wedding after all. SIL never liked me anyway and I’m sure I’m only invited because she can’t not. She’d be happy if I didn’t attend (the whole thing felt like she was finding an excuse to disinvite me). My husband then can go and be there for his brother. Everybody wins.

My husband called my BIL to tell him that I couldn’t come and he will be attending by himself. BIL said ok cool. Problem solved right? No. No

FSIL texted me saying that I “needed to show her the dress and refusing to show her means that she is right and I have chosen something inappropriate and trashy”. I texted back “Oh, I thought you’ve spoken to your fiancé, I won’t be attending”

She texted an hour later “Yes, I have spoken to my fiancé. If you remember from yesterday, none of you are welcome if you don’t show me the dress. So if you still refuse, neither you nor [my husband’s name] can attend”

I talked to my husband now and he literally had no words. He said to stop texting FSIL and that he will fix this. So I’m staying the hell out of this😅

Edit: there are a lot of confusion here about how we are related.

Me: 40f / My husband: 40m / My BIL (my husband’s older brother): 46m / My FSIL (my husband’s older brother’s fiancé): 28f

Here was the reaction to the escalation.

Arrouk

So he's gonna call bro and let him know that she uninvited him. I bet that works out well for her.

wwhateverr

No one should be attending this wedding, not even the BIL.

Yazzok2021

Your SIL is unreasonable, burning with envy, and the extent she took this is just pathetic. Both the white BD dress ( which you had every right to wear to your own birthday) and your wedding reception dress are gorgeous, but I believe your dresses are not the issue here but rather her inferiority complex.

Good luck to your BIL, and if he's as pathetic as his soon to be wife, good luck to all of you dealing with them.

Afraid-Tea-5745

You should send her a pic of your dress worn by your husband. She is crazy. But also BIL should date women his age.

Available-Seesaw-492

HA! knew it. She's so young! She's mad you're 40 and hot isn't she?

DancinginHyrule

I’m only here to say that I’m also super envious of you being able to wear that birthday dress. Damn girl 😆

Separate_Kick3186

You have courtside seats of the incoming divorce. Get your popcorn and enjoy, nobody survives long with this level of crazy.

ArmChairDetective84

Chick is about to marry an almost 50 year old man and she isn’t even 30. she’s about to have way bigger problems in a few years .

Happycatlady1982

Still NTA and just to expand on my comments on the original post I'd not be sending her pictures of a wedding dress you'd be wearing to your vow renewal with your husband on the same day as her wedding seeing as neither of you are busy that day, seems like the perfect time !!

Sufficient-Mess-1653

Woman, you must be stunning for her to be hating this hard…. And being 12 years her senior? You’re doing EVERYTHING right. Best wishes to BIL, he’s got a complicated order on his hands.

And finally, a final update: after the wedding.

'Update: My husband didn’t attend his brother’s wedding and SIL is now telling everyone that I have ruined her day'

Ok, yesterday was the wedding (for concept please read my other posts). SIL was still adamant that I show her my dress if either of my husband and I would attend even though I told her that I wasn’t going.

BIL told my husband that he was being an AH not giving his wife, a bride, what she wanted which was a simple request (no matter how silly you think she’s being, you should have been the bigger person and not engage in this petty business is what BIL told my husband).

My husband said that he didn’t want to go to the wedding either. SIL still texted me and demanded I send her the pictures, even though we are officially uninvited now. She called me attention wh*&e.

My other SIL (that is the sister of my husband and BIL), heard of all this. She went through with her plan even if I begged her to just ignore it (my husband told me to stay out of it since it’s none of our business anymore) but she went through with her plans.

She told the other women who were invited what happened and to dress in short dresses and even some showed up in white. I think it was so easy to pull because none of my husband’s family like SIL or BIL for that matter.

SIL spent the wedding angry and crying and at times refused to leave the restroom demanding her husband to kick out his sister among others. The sister and a few others left before dinner was served. BIL&SIL got toasters from at least 50 of the couples they invited.

I have also found out that at my birthday, my husband surprised me with a designer bag and a trip to Milano that we’re taking at the end of this month. SIL thought that it was a direct insult to her because she loves Italy and her husband refused to plan a honeymoon since the wedding would cost him a fortune and he couldn’t afford a honeymoon too.

So she thought I stole her honeymoon. MIL called me demanding that I should fix what I ruined by giving my birthday gifts to SIL (MIL offered to pay for name change on the reservations). My husband was livid hearing this because he’s planned out this for months.

Now SIL is saying I have ruined her wedding by being in cahoots with my other SIL and the rest of her family. I intentionally had a big party to ruin her wedding party. I wore white so I would look the main character in the pictures and I stole her honeymoon dream.

I wasn’t. I even begged other SIL to forget this whole thing and not to make more drama on SIL’s wedding but here we are. I have blocked SIL &BIL because I don’t want any more problems.

Edit: I forgot to add a thank you to all the support and compliments about my dresses and talk about how “hot” I must be. I’ve always loved myself and I’ve always done what made me happy and fashion has always been an interest of mine.

Thank you for the ego boost and I will not let others bully me because of my age or what I choose to wear and how I express myself. I follow many 40+ 50+ 60+ ladies on IG who have the same views on life, beauty and age and I will not let stupid women (and men) like SIL bring me down. If she’s 1/2 as confident in her skin when she’s my age, she’ll be a happy woman.

Commenters decided a celebration was in order.

veronicadasani

Whatever you do, keep revenge Barbie SIL on your side in life. Sis does not play. White and short dresses and 50 toasters. I am dying over here laughing.

commonside1851

NTA. This woman is so entitled. Your MIL demanded you give over a trip? What even is that. These women need a reality check. Why would you show her a dress when you’re not going to the wedding. Crazy person.

Ok_Source_8394

Sounds like other (revenge Barbie SIL) just took this as an opportunity to get back at her for what I’m sure is other crazy stuff she has done/said bc they don’t like SIL/BIL and for that I really do admire her LOL you’re a great person for trying to convince her not to. And good you for enjoying your bday and your dress. I hope you enjoy that trip/gift and post allll the pictures for them to see 😂😂

frozenfishflaps

Nta tell her to sell her 50 toasters for the honeymoon. Also mil can pay the rest since shes the only one bothered other then sil and bil.

Own_presentation6561

Omg I just read your previous posts first 🤣,she is insane and had the cheek to say you have main character syndrome, I'm pissing myself laughing at her, and your SIL 50 toaster's omg I. Just imagining her tantrum at that, she is an evil genius lol.

Go enjoy your holiday have a great time and at least you don't have to deal with her now but please update if crazy cow does anything else.

Jo0306

Wow your husband's family is a s-show. And what is up with his mother. Your SIL though (husband's sister) is a hero. Well done her.

Candid-Quail-9927

Oh wow your BIL and SIL are unhinged. Your MIL is delusional with her audacity that you and your husband give your birthday trip to the two idiots. I love your husbands sister and her pettiness and revenge.

None of this is on you and the only person that is destroying the family are the idiots SIL and BIL. I don’t give their marriage a lot of chance given how they are both so entitled.

Overall-Status-425

Still NTA. She ruined her own wedding, and MIL can kick rocks. Hope you enjoy your well deserved trip to Italy after all that nonsense!

RzultaOfca

I love your other SIL so much right now :D and something tells me this is not the end :))

_gadget_girl

NTA I wonder what bride's SIL reaction will be if she finds out you posted a picture of the dress on the internet after refusing to send it to her. You might want to let your other sister-in-law know about this post. She’s a hero!!!